"You dare enter the profile of JackRussellDog2!?"
Your mouth is open and you face palm yourself as you begin to think that this guy is the dorkiest person on the face of the planet.
"In order for you to find out who JackRussellDog2 is, you must go on a series of trials and quests. If you observe a little more closely you will notice that one of the walls is made up of nothing but paper. If you wish to take on this challenge then rip through the paper and begin. If not, then begone!!" The voice slowly begins to fade away.
Continue reading if you wish to take the challenge. If not, then go click on another dudes profile where he has no shirt on and is flicking you off.
With much decision, you decided to go through the paper wall. I mean, why not? This is gotta be somewhat interesting.
You begin to feel the walls till your hands run down the silky feel of paper. You tear open the paper wall and you are at awe at the world you have entered.
A forest of mushroom trees stands in front of you. Does this dude really expect you to go through this just for some stupid profile information?
Then a grumpy little gnome approaches you and grumbles as you stare at him.
"What are you lookin' at!?" He yells "Sorry, a mean ol' hag took my nuts!"
You giggle a little at the thought of an ugly old woman ripping off the balls of this rude little gnome.
The gnome gives you a glare and shouts. "Oh grow up. Anyways, go get my nuts!"
You begin to grumble yourself as you follow the trail. Stupid gnome with his stupid nuts. Making YOU do his errand for him. After what seemed like an eternity walking through the forest you come across a house made of jello. This jello house did not look appetizing since it had mushroom bits and grass all inside of it.
You hesitate to open the door since it was made up of the disgusting jello substance. Then the door flew open and a gummy witch stares at you. You notice two giant nuts inside of the witch's gummy stomach. The gnome's nuts were much bigger than you had thought. The gummy ol' hag just stands there as you approach her. You begin to put your hand through her stomach and grab one of the nuts. You tried to pull back but you can't! Your hand is stuck!
You pull harder and harder, but no luck. Then you get an idea. What if I just eat the witch? You take a bite. She tastes like sour green apple. You continue to gnaw your way through till you finally free your hand. You feel a little sick from eating that much gummy and thought, there is no way I am doing that for the other nut.
You return to the gnome and give him the nut. "Where's my other nut!?" He yells. "I am missing my other..." Your glare gets to the little bearded man. "Okay fine...there is a door somewhere in these woods and you will need a secret password to open the door. The password is...drows sap. And of course I have to tell you something about JackRussellDog2...his real name is Jesse...Now leave me and my one nut alone in privacy!"
Where could this door be? You put your hand to your chin and think. Then you turn around and notice a purple door with green neon lights. How did yo not notice that before? You approach the door and say, "Drows sap!" The door opens and you continue your quest.
The door falls apart as you walk through it preventing you to return. You gaze around your new surroundings only to be inside of a graveyard. The very first things that run through your mind are ghosts, skeletons, and zombies...
Ugh...zombies. Yep...it's gotta be zombies. Especially from the over hype that they have been getting such as the Walking Dead. Being kind of annoyed and/or scared, you wander through the graveyard. Then you begin to hear footsteps behind you. You quickly look, but see nothing. You begin to walk a little faster only to hear the footsteps walk faster. You turn around faster this time and....see nothing. Now you feel your heart stop and begin jolting. You end up tripping on a tiny centipede tying his shoes. Then you see what was following you. A big, scary, menacing.....tombstone? Yep...A living tombstone is following you. You stare at its cartoony eyes, arms, and legs.
"Of all things scary he picks a stupid tombstone?" You look at the tombstone and sigh. "Okay, what are you going to have me do so I can get to know something about this Jesse guy?"
The tombstone just stares at you and begins to start twirling in a circle like a ballerina. That is when you notice that on the living tombstones body was written, "Anna Pavlova". Then the tombstone falls and a decaying ghost emerges from the tombstone.
"What the heck happened to you?" You said out loud not meaning to make it sound offensive.
"Find my pretty pretty ballerina shoes!!!" Anna said in a ghostly manner. Pretty pretty ballerina shoes? You've got to be kidding? This just gets weirder and weirder.
The ghost vanishes and then out from the ground the zombies come!!!...But they are dancing to Michael Jackson's Thriller. Then the three singing busts from the Disney movie Haunted Mansion begin singing "Find the shoes find the shoes find the pretty pretty shoes! Find the shoes, find the shoes, to find some profile news!"
You begin searching everywhere, but can't seem to find those shoes anywhere! Then a zombie approaches you and does a break dance. "YOU HAVE TO BE JOKING? I am not dancing for some information." You said to the zombie. Then everything went quite as the zombie backed away, just to have a small chicken zombie approach you. It stares at you in your eyes and then the music plays. It's the theme song from the chicken dance...You roll your eyes and humor the stupid chicken. Then the chicken began choking. WTF? You think to yourself. Then the chicken throws up a pair of....ballerina shoes that are suppose to be...pretty? You roll your eyes. Whatever, just get this ghost's stupid shoes back and continue right?
You return to the fallen tombstone and place the shoes down. "Okay, I got the shoes. Now I am ready to get out of here." The tombstone stands up and puts on the shoes and turns around. On the back of the tombstone read,
"Jesse is from North Dakota.
Now shake that booty to
So now you begin to start dirty dancing against the tombstone and everything begins to slowly fade away.
What will happen next!? Stay tuned for when I feel like writing more, or just message me here at www.okcupid.com and make plans to get to know me in person!