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26 M Austin, TX

My Details

Last Online
Online now!
6′ 3″ (1.91m)
Body Type
Strictly anything
Cancer, and it’s fun to think about
Graduated from university
Sales / Marketing
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Doesn’t have kids, but wants them
Has dogs and likes cats
English, French

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My self-summary

1. I am single, never married, no kiddos. So far, so good, but subject to change with a bit of old-fashioned cunning and deceit. I mean, I love kids, I'm just not ready for the commitment of uploading that many photos to Facebook.

2. Recently returned to home sweet home from 4 years in San Francisco. So, If you're willing to help me reacclimate — like mexican food or are just willing to slip into your favorite boots and go dancing on a Thursday, first round is on me. Not a bad deal, if you ask me.

3. I will ruin your bad mood. It really doesn't stand a chance.

4. Can I hold an intelligent conversation?... Can I cleanse my hands by clapping REALLY hard to smash bacteria? How did the Thesaurus survive the dinosaur extinction?... Nailed it.

5. I can cook, no, not like I have a few recipes that I recycle when I have company, I cook.

6. Casual is king, but I feel better about my vices when everyone is dressed up.

7. What is trust? Two gay cannibals giving each other blowjobs.

8. I'm not jewish, I'm Jew...ish

9. Link (sorry mobile users): My doctor just told me I'm going to need eye surgery, so I got myself a cat to cheer myself up. Say hi to Charlie!

10. Link (sorry mobile users): Why you should let me touch your butt, a presentation


Ok, clearly, I love to joke and laugh (e.g. Above), but I should probably put something of substance here. Here are some things from the few years on this planet:

-We're all infinitely deserving of love. Yes, that means you too.
-You may be the ripest, juiciest peach on the planet, but there will always be people who simply don't like peaches.
-I hate the phrase "you complete me" because love shouldn't be two incomplete people coming together to form a whole. It should be two complete people coming together to create something greater than the sum of its parts.
-With love, one receives what they're willing to accept.
What I’m doing with my life
Managing my inner Sterling Archer.
The first things people usually notice about me
The back of my shoulders at a concert. BigFriendlyGiant problems... I'm sorry you can't see, you can get on my shoulders if you'd like.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: Kitchen Confidential, All the Pretty Horses, Confederacy of Dunces, How We Decide, Boomsday, Feeling Good, Thank you for Smoking, Streets of Laredo, nothing really scholarly worth mentioning.

Movies: Wolf of Wall Street, Her, Oh Brother, Where art Thou?, Mr Holland's Opus, Up, Crazy-Stupid-Love, The Fifth Element, Hot Rod, Forrest Gump, Anything cleverly cynical with a dash of hope - Think Jason Reitman. Also, if you don't like disney movies, click here.

Shows: Game of Thrones, Newsroom, Workaholics,
Downton Abbey, No Reservations, Community, Modern Family, Homeland, Mad Men, Breaking Bad, Bob's Burgers, Sherlock, HOUSE OF CARDS.

Music: Max Frost, HAIM, Theophilus London, James Blake, Penguin Prison, Tame Impala, Earth Wind and Fire, RAC, Bob Schneider. – Guilty pleasure - Seal, and yes I realize that makes me a 40yr old white female divorcee.

Food: I'm really big on food. I love everything tasty in the world (yes, the weird shit too), other than steamed spinach, seriously, that wadded-up mess is a disgrace.
The six things I could never do without
'Aint nobody got time for that.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Calvin and Hobbes... really, go re-read some, get back to me.

At what age do you tell a highway it's adopted?

How to domesticate a penguin, so tuxedo-clad, he could serve me and a lady-friend champagne.

So the other day I was at the gym and I saw this guy who was the most monstrous human being I've ever seen in my life. Everyone in the entire gym was in awe of this guy, he had to be 280 pounds of solid muscle. After 10 minutes of him lifting and everyone keeping a safe distance, the kid next to me walks up to him and says, "Man, you are the biggest fucking dude I have ever seen, props to you". The hulk then turns to the kid and in the most passive voice I've ever heard, says to the kid, "I appreciate that, friend, but in my life, I've found that the only muscle that reveals a man's character is his heart". He then proceeded to bench press 315 pounds with ease. Definitely one of the coolest things I've heard in a while. Moral of the story: I've been going to the gym - Ladies, get at me.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
1. Once I was making faces at a baby and it laughed so hard, it shit itself. I fear I have become too powerful.

2. This

3. Mufasa's death was the first real tragedy in my life.

4. I mistakenly ran over a pigeon in front of a group of school children once, their faces haunt my dreams.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 20–32
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
A giggle fit is not uncommon.

You're a qt3.14

You love your dad and/or Ron Swanson

You should NOT message me if you like any of these songs:


Nickelback - Far Away
Gasolina -- Need i say more?
Hinder- Lips of an Angel
Daniel Powter - Bad Day

I'm just kidding, but seriously, these songs suck, kick rocks.