I'm kind of a dirt bag. Not in the personality sense, but I wear jeans and tshirts. I don't really dress up.

I go to shitty bars to see shitty bands. I drink shitty beer. I have tattoos, arguably stupid tattoos.

I am strong like many oxen. I become strong like ox by lifting heavy things and putting them down in other places. I can carry many bags of groceries.

My brain works mostly well. It has the ability to tell me how much more correct I am than you are.

I have little hair on the top of my head, but make up for it with a powerful red beard.

I have a dog. I like her to be a dog and do stupid dog things that other people generally dislike about dogs. She is snoring on my couch right now. She can eat whole sticks of butter if left unattended.

I like baseball games and football games. I don't like to leave early.

I like to look for treasures at thrift stores. One of my most cherished finds was an old metal plaque that says "Screw Room." I don't know if it's from a whore house or some sort of tool store.

Cooking/eating food. Driving trucks. Thinking about sausage. Future failed business owner.

Memorizing worthless baseball statistics.

Red beard.

I know how to read. I have read books before. I am reading a book right now. The books I read usually have words in them. Some of the words I remember.

The Jerk, The Goonies, and most porn. I also enjoy The Big Lebowski and have attended two lebowskifests and met the actual The Dude.

My taste in music far surpasses the taste in music of anyone else.
Do not try to contest it.

I like Indian food a great deal. Thai food as well. I like to cook
foods and put them in my mouth hole.

I could probably live without a lot of stuff. I would prefer not to live without rootbeer, pizza, cheeseburgers, tacos, burritos, my dog, my scooter, or my wiener.

becoming a gypsy.

Friday nights blow ass. I'd rather go out on a Monday or maybe Thursday.

When I do manage to crawl out of my weird cave like basement apartment, I like to eat good crappy food and see marginally talented bands play at shitty bars.

Also, I like to see movies and go on long romantic walks on beaches with a horse and shit. Then I write poetry while shirtless and there are birds chirping.

I enjoy browsing profiles of women that will only lead to disappointment.

I have been wearing overalls a lot lately. I think it may be a sign of giving up.

I wish I could scream like Black Francis.

You want to eat food at places that are good, and some that aren't so good.

You want to see some band play at a shitty bar.

You want to wrastle.

You can get me in touch with a real live baby elephant so that I could wrastle with it and become best friends with it.

You want to watch bad comedies while eating pizza on the couch with me and a dog that gets insanely excited when you pet her.

You want to let me cook unhealthy but delicious food for you.

You want to cook food for me.

You want to go to a park with me, my dog and a frisbee and throw the frisbee back and forth to each other while my dog chases after it. Then beers.

You want to watch baseball.