I've got it! 1...2...3...4...no...wait...seriously:
I was walking down the street and I realized, "Hey wait! I'm not an egg! I'm a duck-billed platypus!" A platypus, seriously. I've got four webbed feet, a duck bill, stingers on my...well, you know...and a flat little beaver tail!
Everyone wishes they were just like me, 'cause I'm cute and cuddly and furry...or scaly...or...wait...what's a platypus wear, anyway? I guess it doesn't really matter, because all the platypi are naked, anyway...freakish, right? Not that I'm a naked platypus...that would just be...rude. I wear clothes...I'm a clothes-wearing platypus!
Have you ever realized that there's no one on Earth quite like you? I mean, seriously, I've met ducks and beavers and ground squirrels and peacocks and pheasants and quite a few strange characters, but I've never met another platypus. It's frightening, actually.
And you know...you can go around pretending to be a duck or a beaver or a ground squirrel or a peacock or a pheasant or some other strange character, but when you get home at night and look in the mirror, what's staring back at you? A platypus!
Don't wanna run into one of those in the dark.
...mirrors, not platypi. Mirrors hurt. Platypi just go squish.
And speaking of squish, when was the last time you actually heard anything go "Squish"? I don't think anything really goes "Squish" at all, except for platypi. I know several things that go "Squash," and some that go "Squelch," but none that go "Squish."
Except for Platypi.
Isn't Platypus a funny word?
I could go on like this forever but I think you get the idea. If you've read to this point, chances are good that you know about as much about me as anyone else that I've randomly met. That's usually the point where they either hit me or start stalking me...and unfortunately, lately, it's more often been the latter. I think I'd rather be hit, sometimes, 'cause people can turn into super-glue at the drop of a hat...sigh.
Besides? Why do I need a self-summary? Okcupid has the best matching system on Earth! Anyone could know anything about me just by checking my test scores...or something like that.
Oh...fair warning, though: I lean Liberal more often than I lean Conservative (but I do have some Conservative views), and I can get rather uptight about Politics at times. I'm willing to listen, face-to-face, but I'm a bit zealous if you give me a loudspeaker.