I saw this on Reddit and it's quite true:
To females: guys are stupid. You literally do have to say exactly what you want. Don't try to be coy or subtle or leave "hints." Just say it. You'll be AMAZED at how well this works.
As I've gotten older and have done more introspection, I have come to the conclusion that it is close to impossible to give an accurate description of the awkward, outspoken, headstrong, yet unsure contradiction that I am. If you scan, you will miss crucial details. I know it's long. It has to be that way.
To the person meeting me for the first time, I may seem fairly normal. I can carry conversation, navigate through various situations that life presents, and exit without leaving a bitter aftertaste. But I feel that almost is a facade, a vague veil thrown up to allow myself to navigate through society. Not in a necessarily negative way, either. I feel that what I have dealt with in life has left me with a complex amount of conflicting emotions and thoughts.
Given my past and having realized what an absolute monstrosity my childhood was (it's a complex issue. If you want to message me about any of the fucked up things I've endured, I will be happy to relay the stories. While they may have been awful at the time, now they serve the purpose of helping you understand.), I can count myself lucky that I am not a serial killer. That being said, there is much that needs to be explained if you are to delve into my world. All of my sections are going to be long, but, like anything lengthy, understanding shall hopefully come if you stick with it.
I proceed through life with complete honesty and the best intentions. Due to social ostracization as a child and teenager, I did not fully develop flawless social skills, though as I entered adulthood I have improved this quite a bit, mostly through my one and only learning process of trial and error. However, sometimes I am accidentally rude or over-the-top, but my actions are never with ill intent.
Somehow, I manage to be both misanthropic yet sociable in the right circles; humanity as a whole is a disgusting species doomed to perish in its own arrogance, nose in an Iphone, but individuals can be inspiring and enjoyable, even life changing.
I am anti-culture, driven, I'm sure at least in part, due to being rejected by it. But I have made my peace with that. This is not a culture that we should be pleased to be accepted by, though, sadly, those that speak out against it are lost in a sea of ignorance, mindlessly shuffling about their daily routines.
Though I try to be at least moderately pleasant to interact with in the case of dealing with individuals I don't know, since I understand the societal value in doing so and I am not at all opposed to the idea of finding more like-minded people, I feel nothing for them. In general, I have low empathy and a fairly morbid sentiment. It takes a lot for me to feel really anything strongly one way or another, and as such I greatly respect the things that do. My standoffishness could be attributed to many things, but I view it as a defense mechanism - it means you no harm, and it may be outdated, but it has protected me from liars, pain, and general phoniness. I feel that the latter is utterly rampant these days, and I cannot for the life of me understand why.
I consider myself an intellectual, since I seek knowledge continuously. I am outspoken about my strong opinions, and an elitist through and through. Elitism is painted in such a poor light, yet people don't stop to use their fucking brains and think about what it actually means. We are given such a short amount of time on this hunk of dying fucking rock that why would we fill that time with anything other than the absolute best? I am not the elitist that scorns and rejects those who are not, instead I try to educate them of the benefits of only enjoying and seeking the best experiences possible.
So, all of this being said, why would anyone that isn't mentally deranged have any interest? That is a legitimate and excellent question.
Because despite of all of that, I seek the same thing that everyone else does - happiness.
What I never felt in my life is the feeling of being truly cared for; to have someone look at you with brilliant sparks in their eyes and a genuine smile that tells you all you need to know. Eyes that only see you. I have never known true, unquestioning love and compassion, and as such did not learn it myself. I see it in others, and I truly envy it, yet, so far, none have been able to bring it out in me. I do not feel that anyone owes me these things, far from it. I eagerly await the day that I meet the fateful individual that can bring these traits out of me. I know I have them, buried inside, but they remain dormant until I find a connection that truly makes me shout "fuck yes."
I know what I'm capable of. I learn through observation, and I take in far more than the average person subconsciously. My mind processes all of these emotional states that I have yet to understand. However, I know that, given the right person, the right circumstances, and the right amount of patience, I can and will be someone that can truly rise above all the blocks that my psyche has set and, just maybe, be able to both be genuinely, truly happy and enamored and in turn make someone else feel the same. At the present moment and due to everything that I've gone through it seems a tall order, but the stupid relentless optimist that refuses to stop whispering in my ear tells me to continue to plow on; that the holy grail I seek exists, but I must endure trials to find it.
And what is life if not a series of trials?
I put everything into what I am passionate about, to the point of sometimes draining myself physically and mentally afterward. (For example, I wrote the entirety of this 1,200 word section in one 40 minute sitting) Although it may take me a long time to learn some things, I never half-ass anything that matters to me. It's there. I'm there. I just don't possess the same skillsets that most of you do, which is, again, difficult to understand. I use that to my best advantage, however, and I've found definite benefits that I have been able to work to my advantage in furthering what I wish to accomplish. On top of that, I generally have a fairly positive outlook about the things that truly matter. I do truly believe that the best can come.
People make far too big of a deal out of most things. A good amount of minor inconveniences or small annoyances are out of our control and to be expected in life, and allowing these things to affect you is ridiculous. I believe in being laid back and going with the flow, and finding humor in generally annoying situations. The guy who freaks out because someone is ten minutes late or his internet dies for fifteen minutes is going to die of an aneurysm.
I'm not the kind of person that you will click with instantly, unless you have a very similar mess of a brain. Instead, I require patience, understanding, and communication. As such, I have had many a failed relationship and many, many more that never even got that far. I know that these women exist, though they are precious few and invaluable. I don't just seek the diamond among the coal, I require it, for none else will be able to fulfil what is required to bring out the best in me. I require someone willing to take a chance, to put everything on the line for a chance at a lifetime of true happiness.
I give only my best intentions. And my best intentions are the purest, most genuine form of human kindness that I have been able to understand thus far. I'm bullshit free. I don't play games. And I expect the same of others.