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29 M Brooklyn, NY

I’m looking for

  • Women who like men
  • Ages 24–34
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For long-term dating, short-term dating

My Details

Last Online
Online now!
6′ 0″ (1.83m)
Body Type
A little extra
Mostly vegetarian
Graduated from university
Art / Music / Writing
Rather not say
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Doesn’t have kids
Likes dogs and likes cats

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My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
My name is James and my hometown is best known for being the home of the Wiffle Ball. I've been living in New York since college, a total of about ten years now.

Straight out, you should know that I'm a big nerd. If you're okay with someone who views the world through the lens of Simpsons quotes (well, early Simpsons quotes) and happens to be a fantasy illustrator in his evening hours, that's great. I'm not "one of THOSE guys" but, you know, the cards are on the table.

Sometimes I bake (the cooking kind, not the... you know, other kind) and I do enjoy the occasional snifter of port at Christmas. Currently hoping to build up my illustration work a little more, but I'm pretty happy with where my life is at the moment and I'm ready to meet a swell lady.

I am soft and yielding like a nerf ball. I had a properly bushy mountain man/this generation's greatest mall santa beard but I botched trimming it and had to scale back to within societal norms. I will turn in my wallet chain and anarchy symbol t-shirt, for I am no longer a rebel.

If I had to sum up my life as an Onion headline, it would be "Grown man who owns Bane action figure has love to give".
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I make fake books and figure out production problems for a publisher in Manhattan. Mostly physical mock-ups and our trade show booth along with whatever else happens to be in my job description at a given moment. I get to work with my hands and solve problems and I like everyone in my office for the most part. Plus, I've figured out how to get other departments and my boss to bribe me with baked goods. I'm as crooked as they come, ladies.

By night, I'm a freelance illustrator. I make fantasy/science-fiction/horror pictures for small publishers and I'm hoping to make the break to full time freelance work in a few years. I spent the last two years working on a large project that's finally seen print in a massive book with a lot of my drawings in it, so I'm quite excited about that.

Currently, working on eating healthy and losing some weight. My plan is to learn to cook, replace fake chicken with tofu, pasta with brown rice, sandwiches with salads and reduce how much beer I drink by smoking a lot of crack. I feel more svelte already!
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Drawing, remembering Simpsons quotes with ridiculous accuracy, constructing things out of foamcore, dry humor and awkward silences. Oreo peanut butter brownies and homemade birthday/holiday cards. Also, writing department-wide emails painting myself as a nefarious tyrant for switching the stack bypass paper to card stock.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I've got the sloping brow and cranial bumpage of a career criminal, the brain pan of a stage-coach tilter. I meet a lot of armchair phrenologists, apparently.

A guy on the street joked that I look like my friend's bodyguard and told him to give me a raise. So I have that going for me!

Other than that- beardy, baldy, bespectacled and a bit chubby.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
(I skip this section when I read other people's profiles. I'm gonna save time and give a general idea.)

Books: Mainly genre fiction of the nerdy variety; the kinds of things your college professors sneered at and people judge you for on the subway or at parties. I refuse to feel shame.

Music: Indie rock and art school standards (meaning Belle and Sebastian), hardcore and butt rock.

Movies: Whatever sounds good. Giant robots are a plus, as are humor and boobs. Deductions for the presence of Zach Braff trying to teach me about what, like, MATTERS man.

Food: Sushi, Thai, Indian, Banh Mi, human fle- I mean, vegetarian meatless meat. I have a major weakness for unattended baked goods.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
I had a serious list for a little while; I'm not sure how much it would tell you to say what I think I couldn't live without. It's probably the usual stuff- glasses, a nice gentle toilet paper, etc. This list will be what's presently in my backpack, which I take with me every day like every other human obstacle on the subway.

So, presently I have:
- An umbrella
- A sketchbook and a ruled notebook (not writing or drawing enough in either)
- Current reading- "Wolf In White Van" by John Darnielle
- A leatherman multitool (very eager to use it at any opportunity)
- Another, smaller sketchbook
- A mustache pen, a mechanical pencil, a black sharpie, a blue marker pen, a glasses repair kit
- 1 Crown brand latex condom (Not that I'm expecting anything, I just believe that it's better to have one and use it for balloon animals than to need one and not have it)
- Chapstick

So that's what I carry with me almost every day, often with a brown bag lunch. What do you think?
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Figuring out exactly how much I'm saving by packing a lunch for work during the week- and then I'm like,"Woah, slow down wild man! Save something for Friday night!"

Fake Starbucks names. I don't really get coffee there, but when I do I'll say my name is Butch Deadlift or Slab Rockgrunt. Or Flint Chesthair.

If you rub the face sides of two coins together, it's like you're making the presidents kiss!

If I had the space for a tank, I would get two female turtles and name them Patty and Selma.

After getting some very intense fortune cookies, I have been wondering what this all means.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Listening to my collection of vinyl and taking photos of myself rock climbing/standing next to tigers in exotic locales. Answering fan mail and signing autographs.
All right, fine: I'm usually eating mustard packets in the back of my friend's car. Happy now?
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm the Dungeon Master for my Dungeons and Dragons group, so if you fancy a man with pretend authority between the hours of 6 and 10 pm on Sunday nights- look no further. (Please don't message me all at once, ladies, the site has been known to crash.)

In Kindergarten I stole a miniature turtle toy from the classroom when no one was looking. But my mom found it and made me bring it back- I didn't fess up, though, I just put it back on the shelf like I'd borrowed it. "Turtle thief! Turtle thief!", you're all shouting!

I would very much like to have a drink on a rooftop or balcony in the city, seeing the whole of New York spread out at my feet just so I can laugh maniacally as if waiting for my dastardly plans to come to fruition.

I really wish something I had done could "come to fruition". Just once.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
I am a Taurus in western astrology and a wood ox in the Chinese zodiac, so if your sign is Ox Cart Driver or Wagon Full of Turnips, I think we'll be compatible.

You are not crazy... or if you ARE crazy but are also seeing a psychiatrist and you really feel like it's helping.

You want to throw me over your shoulder like a conquistador and carry me away from this dreary life of cooking and cleaning.

You prefer the affections of soft beardy mans.

You want to draw me like one of your French girls.