To be honest, we will not meet any time soon. I have already "met" my closest living consort. It was a tree, met whilst skiing, and I won't be meeting any girls for a while, because that tree apparently wanted all of my attention. It got it. At least it lets me type now. But for how I was and will soon again be, read on...

If you only want to message me because of my photos, GREAT! But please get your eyes examined soon.

I am younger than stated above.

I tend to find women more attractive than their pictures portray, unless they are vapid, in which case they are just inanimate artwork. Some only venture forth if you possess a wee bit of sense. Or if you are VERY rich and have no relatives.

As you can tell I'm kinda silly and not truly focused. That is a defense mechanism for my nearly godlike intellect.

I desire to get married and settle down, but only with a genius-level raging nymphomaniac. No worries there though, I inspire genius and I know how to elicit your nymphomanic nature.

Like almost all men, I don't really understand women. But I have found that that knowing the general desires of women can be of great help. And be warned hereby my dear female friends, I know enough to make us both vulnerable. I try to treat a lady's heart with care. Please show me the same kindness

But, feel free to laugh at me if you wish. I'll join you in it. I love it when women laugh.

You read this far? OK, here's a secret about me as your reward: I really adore women, and that very fact means that I have broken some hearts. You can understand I imagine, since you have too. So play nice.

But I would NEVER trade a single experience in my past that has broken my heart. They were all worth it.
.
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Now for Some Inspiring Quotes (which I might have just fuckin' made up..):

"Perhaps men and women should live next door and just visit now and then." - Katherine Hepburn

"There is no there there." - Gertrude Stein

[This is all too often true of internet-dating/social-networking/juvenile- gripefest sites. Ultimately, it's the members of any group who ultimately determine its work, so quit fuckin' around.]

"Now Get in the Pit and Try to Love Someone!" - Robert James Ritchie

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." - Plato

"What the Hell is is wrong with Me, my Mom and Dad weren't perfect, but still you don't hear no cryin' ass bitchin' from me" - Saliva. Click, click, boom.

"gjfgjhgkhjlghoiuoisfhdfklhihgihfklhdslkahlsaihgiohdaslkhdslkhfdshfeihldkhflkhfsdlkhfdlskhfeifheoihslkhfdslkfhdslkfhifeowihlkshfdlskhfoioihfsklhlkfklsdlfhowifoiladsfdslfhslkfhwoihflkhfslsak " - A girl on OKC that is smarter than God. (Or rather, smarter than a hypothetical being representing the various mythological supreme deities. Dogmatists, please refer to the back button on your browser.)

“All great lovers are articulate, and verbal seduction is the surest road to actual seduction” - Marya Mannes

“You can seduce a man without taking anything off, without even touching him” - Rae Dawn Chong

"My life has been a Tapestry, of rich and royal hue. An ever-lasting vision, of the ever-changing view. A wondrous woven magic, in bits of blue and gold. A Tapestry to feel and see, impossible to hold." - Carole King

(^.. One of the best albums, ever.)

And: I move with some uncertainty, as if I do not know.. just what I am here for.. or where I ought to go.. .

"Now my Tapestry's unraveling. He's come to take me back. He's come to take me back." - Carole King

An old bull and a young bull sit on top of a hill watching a herd of cows below:
The young bull says:"Let's run down the hill and fuck a cow".
The old bull says:"Son, let's walk down, and fuck them all"

A Self-Summary (which may even be mine, but I'll deny ever writing it):

I possess a self, and I think it can be imperfectly summarized, so I presume such words are appropriate here.

I live sometimes in Las Vegas, an oasis in the desert. Intellectually, well it seems like the Sahara, with no oases in sight. I'm sure they exist, but my divining rod is not accurate enough to locate them.

I live more now in Tahoe. It's easier being away, and in the natural world. It IS the shit.

I'm genetically fortunate in that I can eat as much as I care to without gaining or losing weight, unless I really exercise a lot for muscle mass. And that pisses off everyone of my long-time friends, not that they'd ever try to do anything to equalize it or help themselves -- stupid Americans.

I think our country needs to build windmills -- everywhere. Seriously, how can I go tilting at windmills if there aren't any around? I hear you can get electricity from them too.

