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22 M Seattle, WA

My Details

Last Online
Aug 22
Body Type
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Doesn’t have kids
English (Fluently), Spanish (Poorly), C++ (Poorly)

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My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
PREAMBLE: I love talking. I actually hate typing (go figure, right?). It's ineffective and slow, given our technology; if you're awesome enough, just call me at: 90-Yo-Keatin (convert the letters into the keypad numbers , I've "encrypted" it to avoid phone spam). Call in the next 10 minutes, and I'll even throw in the "Keating-Guarantee": we talk for a maximum 2 minutes, then both mandator-ily hang up. If we both think we're worth the time, you call back and we talk. If not, we never call each other again. Easy as pie... Fuck pie. Pie is NOT easy to make. (yes, yes, you can still message instead!)
PREAMBLE 2: Yes, this is a long profile... I know! But I actually enjoy listening more than talking (which if the other person is interested, I enjoy a lot, too). I find it important to be open and descriptive so I don't miss anything important. You should NOT read everything if you like concise.

Some things I've learned about my personality (A RATHER DRY SECTION RIGHT NOW, SKIP TO THE NEXT SECTIONS FOR MORE LULZ): I analyze and think a lot, and I do it well: I'm extremely open and honest. I'm always nice to people. I have super-high moral standards for myself: I don't kill insects until I have a logical justification that they're a parasite. I've realized that my happiness is mostly based upon hanging around and talking with people that I enjoy. I absolutely love being spontaneous and non-conforming, despite the world (and my own mind) around me only allowing so much. I start conversations with total strangers all the time, go shirtless and dance in public, parkour down escalators, refuse to pay more than 10 cents for water, try to get an exciting career without college. I enjoy inventing stock-investing algorithms and learning how to make a paper-towel dispenser dispense faster than it wants. I dream of having spontaneous wild sex in crazy places but I haven't found that girl yet.

My cons: when I'm alone, my confidence falls. I also over-analyze most things, and have to battle with *doing* instead of *planning*. I'm always worried about offending people (but I try to figure out and ignore the things people shouldn't be offended by), and included in that, I'm bad at being assertive/aggressive beyond the friend stage.

I can find any open-minded personality cool, but if I had to choose, right now I'd be most interested in finding someone who's very action-oriented/aggressive and can handle the fact that despite my eagerness, I'm only really confident when I'm in a good mood.

If you want I have some extra references/info, here: Couchsurfing profile:

Keating really is my first name, and I use it for EVERYTHING. I don't care much for privacy, and odds are, if you see a "Keating" somewhere else on the 'tubes, it's me.

Ok, I am the only human [I can find] in the entire Seattle region on OKC that's says they're comfortable (let alone wanting to be) jumping straight to phone conversations. That's gotta mean something some way or another. I'm unsure whether I should be gleefully excited with my unmatched openness or to be scared of how alone a personality like me is in the universe... (or maybe just the US... I must go run some science!)
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Figuring out what I'm doing with my life. Looking for that city in the world that has the most friends of mine. Meeting as many people as possible.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Talking with everyone on the street, complimenting women before (sometimes, only if I didn't have the guts to say it sooner) driving off never to see them again (and to my own anti-sexism satisfaction! complimenting men, too [although, let's be real: less-so), avoiding writing, writing way too much when I do write (this is a rare exception), winning games, analyzing everything (too much so, but I do get kickass insights and inventions), adding ungodly amounts of parentheses (more of this paragraph may actually be inside parentheses than out), making self-referential jokes.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
If there's a game you like that I hate, does that say anything about our compatibility? I've seen almost no correlation between my friends, but it's easy to think it's important. What if we liked different colors? What if my family had never even showed me your favorite color?
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Friends, honesty, internet, sunlight
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
How lazy I'm feeling vs. my desire to cook something hot to eat.
Regretting that I feel uncomfortable not putting periods at the of every line, even though they're just fragments.
Spiting myself anyway
Seeing so many women posting about "don't message me if you're going to be-a-dick/ask-for-pics/send-dick-pics/troll-for-girls/comment-on-my-looks" and getting really frustrated that I need to keep fighting that sterotype.
Thinking about whether it's a problem that almost all the games on my computer end in "2".
Should I just get in my car right now and start driving to make a new life?
Did I just steal this writing style after having read Mips' profile?
Where to pee in the toilet/urinal to minimize splash-back? I mean come on, you've gotta look at angle of impact, piss velocity at impact; and if you go for a liquid-entry method, what kind of equilibrium the adjacent water-piss mix gets into, or decide if the little sponges they place are an effective shock absorber.
And if you're peeing outside, you have to figure out the best penis-angle to minimize vertical velocity, which is, interestingly enough, always perfectly horizontal, although you also get hit with the maximum horizontal velocity. Of course, if there's a statistically significant amount of wind, aiming straight down will minimize wind shear.

Admit it: you're impressed...
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Hopefully anything. Want some? [Read at your own risk! Depending on how intimately you like to learn about people, you should maybe skip this section]

I have to be completely naked to poop (oh, and I sleep naked, and never wear underwear) When I do masturbate, the type of porn I watch is all natural, nothing staged, basically just from Beautiful Agony and I Feel Myself; I love the smell of my farts; and @ the thermonuclear question, even before Okcupid I'd had conversations about how much simpler and mentally easier my life would be, if I was fighting for my survival in a post-apocalyptic world.

Hmm, something I've never really brought up before: I love making people happy, giving massages (I'm told I'm pretty damn good, too), and also seeing people have legit orgasms. I guess I'm a voyeur. If we're at least friends, and you're into it, I'd love to experiment on how to please you physically, however it be. (O.o If that sounds weird to you, then forget I ever said that :waves jedi-mind-trick-hand:)

I once was couchsurfing in Stockholm and the host convinced me to sleep in their bed. After some time he started touching me. I got him to stop but he kept trying. That was a very uncomfortable few hours. I probably tolerated way too much trying to be progressive n' all.

OK, fine, you got me, I guess there's a couple things (that reveal my insecurities that I want to change) I can think of that I would probably wait at least a few conversations in before chatting about.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 18–35
  • Located anywhere
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
*you've gotten this far.
*you don't want to call. :P

I know messages can be intimidating. If they're intimidating to you, keep your first message to *one sentence*!

Or if you're across the world and want to complain about how you just stepped in dog shit, go for it. If you're a mile away and you want to run away to Madagascar together tonight, hit me up. [anyone get the reference? anyone?] But I would actually be up for that… seriously.

It's over. You can stop reading now... honestly. Go get some sunlight.