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65 Berkeley, CA Man


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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 40-58
  • Near me
  • For long-term dating

My details

Last online
Nov 20
Relationship Type
Mostly monogamous
6' 0" (1.83m)
Body Type
Average build
Special Diet
Other and laughing about it
Dropped out of Post grad
Doesn’t have kids but might want them
English (Fluently), C++ (Fluently), Norwegian (Somewhat), French (Somewhat), Sign Language (Somewhat)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
A heads up: If you're not in the San Francisco Bay Area or Oregon or Hawaii, if you haven't answered at least 200 questions, or if our OkC score is under 85%, I will hide you. I just don't have the time or bandwidth to spend on unworkable connections.

9'15: Another word has come into my seeking relationship: Compelling.
Not only does our relationship have to be compelling for me, it must be compelling for you, too. If not, I move on, knowing we are not experiencing something that can last.
Compelling: to have a powerful and irresistible effect, influence, evoking interest, attention, or admiration in a powerfully irresistible way.

8'15: I have a new mantra: Out Loud. It means I'm out loud about what's going on, both inside me, and around me (including you). It means I share my rackets when I see them, and your's when I suspect they're at play. Just a heads-up. Some call it transparency, others have really appreciated hearing all of it. I appreciate it because it helps both of us separate the wheat from the chaff, get honest and real very quickly. We find delightful compatibility or move on really quickly (read: not wasting each others time). So far it's worked famously.

2'15: I recently completed a workshop that changed my views on much of who I am and how I want to be in the world... giving me a new access to authenticity... so much so that I need to start this profile over again. The "missing" here is spelling out specifically what I want, and what I offer: let you do the initial filtering for whether we might be a fit or not. There is no scarcity, only sorting and filtering...

I'm actively seeking a Life Partner:
"Partnership begins with the willingness to contribute to someone getting their needs met." It's been missing for a couple years and I'm done with suffering from unfulfilled expectations.

First the who I am: Present and accepting, Optimistic, and Sensual (a diehard romantic actually). I offer deep quick lasting connection. If the chemistry and spirit are there, I hold nothing back and am in relationship for a good long time (decades). I embrace my former relationships: we have redefined our connections' outward appearances, but are never out of each other's hearts (that's both a blessing and a warning). So, if you and I do connect, you'll at least end up with a life-long friend, willing contributor and supporter; it's one of the reasons I say I'm poly. If that's not what you want or can handle, thanks for reading this far.

I understand holding space, and I embrace my "fixer," and know there's a time and place for both. Sensuality and sexuality are an important part of a deep connection and I need both. I say I'm coincidentally monogamous, but strongly own my poly side, not expecting any one person to fulfill my every need all the time, including the occasional lusty experience that may come my (or your or our) way. Compersion, Communication and safer-sex are important to me.

I offer a desire to be of service and be a great companion, to enjoy life from an optimistic perspective: The Universe Works is my mantra and I live from that space. I'm as happy traveling and exploring as I am lounging on a nude beach in Hawaii for a week or two. I love building and fixing things, from the broken light switch to re-keying the house, to designing the motorhome barn/studio/shop -- not much stops me. I collect tools: the physical kind, software kind, and self-improvement kind.

In my perfect world, we'd have enough economic wherewithal to not work for money's sake, but rather spend our time pursuing our passions for making the world a better place by touching other people's' hearts; and our prosperity would flow from that work (on the way there, I'm a senior software engineer).

I live from the concept of life as an Infinite Game, where it's more important to keep the game alive with all players playing, than have winners and losers. Where risk and surprise are embraced because no one is out to make anyone lose. Where duality doesn't run the game. Where we change the rules to make sure everyone who wants to play gets to play.

A word of caution... I'm still feeling a recent Aires experience, and so if you are one you'll have to be pretty amazingly Piscean with some Cancer to get past my resistances. :)

I saw this in another OkC profile and loved it, even sharing it on my FB page: Reread it today, and again felt inspired by it, so adding it now to this profile.

From a couple years ago...
I'm exploring the emotional world, now taking on life from that perspective, using instinct and gut to make choices (over reason and "deciding"). I'm also pursuing a career as workshop leader in the areas of intimacy and sensuality (distinct from sexuality), while keeping my software business humming (an old Unix guru, custom web database design (Drupal), Customer support systems). Update Jan'15: have taken a full time position in SF as a Sr Software Engineer, although I still do support my existing customers.

