1. I am single, never married, no kiddos. So far, so good, but subject to change with a bit of old-fashioned cunning and deceit. I mean, I love kids, I'm just not ready for the commitment of uploading that many photos to Facebook.
2. Recently returned to home sweet home from 4 years in San Francisco. So, If you're willing to help me reacclimate — like mexican food or are just willing to slip into your favorite boots and go dancing on a Thursday, first round is on me. Not a bad deal, if you ask me.
3. I will ruin your bad mood. It really doesn't stand a chance.
4. Can I hold an intelligent conversation?... Can I cleanse my hands by clapping REALLY hard to smash bacteria? How did the Thesaurus survive the dinosaur extinction?... Nailed it.
5. I can cook, no, not like I have a few recipes that I recycle when I have company, I cook.
6. Casual is king, but I feel better about my vices when everyone is dressed up.
7. What is trust? Two gay cannibals giving each other blowjobs.
8. I'm not jewish, I'm Jew...ish
9. Link (sorry mobile users): My doctor just told me I'm going to need eye surgery, so I got myself a cat to cheer myself up. Say hi to Charlie!
10. Link (sorry mobile users): Why you should let me touch your butt, a presentation
Ok, clearly, I love to joke and laugh (e.g. Above), but I should probably put something of substance here. Here are some things from the few years on this planet:
-We're all infinitely deserving of love. Yes, that means you too.
-You may be the ripest, juiciest peach on the planet, but there will always be people who simply don't like peaches.
-I hate the phrase "you complete me" because love shouldn't be two incomplete people coming together to form a whole. It should be two complete people coming together to create something greater than the sum of its parts.
-With love, one receives what they're willing to accept.