I do spend a fair amount of time in Tahoe. Unfortunately I have to work during some of that time. And I try to get to Florida, where I grew up, as often as I can.

In a way I wish I traveled more these days, but I also remember how tedious and at times ironically tense it was, when I did so every week for years in a row.

(Did you catch that above? I implied that I've actually grown up, something definitely not proven. I'm sneaky that way.)

I am faded, jaded, and still anticipated

Trying to keep it interesting, but not too interesting. (I'm happily failing at that.)

Getting paid for some things. Increasingly, doing things that I don't get paid for, 'cuz they ply me with visions of saving the world or being cool.

Paying worshipful obeisance to the OKC compatibility metrics, for their singular attainment of bullshit inaccuracy.

Observing strict celibacy as a life choice, except during activities in any way related to sexual intercourse.

Taking long walks on the beach on beautiful starlit nights and contemplating the meaning of it all, where we and I fit in the universe, and how insignificant yet precious we are in the scheme of things. (If you read the previous statement without gagging, I commend you for your strong stomach, your naivete/smarminess, or your quick recognition of mockery.)

But smarmy or not, I wouldn't mind actually doing the above shit every once in awhile.

Also, I'm waiting for someone to pen my authorized biography so I can cut and paste answers to silly questions like these. So I guess I must do something worthy of a biography. That sucks...

I mean holy shit, do they want me to say I'm "Bond, James Bond" and fend off assassins by flicking playing cards at them while sipping a Martini?

I am fucking good at a lot of things. I can start your damn heart with 300 joules. I can patch you up when you have a femoral or carotid bleed. I can relieve excess intracranial pressure with a SkillSaw. I can survive in the big bad wilderness, and keep you alive too. I can make you better, just so you'll keep up. I can make a bad situation hopeless, seemingly without effort.

I'm really good a being in love. I'm terrible at finding it.

I was in the past very adept with a balisong, a katana, and other similarly purposed tools of a more officially sanctioned nature. I'll purposefully leave the implications of that ambiguous. (You would too.)

I possess a truly unbelievable repertoire of broadly based knowledge that will make you think I'm just pulling facts out of my ass. Until you realize I know my shit.

I can actually pull facts out of my ass. It's not pretty, but I can do it. (Let's take a pass on further scatological references.)

If I want to, I can lie like a diplomat, better than anyone I've met. It's a learned ability. (That's a paradoxically honest thing to admit... or is it?)

I can also be truthful.

I greatly prefer NOT hurting to hurting, in either direction.

A certain amount of commonsense consideration. Let's describe it by a satirical counterexample:

Question:

Why do so many guys on this site bitch and whine? Not all do, but too many. Maybe you should see how far you can get ~without~ getting laid. (Not as far as you think provided you can suppress your inner asshole nature.)

Possible Answer (facetiously expressed):

Women are total suckers for being treated like human beings, who just happen to look much better than guys. They totally buy into the whole "I respect you yet I'm going to also treat you like a man should treat a woman and you just might like it." approach. Hell, they'll even play along by being feminine and yet worthy of respect, and making you feel like a man. It's worth a try.

(Actually, if you are frustrated by the inconsiderate and "mean" treatment you get here from all "those bitches", continue just as you have been. And thank you for your help in lowering expectations.)

Auribus teneo lupum. Ego sum lupus.

That they have my attention.

That I take notice of them.

That I make them self-conscious, when really there is no need to be. You are better than you think.

That they just gave me all of their chips.

(Sucker that I am, I'll most likely give them back.)

Pretend there's this huge list of stuff here, and you think it's all very cool. I'll put details in later, and no doubt put some of you off.

(Update: "Later" has come and gone and I've yet to give details. Oh, and let's all just pretend that this shit actually means anything, or is a crevasse that cannot be crossed. Or, not. If you do, well...)

So the very short version is -- books feed the soul sometimes and I read them often, movies feed the heart or float your boat sometimes, music is very under-appreciated as therapy, food is the opposite, but it's so damn delicious if you wait until you are actually hungry.

I like Hugh Laurie's character on House, mostly because he's such an eloquent asshole.

I take to heart some parts of "The Art of War". (Sun Tzu, not the movie.)

