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53 / M / Straight / Single
His journal posts
May 19, 2008
Apr 30, 2008
More to the point, women's expectations have been heightened to the point of holding out for Mr. Right. Raising expectations has had three effects on our society which have harmed everybody's ability to find lasting happiness and certainly harmed our desire and ability to meet and marry for life.
1. On men, the expectation of men to act more civil, more caring, more (you name the effeminate trait) has reduced the perception of men's value in themselves as well as in society at large.
2. On women who do marry, many of their marriages suffer because of the unmet expectations of men and so find much less happiness in their relationships. There's a whole chapter in Dennis' book (Happiness is a Serious Problem) on the detrimental effects of unmet expectations.
3. On women who opt for career over family, The ultimate lack of fulfillment so many have found in successful careers.
This brings me to the point of my article here. I am not Mr. Right and I'm certainly not Mr. Perfect. I AM Mr. Good Enough. I have maintained a steady job nearly my entire working life, I have long term relationships with deep emotional commitment, I have bought into the standard of morals that have stood the test of thousands of years known as Christianity, I have a joyous spirit, and I've been through a recovery program to deal with the baggage life has a habit of saddling us with. I still have faults, but I am working to improve myself and will continue that work until the day God calls me home.
So, just three little tidbits of advice to all the lovely ladies. 1. Reject the idea that you can have it all. You'll wear yourself out trying to get it and generally hurt everyone in your life by investing yourself too thin in each endeavor.
2. As much as you want what you want from your man, realize that he isn't a harry woman who should think, feel, and act like you would. Honestly, we don't even feel emotions in the same parts of our bodies. We are that kind of different, so are our needs, desires, and appreciation.
3. The man in your life that best meets the basic needs for a lifelong relationship is probably the best overall option for you. Mr. Perfect is the guy in romance novels usually written by women lost in fantasy. Romance novels are to women the equivalent of porn to men in that it further strengthens those unrealistic expectations. Mr. Right is awfully close to Mr. Perfect. He is expected to sweep you off your feet and win your eternal respect and foist upon you his eternal love. Reality is all relationships struggle at times. (Struggle; to fight for its life) Mr. Good Enough is the guy that you feel makes your life better more than he makes it worse and believes the same about you in his life.
That's my judgment.
Apr 27, 2008
I love YouTube. Would you really be able to gain an insight to another culture without international video sharing? I mean, really......
We love to complain. We complain about the government, we complain about our family, we complain about our neighbors. If there is a topic, we will find a way to complain about it. There is no effort to curb our complaining unless our parents beat it into us as a value. Mine did and I'm grateful to them for it. As long as you focus on the negative, you will never appreciate the good in your life. We really need to take the time, make the effort to think of the many blessings we take for granted. Think of how much better we have it than so many around the world. We have free access to travel almost anywhere we desire. We have the ability to say whatever we want. We have the opportunities to work, succeed, marry whom we will, fellowship where we will, buy what we will.
Compare that to the tiny little Island off the coast of Florida (Cuba) where they are just now able to buy cell phones and computers. Even with these toy/tools they do not have the freedom to say what the want or go where they want or even live how they want. There are heavy restrictions on approximately half the world's population because of their governments or radical elements within their cultures and they are threatened with incarceration or death for violations against their oppressive rule. Even in free countries, as depicted in the video above, there are real reasons to complain but on the whole, we are a blessed people on the earth. This does not even take into account the blessings God has bestowed on the earth so that we may thrive. Plenty of water and air and food. Plenty of materials available to work with to create goods we use and value. Plenty of intelligence to learn how to use those materials and shape them into those usable products.
On the whole, we have much more reason to praise God than to complain to Him. I personally am glad to have been trained in how to balance my complaining with a lot of gratitude. It has both, made me a better person, and a happier person.