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29 Grand Rapids, MI Woman


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I’m looking for

  • Men
  • Ages 27–40
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating

My details

Last online
May 23
5′ 4″ (1.63m)
Body type
Strictly anything
Atheism, but not too serious about it
Working on university
Less than $20,000
Might want kids
Likes dogs and has cats
English (Okay)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I am a pale smart ass. I am deadpan or I am playful. I am well-spoken. I like to make art for my friends. I am naturally talented at an unnaturally large number of things. My personal style is cute and feminine mixed with lumberjack-chic, which is like unicorn-posh but more nautical-goth.

I consume knowledge compulsively. I do a couple other things compulsively. I exercise, but not compulsively. I love gourmet food. I keep many of my electronics working with MacGuyver type methods. My car currently has a boombox with a broken antenna instead of a radio. I don't wear any color besides red. I am often physically uncomfortable. Why are clothes so itchy?
I am sometimes girlishly shy with men I like. I am often a huge dick to men I don't like. I have a strong personality.
I come up with pretty good jokes because I am smart and creative and I hate a lot of things.
I am mostly an introvert but I am very charming and I enjoy being social with groups of people regularly. I like to dress up and go out.
I am youthful. I think things through extensively before making decisions. I am open-minded. I have a hard time staying organized. I make a lot of lists.

I am an intoxicating woman-child.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Trying to change the way my mind works.

I have no idea what I'm doing. I like math. I can write kinda good sometimes.
Ive recently started managing a small firm of psychologists. I'm great at helping other people be organized and efficient but horribly lost when it comes to doing it for myself.
I also volunteer for a couple charities, mainly to fill a gap in my resume if I'm being totally honest, and I lend my creativity/smashingly good-looks to projects because, well, people ask me to sometimes. They do! sometimes.

I have a side business where I act as a social consultant/dating coach for people who are struggling with their love-lives.
Yes you can send me an inquiry if this is a part of your life you'd like to improve. I also assist in creating/refining online dating profiles. That's not the reason for THIS profile though.

I like to cook. I really like to cook for other people and I really really like to cook for boys that I like.
I guess I go to the gym now too because I'm a boring grown-up who has to exercise with weights instead of contact sports. Bro, do you even lift?
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Math, dry humor, applying eye-makeup, understanding unfamiliar concepts, making messes (seriously I'm really fucking messy), having great ideas, losing things, approaching animals, empathy, listening, always smelling (and tasting) good, "art", reading fast, picking out the perfect gift, teaching myself weird human tricks, standardized tests, making grilled cheese.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
That I'm a fuckin ray of sunshine.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I used to read the fuck out of Terry Pratchett. All you Hitchhiker's Guide fans should check him out. Peter F. Hamilton, Neal Stephenson, David Brin, Patrick McManus, Bill Watterson (Calvin & Hobbes), Ian M. Banks, John Scalzi, Alistair Reynolds...I'm essentially a sci-fi nerd.

The Royal Tenenbaums, Superbad, The Fifth Element, Safety Not Guaranteed, Pineapple Express, Young Frankenstein, Gosford Park, and Wall-E. You know, good movies.

TV: Community (RIP), Louie, Parks and Rec, Madmen, Boardwalk Empire, GoT, Breaking Bad, and The Twilight Zone

Music: Nat King Cole
No one is reading your list of five thousand bands.

Food: uhhh... Let's go with avocados.
I hate Hidden Valley Ranch, peanut-butter & jelly sandwiches, and Miracle Whip, and raisins.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
6., now updated to the "Find my iPhone" app. I had something against smart phones and held out on crossing over until like two years ago.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
-How I can do everything better.
-Everything bad that could ever possibly happen.
-What it's like to die.

I like looking into the sky at night. Seeing the moon or stars helps me keep things in perspective. We are animals on a rock flying through an endless universe full of an infinite number of other rocks. When you take a minute to really contemplate the vastness of space, that job interview in the morning doesn't seem like such a scary thing.
I'm just glad to be here.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Trying to chew through the leather straps.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Here's a mouthful of honesty:
I don't have my shit together.
I don't exactly know what I want to be when I grow up. My parents still help me out a lot. I don't think any of my silverware matches.

I'm working on it.

If you live somewhere sunny, let's be friends and then you can invite me to live with you during the winter. Gray skies and freezing weather combined with 8 hours of daylight gets me down pretty quickly. I was prescribed one of those happy lights. It's literally called a "Happy Light." I have like 8. I would not describe them as effective.

Can you get down with the sickness?

Also, I got fat in college. Obviously I became unfat but still. I've been there.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
I am seeking smart individuals who don't spell "you" as "u" unless they're being ironic. I also tend to prefer aesthetically pleasing (hawt) individuals for some reason. Confidence is a huge turn on, and I appreciate someone who is comfortable in a variety of social situations. Please be GGG (No, redditors, this does not mean Good Guy Greg), and you get 30 extra points if you identify yourself as a feminist. If you send me a message telling me that men can't be feminists then I will hit my forehead on my desk and be a little more sad about humanity in general. And I won't write back.

It's important that you know a homophone is not a gay phone, but if it was, you'd be okay with that.

I like people who have a good understanding of how people work. Masters of any field or skill are interesting to talk to.

I want someone who can help me continue to open my mind to new ideas and be my companion in new experiences. Someone healthy who loves their sexuality but can also appreciate the beauty of a deep mental and emotional connection. I don't want someone who "completes me," or someone who needs me to complete them. I want someone who enhances and enriches my life, and no matter where things may go, in the end I'll feel lucky and better-off for having known them.

* I prefer those who are more neuro-typical than not. While I do appreciate having all kinds of mentally unique (to put a positive spin on it) kinds of people in my life, as well as having countless conversations with those who suffer from different kinds of "the sickness," if you do have crazy shit, please have your crazy shit completely under control.

I'm not interested in meeting anyone with kids. We probably aren't very compatible if you are religious.

I want to end things with this quote from one of Tina Fey's characters.

"No, it's okay, I don't want to hurt you. But I'll tell you what I do want; I want someone who will be monogamous, and nice to his mother. And I want someone who likes musicals, but knows to just shut his mouth when I'm watching Lost. And I want someone who thinks being really into cars is lame, and strip clubs are gross. I want someone who will actually empty the dishwasher, instead of just taking out forks as needed, like I do. I want someone with clean hands and feet, and big beefy forearms like a damn disney prince, and I want him to genuinely like me, even when I'm old. And that's what I want." - Liz Lemon, 30 Rock

PS: I will help you write your profile for cash money. How much depends on how much work it needs.
PPS: Yes, I really do this. No, you cannot pay me in alcohol or by taking me out.