Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
This profile is actually completely serious, everything in it is
true, but I cant be assed changing the paragraph to reflect the
current time, so its really just a bunch of shit I type once in a
while that reflects my life at the time.
AWWW SHIT SON! So I got a new phone this week, and I noticed that
instead of typing texts, I can actually draw pictures and send
them! So if you decide you want my number expect some REALLY badly
draw pictures while I'm having the time of my life.
Every time I go shopping, I always buy a giant head of broccoli. I
tell myself that 'tonight is the night, I'm finally actually going
to grow a pair of balls, and eat this broccoli'.
That never happened, I always turned away from it, I would throw it
out and say 'No its not for me, I hate broccoli.'
This actually happened for about 8 months.
Well. Tonight I cooked it, and I ate it, like, half a head of
broccoli. Tonight I became a man!
Totally thought I should update it, I also eat cauliflower
Okay so I'll just say I cant actually cook, but I learn something
new every few months.
SO! now I can actually cook mince, with taco seasoning, so I can
make my own tacos without anyone's help so you know, screw you mum
I'm a grown up now I dont need your parental kitchen assistance! if
you're ever keen fo' a taco, hit me up, ill mince the shit out of
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Okay so right, if you looked here the other day it would have been
some shit about me being a mall cop! right!? Yeah well not anymore,
I've moved up in the world. I'm now the security guard that you see
on a bus on a friday or saturday night telling your pisshead
friends to sit down, or the guy at the taxi ranks telling your
pisshead friends to get into a taxi!
Yeah, its actually really fun.
But thats like, my moonlight job because you know, you dont need a
security guard during the day when sober people are around. BUT! my
day job is pretty totally not very exciting at all, I'm a storeman!
I carry carpet around and help old ducks to the car when they cant
carry their own rugs because I'm really a total gent like that, and
then I wish them such a great day and they go 'aww you're a
charmin' young lad!' or something and go about their day.
Yeah. Thats my life, I kind of like it at the moment, and the
direction its going in, I could just use more hours I guess.
So a work story for tonight, I'm at a job sight and it's all a
restricted area by the beach and there was a crab in the carpark,
so I picked it up and took it away as I assumed it was drunk while
it was tresspasing, after all it was walking sideways.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
My Jobs! Depending on which one I'm at I could be doing either
;Walking around doing nothing, or Walking around doing not
I like to pretend I can fix things, if I start a sentence with 'its
okay, I can fix this, I'm a ______' something is about to become
broken, I can't fix it, don't let me try.
It never gets fixed, it will always just get more and more
I tried to fix the work vacuum one day, I told them I'm an
electrical engineer and that I can fix it.
They knew I lied when it started to smell like burning plastic and
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Probably the part where I have a confused ass look on my face
because everyone leaves me fucking dumbfounded.
Or the chest hair, I know all us guys probably look at a girls
chest and thats the first thing we notice, but when you see me, you
notice my chest too, its so manly man man manly and hairy.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
First aid books, and learning stuffs, thats really all I read
I'll watch anything when it comes to movies and tv, I mean I even
seen the notebook. I'm happy just to sit down and watch anything
Taking Back Sunday
Even a bit of fiddy cent.
Almost anything except taylor swift and that bullshit.
Tacos, Tacos, Tacos, Burritos, Tacos, Tacos, Mince? Tacos, Taco
mince, Burrito mince, Tacos, Tacos, Kebabs and Subway?
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Something to occupy my mind and time?
Adorable things; like cats. Meow.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Where on earth my life is going, how long I should procrastinate
for, whats happening in the next season of game of thrones and why
haven't I won powerball without buying a ticket yet.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Out getting outrageously smashed, slammin' bitches and wasting my
money on cheap floozies. Dolla dolla bill, make it rain.
OR what actually really happens these days is I either go from my
day job, to gym, to work again until some stupid ass hour of
Saturday morning, or if I dont work during the day I go from gym,
to work until some stupid ass hour of Saturday morning.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm scared of birds.
And bugs with spikey looking things on them. Okay all bugs.
And fish, because I don't know if they're spikes or fins. And large
animals that can trample me. And small ones, and snakes, and
spiders.. and crabs, those claws look angry.
Cats and dogs is about as comfortable as I get :l
Also petrified of heights, and dropping things on my feet.
Woooah horror story update in regards to the fish!
I went up to mackay recently to go fishing out on the reef, like 3
hours offshore, and someone (me) forgot to pack the rags in the
boat to handle the fish with right? So I'm sitting there wrestling
these slimey ass, spikey scary looking fish, getting stabbed and
dropping them on myself, and the only way to actually handle them
was to put my fingers, my fingers right, those fucking things
attached to my hands, inside the gills.
It was a morbid experience.
It was horrible. I was like cringing the whole time.
Never ever again.
But in a nutshell if you were ever in grave danger by anything that
isn't a kitten I probably couldn't defend you.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You fit any, or all of the following, or not even that really. Just
do it because its probably a pretty terrific idea! I mean what has
EVER gone wrong by talking to strangers on the internet?
No kids or expecting.
Laid back - without being a total lazy sponge.
You kinda don't give a fuck, thats really a good place to start
You're at least close to the age bracket I've specified.
You're okay with being the big spoon when I'm worn out.
You actually found my profile pretty interesting and not a complete
joke. I really opened up here!
You're short - I don't care if you're 4 foot tall, short girls are
You think you could beat me in a fight, and are willing to try!
(I'm not a wife beater, I meant sparring, like boxing or Muay
You're okay with cats and dogs.
You're a constant sarcastic, bullshit spewing person, who can
either keep up with me or do better.
Or if you want to go to Pancake Manor, I'm down for that.
Who are you looking for?
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