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JShiv

34 M Omaha, NE

My Details

Last Online
Jul 19
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 10″ (1.78m)
Body Type
Average
Diet
Kosher
Smokes
Yes
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Sometimes
Religion
Agnosticism, and laughing about it
Sign
Education
Dropped out of university
Job
Sales / Marketing
Income
$50,000–$60,000
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Offspring
Pets
Speaks
English (Okay)

Similar Users

My self-summary
I'm currently no longer unfuckingemployed.

I like bacon, and often feel trapped in a portlandia sketch.

I fucking bike everywhere now because I don't have a running car. And I mean pedal bike bike. I fucking hate bikers, and now I have become one. Am I a pedestrian? Am I a vehicle? Nobody knows!

p.s. quit trying to fucking hit me.

I am a tangy, red-shirt, meat popsicle.
What I’m doing with my life
No fucking idea at this point. Trying not to hurt my balls. Eating fried rice. Killing wasps. Wearing your girly underwear and getting off on it.
I’m really good at
Sleeping on your couch. Shopping for vinyl records. Making you fall in love with me, and leaving you. Making you grool.
The first things people usually notice about me
My giant fucking beard that goes down to my nipples, that seamlessly mixes with my chest hair, contrasting with my shaved genitalia. I'm overflowing with testosterone. Seriously girls - if beards turn you on I got what you need.

I always seem to be looking at short, curvy thick chicks in Latex, Spandex, or Uniforms. I've always got hard pornography, Skateboarding Videos, & 70's Bossa Nova Music playing.

I listen to way to much (proper) Dub Reggae.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Jonathan Richman, Daniel Johnston, grindcore karaoke, Beth Gibbons, Gayle Webber ATM, Charles Bronson, Old-School Metalheadz and Renegade Hardware, High on Fire, Sunn O))), etc...

Emo Philips, Eugene Mirman, Steven Seagal, and Pete & Pete. Anything Canadian, All-Girl, and Angsty. KK Null. Talyor Swift. Nigel Pepper Cock.

Bacon. Hummus makes me puke. Bit-o-Honey. Anything Kirkland. Shelf Stable Meat.
The six things I could never do without
My storage shed.
Notebook.
Founders Porter
My new used un-running motorcycle.
Coffee.
Couches.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
All the mistakes I've made & why I keep making them.

That, and a lot of generally freaky stuff.
On a typical Friday night I am
Watching my tubby bitch of a roommate play EVE Online. Re-evaluating my life.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I'm probably not as jaded and cynical as I think I am.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 19–99
  • Located anywhere
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex
You should message me if
You have Pseudostrabismus. I only want to talk to girls that kinda have crossed eyes. I don't care how interesting or attractive or compatible we are. Unless you have this key physical quality, piss off.

Really though, this whole fucking thing (Life, OkCupid, et.al) is absurd. Don't message me. Chances are we live too far apart and we both know we are going to do fuck all about it, other than bitch. Or not. Whatever.

Cheers.