So instead of attempting to summarize my life, I’m going to give you a few snapshots:
1. I have no fear of rollercoasters. I ride them as frequently as possible and take an annual cedar point trip with my friends. That’s right, ladies. No fear here. Except for Top Thrill Dragster. Fuuuuuuck that.
2. I’ve once, with the help of three friends, successfully water-balloon bombarded over fifty people in a single night. I also outran campus safety. Special shout-out to Lidia who ratted me out to the authorities. Thankfully they were completely cool about it. Apologies to any hairstyles that suffered my wrath that night.
3. Speaking of balloons, it’s the word that I struck out in the spelling bee in seventh grade. Whoa now, before you go on thinkin’ I’m some sort of special stupid… yes, I know how to spell it, now. I can prove it. Balloon.
4. I’ve somehow gone from not being able to run (asthma) a quarter mile to running about three daily. My pictures don’t reflect this. If you want to see what I look like now, you gotta meet me in person. This is an attempt to root out the varying degrees of superficial attraction I’ve been receiving since losing weight.
5. I can poem the shit out of some paper. I’ve made classrooms full of postmodernists cry once.
6. I’m an air guitar champion. Bring it.
7. I spend my free time saving babies with diseases. Probably planning on doing that full time if I can pass a few more tests. If you’d like to know how exactly, feel free to ask. I also plan on doing this in very far away places, so if you are travel averse please keep looking.
8. I used to be afraid of wasps. When I turned 11 I decided, “This is an absurd fear… maybe if I go near them my fear will dissipate”. I was promptly stung. Now we’ve come to mutually respect one another. I can say I no longer “fear” them at least.
9. My sense of humor can get so dry that sea levels have been falling since my birth.
10. I’m just putting this here to round out the list and for any of the OCPDs checkin’ out the profile. I could write some long diatribe against hedonism and superficiality. I could give some deconstructionist, pretentious breakdown of who “I” am and why I’m so damn important to get to know. I could go into detail about how I always smell the roses and some other existential whine you get from everybody on this site. Some self-lamenting, “but I’m a nice guy”. But I’m not that guy. Life is fucking awesome. If you want to spend a little of yours with mine, then,