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26 M Chicago, IL

My Details

Last Online
Today – 11:03am
5′ 6″ (1.68m)
Body Type
Mostly anything
When drinking
Catholicism, but not too serious about it
Sagittarius, and it’s fun to think about
Graduated from university
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Doesn’t have kids
Has dogs

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My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
The name's Joe. I'm a self-proclaimed comedian/goofball. Always have been and always will be. Good thing is I know when to shut off the sarcasm. I work in HR, which is not the career to be in if you want to act like an ass. I enjoy what I do because I get to meet new people every day.

Love my dogs to death. Yes I use the stupid voice everyone uses when talking to their pets. I've also had one way conversations with them. They're great listeners!

I'm in a constant state of facial hair. Usually well kept, but I am always bearded during NHL playoffs and it gets crazy. I often grow it out during the middle of winter as well to help shield me from Chicago winds.

I'm a sports junkie (Cubs, Hawks, Bears, Bulls) and I spend way too much time doing research for fantasy sports teams. If I was as devoted to my education as I am to fantasy sports research, I'm pretty sure I'd be designing submarines by now.

I enjoy a wild night, but also enjoy a chill night when I'm burnt out.

I pride myself on my sense of humor. I never pass up a chance for a loud, vulgar rant. They are my specialty. I strive to be more and more like George Carlin daily, minus the substance abuse problems and complete lack of faith in humanity.

Very proud of my heritage (Italian). Make wine with my family ever year and its awesome to enjoy something you busted your ass making. No, we don't stomp the grapes with our feet.

One more important thing. I don't like playing games. Leaving things up to assumptions doesn't often end well. Best way to go into something is throwing your intentions out there and seeing what happens.

I don't trust people who:
-Get their steaks well done
-Douse their fries in ketchup rather than dipping them
-Are "too classy" to wear sweatpants outside of their house
-DoOo tHinGz lyK3 this!!¡!

Other things I enjoy doing often: fishing, paintball, exploring the Danger Zone, creating awkward situations, hookah

This is only the tip of the iceberg. I haven't even gotten into all the bad stuff!
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Working and trying to have as much fun in my free time as possible. I've had a few major injuries lately so I'm also working to get myself healthy again. I have great friends and a wonderful family, but I'd like to meet somebody to spend my spare time with.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Hmmm, lets see. I'm not one to toot my own horn. Not many things I'd say I'm "really" good at, but I'd definitely say I'm very good at making people laugh. Humor keeps me sane and nothing feels better than getting some to laugh until they're in tears. I'm also good at shaving my head and growing a beard. I'm kind of a big deal.

If this was about what I'm "ok" or "somewhat" good at, I'd hit the 1000 word mark.

I guess I may be good at using quotation marks improperly...
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm loud and my head is beautifully shiny. I've been told I have nice eyes as well. Try not to get lost. Zing! Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all night!
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Books: I don't read much these days. Been looking for some decent books that can keep me occupied.

Music: Foo Fighters, Nirvana, Seether, Pearl Jam, Stone Temple Pilots, Bush, Avenged Sevenfold, Alice in Chains, 10 Years, Nine Inch Nails, Chevelle, Breaking Benjamin, Three Days Grace, Disturbed, Dark New Day, Bullet for My Valentine, Godsmack, etc. I have recently let my friends get me to stop hating country, but I don't go out of my way to hear it. I can tolerate hip hop if I'm at a bar and have no choice.

Food: Literally almost anything and I love eating more than most things. Slowly becoming a sushi junkie. I can and will put hot sauce on almost anything.

Movies: Empire Records, Grandma's Boy, The Natural, Spy Games, Goodfellas, Heat, Step Brothers, Lethal Weapon 1-4, Gangs of New York, Animal House, Sin City, The Departed, Reservoir Dogs, Inception, Drop Dead Fred, Shawshank Redemption, Snatch, Se7en, Star Wars, Star Trek (newer movies), Happy Gilmore. This list could go on for a long time.

TV Shows: The League, Always Sunny, Psych, Iron Chef America, Family Guy, Modern Marvels, How It Works, Price Is Right (come back, Bob Barker!), Tosh.0, Ninja Warrior, Wipeout.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Craft beer/good whiskey
Witty banter
iPhone/iPod (yea, that's a 7th thing. I DO WHAT I WANT)

I think there should definitely be a "6 Things That Annoy the Ever-loving Fuck Out of You" section.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Anything and everything. I tend to over think and over analyze things often. I spend many minutes day dreaming about random scenarios that will probably never happen. I also spend hours thinking about why I can't ever finish a tube of Burt's Bees. I have been trying for years. I'm destined to never finish one...
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Releasing the weeks tension with the help of friends, family, food, and booze.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I am the Batman.

Also, I own several pairs of Zubaz and I'm
not ashamed. I have worn them to neighborhood bars just because my friends are embarrassed to be around me. I give no fucks.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 24–28
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
If you liked anything you just read (if you actually read anything after seeing that I'm short) or if you want to debate about something ridiculous (zombie apocalypse, why cats can't be trusted, etc).