I'd guess we could all add our own favorites to this section.

Sapere aude, and if you so dare, maybe we can talk about it some.

Freedom.
Constraints.

Wisdom.
Folly.

Independence.
Interdependence.

(I would have listed Sex, like most other healthy humans should. Really though it's humanity that can't do without it. And ironically we are "fucking" ourselves toward oblivion by doing it too prolifically Poor Us.)

Being underwater. If you haven't dived (skin or scuba) you should. (Abyssus abyssum invocat in voce cataractarum tuarum; omnes gurgites tui et fluctus tui super me transierunt.)

To paraphrase: Deep calls to deep, in the voice of your waterfalls. All of your whirlpools and waves have passed over me.

How cool waterfalls are, and whirlpools, and waves, and the cognizance of emotion. Cool.

What the hell it was that I was just thinking about.

And of course,

Thought #1, and then thoughts #2 - #1000 that follow from it in an ad hoc fashion. You too? Thought so!

And then,

Are cute women smart, or are smart women cute? Both? Is it just something that happily requires no answer? If you've read this, then I'm probably referring to you as well!

Your guess is as good as mine. Maybe better. Oh all right, I don't have a clue. Where was I on the past 100 Fridays? (Betcha my guess is slightly more accurate, and far more boring.)

Also, when in Vegas, Friday is a very abstract concept, subject to becoming "real" on any day of the week.

As stated above, "I don't have a clue". (And you do?)

Unless you're willing to wait 1 or 2 years, don't expect the stereotypical "serious relationship".

On the other hand, we will, if we are very lucky, eventually get pissed off at each other. I'm already over it. At other times, we very well might make each other very happy. I look forward to that if it's in the cards.

In college, I was a sought after subject of study in numerous areas. (Because of uniqueness, not sociopathy!) I got my spending money by being tested by different research departments, "six ways from Sunday".

You will most certainly need to ask for the specifics of those fun times.

This doesn't even scratch the surface, but it's all I'll say until asked persuasively.

Congratulations for reading this much fancy word stuff. Your reward is an admission of an error, which I think I'll let stand. To wit, my age is possibly not correct, one way or the other by a finite amount. Guess which? I sense age creeping up, but it's doing so slower than I've stated, by a xxxxxxx or so.

But other than the aforementioned possible misstatement, my self-presentation is pretty much true, well at least as much as anyone's is.

One or some of the following things apply...

You have a pulse. (That is mandatory, pending advances in technology.)

Hmm.. Actually, if you DON'T have a pulse, and aren't using a bypass machine, artificial heart, or Left Ventricular Assist Device to stay alive, then it might be interesting to hear from you, if only for your uncommon perspective.

You know cool shit, are smart, and a good conversationalist. Being a nerd helps -- smart is sexy. Sexy is sexy too, but that's a given. (Together, they have a very nice synergy.)

If we have talked already, and y'wanna.

If, please, pretty please, you know how to write in passable English. This applies more to Americans than others. People from outside the States often write much better prose than they realize (or they are part of some transparent con). I'm not asking for brilliance, but your words do reflect on your intelligence somewhat.

If you can dance better than me and are an adult female. (Yes, all 2+ billion or so of you -- I suck at dancing.) Or, if you cannot :)

If you know that you are not my equal. And that I am not yours. And that neither of us is better than the other, nor needs to be.

If you can dance in the desert without blowing up the sunshine.

If you realistically expect to win a Nobel Prize.

If you unrealistically expect to win a Nobel Prize.

If you wear glasses and look good in them, or would. (Shit. does that qualify as a fetish?)

If you sometimes laugh at yourself. (That'll help balance out the times you laugh at me.)

If you are NOT perfect, and wise enough to realize it.

If you like to talk genetics, physics, cosmology, philosophy, psychology, computer science, or other geeky shit like that. (But not if you're Shirley MacLaine.)

If it's OK with you that you might never be my girlfriend, and it's OK with you that you might be my best friend. And if it's OK that lightning might strike, and you'd be both. One never knows about that.

Or, if you just want to, for any reason, even/especially if it makes you nervous .....

AND

You're not trying to get me to sign up for your web cam. (I will make you rich, for a decent cut, but only if you can master the spoken and written word..)