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32 New York, NY Man


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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 24–36
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Online now!
5′ 8″ (1.73m)
Body type
Used up
Mostly other
Judaism, and laughing about it
Dropped out of space camp
Likes dogs and likes cats
English, Albanian
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I was born under a volcano and raised by seals. I wasted my youth protecting my tribe from sea otters. I always played the shrubbery in school plays.

I'm a hip, unassuming geek who thinks the best line of Shakespeare comes from the Macbeth that life "is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury/ signifying nothing," or the stage notes from "A Winter's Tale" "Exit pursued by a bear," (perhaps the only good lines in that torrid affair of a play); or perhaps I'm a boring, ex-jock looking for the last victory of my high school career; perhaps I'm quite boring but only because I'm uncomfortable with myself, but only only had I given myself a second date with myself, I'd be fascinating if I could only relax.

Most of my time I spend thinking, but when I'm not doing that, I'm a communications specialist at a large non-profit, an ironic turn of event since I'm neither special nor particularly communicative (though I did ride the special bus to school.). And wondering if wanting to buy a Mini Cooper automatically makes me a hipster douchebag. Not that I'm opposed to being a hipster douchebag in any way. Some of my best friends are hipster douchebags.
I'm a writer with a drinking problem and a drinker with a writing problem. I own a watch that reads "Remember You Will Die," and I'm far too concerned with my own mortality. I'm a formerly very religious Jew who didn't touch a girl for seven years starting when I was 18; I'm working on a second book if only I could stay off the internet and properly research trench warfare in the First World War (Please do message me, boy or girl, if you know anything about trench warfare). someone who's currently worried, as I write this, that I've told you everything
Have I?
Well then consider this a successful first date then.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.

Ah. Writing. I'm searching for stories.

Why is everyone laid-back on OkCupid? I mean seriously, what is going on here? If OKCupid had anything to do with reality, everyone would be far too laid back to go to war and everyone would be doing good things in their free time instead of staring at other OkCupid profiles.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Counting. Totally could have played the Count on Sesame Street.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
the chip on my shoulder. My blue eyes? The fact that I've seen you first?
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Bolano's 2666, Lorrie Moore, Alice Monroe, Babel's Red Cavalry, Dostoyevsky's The Brothers Karamazov. Marquez's 100 Years of Solitude is etched across parts of my mind.
Film titles that end in prepositions.
Man Men, The Wire, the Sopranos.
I'm one of those people who think the world is divided between people who think "The Wire" is the best show on television and those who haven't seen it yet.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Pronouns (I, you, he, she, we, they)
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
MAGNETS! How do they work?

Whether I'm actually a fictional character, written with no irony by a 16-year-old version of me about what he thought adulthood consisted of.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Enjoying a traditional (or non-traditional) Friday night meal with friends and family.

I was raised Jewish but now am mostly guilty.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I am cautious about simple answers to complicated problems. That and I give myself my own haircuts.

I like my women like I like my coffee.... Strong-willed, intelligent, determined, optimistic with a deep cynicism that betrays an even deeper optimism.

My moral compass may or may not be totally derived from Adventure Time.

I have been known to break out the old Counting Crows albums on especially bad days. (Not Recovering the Satellites though, shit really has to hit the fan for that.)

I am still waiting for my latent superpowers to kick in.

For some reason, I get invited to a lot of threesomes on OkCupid. Uh, not really into that thing, but I mean, enjoy and all that good stuff. What is it about my profile that attracts that? Is is the seals or the volcanos? I didn't grow up with unicorns. Should I be flattered otherwise? I mean, maybe on a bad day, when life isn't going so well, I can always be like "Well, this couple seems interested in me. Maybe they can give me the platonic love most of my other relationships lack?"

In another life I was a trained circus bear.

For a long time my greatest aspiration was to start a company that rents platypuses. Sometimes it still is. (You can rent Henry, a charming brown-billed platypus for four easy payments of 19.99 a week. Oh, just watch this video: )

The last time I went riding out into the sunset I fell off my horse.

And I'm actually 5'7 and a quarter. Really. I'll admit it here. I was told by a female friend of mine that everyone automatically assumes you're two inches shorter then you put down.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
If you still remember your multiplication tables. I've completely forgotten mine.

If you know anything about trench warfare.

You too have a drinking or writing problem. Or you want one.

You can finish this story, "Once there was a valley filled with peaceful unicorns…"

You have something to say.

You go through life wanting something.

Lastly if you want to be impressed but you're okay with not being impressed.

Because life is short and memories are very long.

Because deep down, like all of us, I'm deathly afraid.