"I can handle it."
or
"I can take it."
I say these phrases maybe a little more than i should, but it's always a challenge to make those words true.
I love a good challenge.
I've put my life on the line to make those words true-again, maybe a little more than i should-but i'm still here, and yeah, for the overwhelming majority of said situations:
I can handle it.
I get calls when things go south. I'll handle the client/manager, do the hard math, put out the fires, fix something electrical/mechanical, open the jar of pickles, etc. I get called Data. Egon. MacGuyver. I'm not even sure how his name's spelled. Human fire extinguisher. Innocuous and forgettable behind glass, yet when panic is in the air, there's gotta be like 20 of y'all looking for me in a frenzy.
I hate fear.
When i was young i was afraid of fire. So i made myself put my hand in it to know exactly what it could do and how close i could get. Then, because i was also afraid of the dark, i would make myself get up at night and walk around the basement with the lights off.
5 or 6. What?
It follows with anything that initially scares me. I run at it.
The lifestyle is not without its flaws; it has given me a dark but weirdly optimistic worldview, and a feeling of disconnect from people. The latter has led to faulty perceptions, wrong ideas, gross miscalculations, huge mistakes, divorce, major fuck-ups, and utter failure.
From time to time.
But I can take it.

For a living? Short-order cook at a diner. I'm the guy that does the fruit sculptures and creates the pancake stencils. I play bass for a country trio as well. I help run Game Night, which is a bunch of people who get together at bars to play card and board games(its actually very organized) every Monday night.
and then...
this is the part where i sigh and look away for a second
i just got out of a 5 year marriage/10 year overall relationship. We're still friends. She's already dating, and I'm over her, but then i was the one who ended it.
I guess it's safe to say I'm not looking for commitment right now.

my job.
playing bass.
sensing when someone's feeling bad and cheering them up.
cooking.
artistically expressing myself.(better than verbally sometimes)
not getting caught.

that i've been sitting next them this whole time.
i look about a 100 times scarier than i really am.(i am SO not somebody anyone should be afraid of.)
I'm quiet. At first.
I laugh at a lot of stuff.
I have giant ears of corn tattooed all over my arm.
My face isn't on the best of terms with my mind.

books
catch-22, dune, contact, anything by palahniuk, easton ellis, or gibson. also a lot of non-fiction.
movies
fight club, i heart huckabees, i dunno. anything intelligent or ballsy, and comedy.
music
converge, MFDOOM, rjd2, fugazi, NOFX, ween, the walkmen, outkast, 3OH!3, justice, built to spill, akon, atmosphere, fucked up, calexico, just to name a few.

Friendship
Faith in myself
Adequate footwear
an attitude problem
my machete
the good days

too much stuff to think about

i don't have "typical" nights, exception being monday. i could be playing music, cutting stencils, exploring some abandoned or underground structure, hangin' with friends(bars and porches are popular), or going for a long walk.

Every once in a while i wear ladies underwear.

you want to get to know me better.