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30 M Spring, TX

My Details

Last Online
Today – 8:44pm
5′ 11″ (1.80m)
Body Type
Mostly anything
Sagittarius, but it doesn’t matter
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Has dogs and has cats

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My self-summary
To start, my name is Jesse. I use humor to deflect my insecurities. Plus, I'm hilarious. So don't hate.

Let's see, I'm a Jack-of-All Trades, when it comes to knowledge; I know a little about everything and a lot about nothing. The shark in "Jaws" was named Bruce, after Steven Spielberg's lawyer.

I do things to make others laugh, generally at my own expense. If you can't laugh at yourself, you take life entirely too seriously. Lighten up, you only live once.
What I’m doing with my life
Living, recovering, being stubborn. You know? The usual life stuff.
I’m really good at
Breaking things. Dunno why. It's a gift, I suppose. And stitching. Not clothes, unless you count buttons, but wounds. I've had my scrapes and haven't always had insurance or been in the vicinity of a hospital.
The first things people usually notice about me
I'm a big guy. Big as in broad shouldered. Not big as in big boned. Besides, you ever seen a fat skeleton? Also, why do they not have a burly/stocky choice under body type?
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Book wise - The Dresden Files, Sandman Slim, Iron Druid series, Mortal Coils series, If Chins Could Kill, How to Make Love: The Bruce Campbell Way, Got Fight?, Be Ready When the Sh*t Goes Down, just to name a few.

Movie wise - I'm a guy, give me a movie that has an explosion in it, and I'm happy.

T.V. wise - It depends on my mood. Some main stays are Castle, Burn Notice, Archer, and Firefly.

Music wise- Varies depending on the situation. From Rock to Rap to Honky Tonk to Classical.

Food wise- Anything that tastes good. And no, avocado does not taste good. In my opinion.

I don't tolerate Twi-hards. It's an affront to all things cinematic and literary.
The six things I could never do without
Really just the basics. I've done without most at one point or another.

Food-Don't need it, but it's good stuff
Water-All I ever really drink. Unless you count whiskey. But that's made with water, so it counts.
Sunglasses-My eyes are light sensitive. So it's a necessity.
My dog-He's a 100lb lap dog. I know I'll have to live without him eventually.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
I probably should've put some actual thought into this, but I get easily distracted at times. Plus, I was busy suplexing a shark wearing a bolo tie. You may ask, "Who was wearing the bolo tie?"

The answer is "Yes."
On a typical Friday night I am
I'm generally out hunting monsters or aliens. What's that? You say it's not possible because you've never seen a monster or alien? That's because I'm damn good at what I do. You're welcome.

Also, I laugh in the face of Danger. I'm like, "Ha, Danger! You're dumb! You have an ugly face, which isn't as hot as my face! Which is totally hot!"
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Now, I know some of you are wondering, "HOLY CRAP, WHAT HAPPENED TO HALF YOUR FACE?!?!"

Funny story, actually. I auditioned for the role of Two Face, back when The Dark Knight came out. I figured making half my face malleable for make-up and such would make me a lock for it. I was sure I had the gig in hand, but the studio went with Aaron Eckhart, based solely on the fact that, ya know, he could actually act. The bastard.

Truth of the matter is I had a golfball sized brain tumor removed from my head back in 2010. It stretched out and shifted my brain, so somehow, it cause partial, temporary, palsy on one side. Yes, temporary, but it's a slow recovery process, apparently. So yeah, fun stuff. I should probably be dead, but I'm too stupid to die when I'm supposed to.

Also, sometimes I forget to breathe. I should work on that.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 21–35
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
Why the hell not? You've got nothing to lose by doing so, or if you wanna really know something about me, because let's face it, I haven't really told you anything, hit the button and ask. Or, if you just want to know random facts, or a decent laugh. I aim to please.