Polyamory, Landmark Education, Heart of Now, Naka-Ima, Network For a New CultureNFNC, NVC, HAI, Intentional Community, Peak States, Hawaii(big island), Burningman, Infinite Games, Possibility Management, PAX Workshops

In 2008 I became a member and lived in the OneTaste community in San Francisco with my partner. I've done the BayNVC Leadership Program ('11). I now create and help lead Infinite Games workshops and week-long immersion camps for adults in Oregon and Hawai'i. Update Aug'14: we've separated, although we still share some activities.

My love language is touch. I'm extraordinary with my hands, with a ton of testimonials both for healing and joy.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
"From Seeker to Finder",
Loving More,
Being an advocate for polyamory, deep personal exploring.
Producing transformational camps with NFNC in Oregon and Hawaii, smaller groups in the East Bay (San Francisco). Lately, I've added creating and helping present Infinite Games Camp (with NFNC).
All while creating Wealth. Also Chief Technology Architect for, the leading foodservice social media company. Update Jan'15: now in SF doing software dev.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
I'm masterful in the physical world--how stuff works--and fixing things. Anticipating breakdowns and acting before they happen, or having scenarios to minimize the effects. I travel well.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm present and outgoing, interested in connecting and exploring, inclusive, an optimist. A bit silly at times, and yet know when to be appropriate (usually). Very passionate about the loves in my life. I'm smart and capable of fixing most anything. Deeply curious.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Fiction: Dan Brown, Vince Flynn, J.K. Rowlings, old John Grisham
Other: James Redfield, Dan Millman, plenty of others.
Currently reading: The Wisdom of Love, talks with David Waldman, Finite and Infinite Games by James P. Carse.
Movies: Celestine Prophecy, "What the @#$% Do We Know...","The Secret", good adventure movies, ones that leave me uplifted. No horror, no violence.
Music: all over the place here, from light jazz, classical, to current rap. I stay away from country, noise, and "kill da sucka" stuff.
Foods: LOVE food... like to cook. I've eaten just about everything; generally lean strongly toward vegetarian, but love salmon. Good wine, very good beer... eating off the land in Hawaii (avos and papaya and mangos) or gourmet feasting... it all works.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Intimacy, Love & Passion;
My PDA (dating myself here, now it's an iPhone), and lots of PDA;
Serious Dark Chocolate (I seek out bean-to-bar producers);
Sunny Hawaiian nude beaches;
Tools (Leatherman, Swiss Army knife, oscilloscope, Sawzall);
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
My connection to others, being of service, developing myself, exploring life, experiencing experiences, loving more, making a difference, peace around me, allowing the future to pull me forward, the Universe works!
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
I'm attracted to positive future conversations. I don't have a schedule, so one night is the same (or different) than another. Weeknights I'm often at some techie Meetup in the City (SF), or out with friends. Weekends of late I'm traveling: the Northwest, Hawaii, Mexico for quickie jaunts. Spent August-December 2014 traveling around the US, from Ashland, Berkeley, Portland Maine, DC, Huntsville, New Orleans, Fort Worth, Salt Lake City, Portland OR. and back to SF. I also like quiet time with my laptop exploring things I kept saying "gotta read that!"
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'll talk about anything, I invite you to, too. I want to know about the Universe and the critters in it. What makes them tick? How do they tick differently than me? What can I learn from that? How can I expand my own curiosity and understanding? I have a hard time with conversational taboos, please speak out. Aug'15: a new mantra came out of my Summer Camp for me this year: "out loud," as in I'm going to be out loud about some inner thought. It showed up in a new relationship that started (and sort of ended, but so fulfilled its purpose). We agreed to share our inner thoughts, the noticings we each had around manipulations or fantasies we were either seeing in ourselves or in the other. The practice turned into powerful medicine.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
... you're curious, too. You're open to exploring rather intensely. I'm not a casual ride, as I bond very quickly, and never exclusively... meaning there are loves in my life that, although we are complete with our physical connection, will always be deep in my heart. I strongly believe in and practice adding love, not substituting it.

I want a Primary... someone who is collaborator, companion, coach (telling me your truth to support my ongoing growth), and cheerleader (loving encouragement to work through my challenges as they arise)... and accepts that gift from me to you. I am an adventure in paradigm breaking!