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31 Spring, TX Man


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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 21–40
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Aug 16
5′ 11″ (1.80m)
Body Type
Mostly anything
Sagittarius, but it doesn’t matter
Working on two-year college
Doesn’t have kids
Has dogs and has cats
English (Fluently)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
To start, my name is Jesse. I use humor to deflect my insecurities. Plus, I'm hilarious. So don't hate. Also, I'll get this out of the way now, since it's apparently a deal breaker. I don't currently work, nor live on my own. I'm currently in rehabilitative services to find out what I can do for work, and I rent a room from my Old Man. I have my own money, don't need yours.

Now that that's out of the way, let's see, I'm a Jack-of-All Trades, when it comes to knowledge; I know a little about everything and a lot about nothing. The shark in "Jaws" was named Bruce, after Steven Spielberg's lawyer.

I do things to make others laugh, generally at my own expense. If you can't laugh at yourself, you take life entirely too seriously. Lighten up, you only live once.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Living, recovering, being stubborn. You know? The usual life stuff.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Breaking things. Dunno why. It's a gift, I suppose. And stitching. Not clothes, unless you count buttons, but wounds. I've had my scrapes and haven't always had insurance or been in the vicinity of a hospital.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm a big guy. Big as in broad shouldered. Not big as in big boned. Besides, you ever seen a fat skeleton? Also, why do they not have a burly/stocky choice under body type?

Either that or the whole Two-Face thing I'm rocking.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Book wise - The Dresden Files, Sandman Slim, Iron Druid series, Mortal Coils series, If Chins Could Kill, How to Make Love: The Bruce Campbell Way, Got Fight?, Be Ready When the Sh*t Goes Down, just to name a few.

Movie wise - I'm a guy, give me a movie that has an explosion in it, and I'm happy.

T.V. wise - It depends on my mood. Some main stays are Castle, Burn Notice, GoT, Archer, and Firefly.

Music wise- Varies depending on the situation. From Rock to Rap to Honky Tonk to Classical.

Food wise- Anything that tastes good. And no, avocado does not taste good. But that's just my opinion.

I don't tolerate Twi-hards. It's an affront to all things cinematic and literary.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Well, I'm gonna go with necessity, so really just the basics. I've done without most at one point or another.

Food-Don't need it, but it's good stuff
Water-All I ever really drink. Unless you count whiskey. But that's made with water, so it counts.
Sunglasses/Glasses-My eyes are light sensitive. So it's a necessity. Plus, I wear glasses now.
My dog-He's a 100lb lap dog. I know I'll have to live without him eventually.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
I probably should've put some actual thought into this, but I get easily distracted at times. Plus, I was busy suplexing a shark wearing a bolo tie. You may ask, "Who was wearing the bolo tie?"

The answer is "Yes."

Plus, a lot of random things. I'll start on on thought train...SQUIRREL!!
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
I'm generally out hunting monsters or aliens. What's that? You say it's not possible because you've never seen a monster or alien? That's because I'm damn good at what I do. You're welcome.

Also, I laugh in the face of Danger. I'm like, "Ha, Danger! You're dumb! You have an ugly face, which isn't as hot as my face! Which is totally hot!"
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Now, I know some of you are wondering, "HOLY CRAP, WHAT HAPPENED TO HALF YOUR FACE?!?!"

Funny story, actually. I auditioned for the role of Two Face, back when The Dark Knight came out. I figured making half my face malleable for make-up and such would make me a lock for it. I was sure I had the gig in hand, but the studio went with Aaron Eckhart, based solely on the fact that, ya know, he could actually act. The bastard.

Truth of the matter is I had a golfball sized brain tumor removed from my head back in 2010. It stretched out and shifted my brain, so somehow, it cause partial, temporary, palsy on one side. Yes, temporary, but it's a slow recovery process, apparently. But, on the plus side, I get to play the brain cancer card when I don't wanna do something and people don't question it. So yeah, go me. I should probably be dead, but I'm too stupid to die when I'm supposed to.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
Why the hell not? You've got nothing to lose by doing so, or if you wanna really know something about me, because let's face it, I haven't really told you anything, hit the button and ask. Or, if you just want to know random facts, because I am a fountain of useless trivia that will cause you to forget something incredibly important.