Why is it that men and women seem to fail at friendships?

Don't get me wrong, I have quite a few male friends. However, I will be the first to acknowledge that each friendship has some serious flaws in some ways. I'm only going to focus on one flaw though...

The "I'm friends with you because I'm hoping it'll lead to sex". Now, overall this isn't the worst basis of a friendship.

It in fact has some benefits.

1. When out drinking...you know who you're going home with. Because he will cockblock the shit out of any guy trying to talk to you.

2. Also, you're guarenteed to feel attractive because he isn't very subtle about how hot he finds you.

The downsides just aren't really worth it though.

1. When out drinking...you know who you're going home with. Because he will cockblock the shit out of any guy trying to talk to you. Which...is kind of a pain when trying to meet new guys.

2. Those really awkward moments when his hand goes wandering in the middle of a hug.

3. Each and everytime they ask "Do you think we can..."

4. Having the above conversation 4 years later and wondering if he actually understands the words "No, never, not gonna happen, ever".

And a variety of other issues. THe sucky part is that these can be some of the best friendships. I mean, the people in question tend be fun and amusing. Downside, they're determined to date you.

I know men get the same thing...but seriously, sometimes it's just creepier being a girl.

Any thoughts out there?

What is a stage 5 clinger? Well, now...that's what we're going to discuss (I'd go through stages 1-4 but I haven't finished assigning those yet).

Stage 5 clingers, are those people that you meet who magically transform from being awesome (ok really, from somewhat interesting) into that clingy, needy person of doom. Also known as, "wtf happened to you and where'd your evil twin come from".

These are the people who ruin relationships before they've begun. Often they come with a variety of excuses, which generally breaks into one thing: I only act like this because I'm so into you...

Now, lets go over key examples.
1. The guy you've have slept with once. Who proceeds to express a desire to talk and "define your relationship". Because you know...ONE NIGHT STANDS ARE ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS!!!

2. The guy you've gone out with 3 times, who then proceeds to tell everyone you're his girlfriend and has jealous hissy fits over your male friends. Cause, ya know...that's the best way to lay a claim on someone.

3. The guy who calls you every 10 minutes because you've failed to pick up his first call, and then proceeds to ask why you're avoiding him. IN LENGTHY VOICEMAILS. Cause, yeah...that's how I like to spend my lunch break. Going through 30 minutes of retarded voicemails.

4. The guy who proceeds to assume any and every night you're busy with friends that aren't him, you're out on a date and this naturally justifies a jealous hissy fit....when you're NOT EVEN DATING HIM!!!

5. Anyone who seemed like an interseting person, but swapped into demon freak of doom.

Now, just to be fair. Each and every one of these can be applied to a girl just as easily as a guy. I just write from my perspective.

So, a few weeks ago I had the misfortune of being laid off (silly real estate market...). I decided to start working part time at a retail store to pay the bills while I look for a new job. That said...

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?

Lets see, yes... I am in fact paid to sell you clothes. To a certain extent, I'm even paid to put up your bullshit but lets go over some common courtesy shall we?

1. If you are capable of taking clothes off a hanger, you are fully capable of putting them back on the hanger. RIGHT SIDE OUT! Yes, I mean return it to it's original state. Or better yet, if you're going to insist on leaving it inside-out, then just leave it off the hanger and save me some work would you? Then I don't have to go back, take it off the hanger...turn it rightside out...and rehang it. I also won't talk about you behind your back to my co-workers either...

2. I fully understand that you are in a hurry, however...if you are in a hurry don't send me off to find you 10 bloody fucking pairs of slacks only to decide you have no time to try any of them on. You KNEW that when you sent me off... Also, don't expect me to be all that gracious about it since you just cost me 15 minutes I could have spent on someone who was here to shop. Thereby, losing me money. Thanks...a lot.

3. Don't tell the counter person no one was helping you when I'm standing 2 feet away at the next register, and I just spent the last hour fawning over your every need. Getting you sizes, finding you tops, helping you find the perfect shoe...THAT is considered HELP. Don't remember my name? FINE. Describe me. Trust me, we have 5 sales associates out at a time. We'll figure it out.

4. To the younger ladies (16-30) who come in with their parental figures to shop. Stop looking down at me because I'm in retail. Your parents are buying your shit, not all of us are lucky enough to be that spoiled. So knock it off.

5. I get up at 6 am. I get to work at 7:30. I spend 2 hours folding, hanging, straightening, and generally making sure the store looks good. That said, do not expect me to be in a good mood towards you when you are nothing but whiney, demanding, and generally mean spirited. My level of bullshit is only so high. Yes, I will smile to your face but I can guarentee that as soon as your back is turned we will all talk about what a nasty wretch of a person you are. Also, we're likely to disappear and "forget" you...we don't want to help people that bring us down.

That said...I like what I do at the store. I love most of the people I encounter. I love playing with clothes. It's like playing with adult-sized barbie dolls all day. I like making someone feel good about their body and how they look. It's a fun job.

So stop ruining it for me, okay?

Those are the words I told my friend yesterday in reference to winning the lotto. After all, what could be more positive than winning 350 million and being able to take care of your mother, school loans and really do whatever you want with your life (ya know, pending you not screwing it up by wasting it on hookers and blow. But that's not positive thinking!).

What happened to my little joke? She blew up at me because her life has been "shitty" since she was 22, which is...3 whole years. And then continued on to tell me if I wanted her to be positive we should change lives. Which, I can promise you...she does not want my life for all that she seems to think she does. I get through mine by being positive...

Why do people feel the need to drown in their misery? To worship it like some sort of craven being that will protect them from...I dunno, being happy. She has some shitty stuff going on, I won't deny it. But the majority is stuff that she could TAKE CARE of if she wanted to, instead she wallows in her sorrow like a pig in the mud.

I don't understand that. If life gives you lemons, throw that shit back and go chase down some watermelon. Life is what you make of it, if you're dealt a bad hand oh well. Bluff your way past it and hope for a better one. If that doesn't work, change games. But if all you're going to do is focus on whats going wrong and not make an effort to change it....

Why bother? Erm, well...not literally. That'd be bad. In fact, don't listen to that. I never said it...move on, ignore it.

Aw crap...*flees*

I don't know whats been going on lately but I've been feeling a bit disconnected from those around me. My friends and I seem to have drifted in different directions much to my dismay.

I find myself waking up in the middle of the night wondering why life goes the way it goes and just who picks the direction? I mean yes, in theory you pick where you go but when things don't go to plan you often find yourself in uncharted waters. Or at least, waters that are new to you. I've found it very rare to be in actual UNCHARTED waters anymore. But still, you find yourself wondering what the purpose of your life is and whether you really have any control...

I dislike it. I dislike the disconnection of me and my self-reliance and security in my decisions.

Mostly I dislike this disconnection between me and my friends though. I miss when we all had time for each other. When I knew that friday night we'd be hanging out doing something somewhere...

But alas, this growing up thing had to occur. I could have sworn I'd signed up for peter panhood.

Dear Sir,

My vagina is not where my personality can be found, it's not where I look to for guidance, it does not make the bulk of my decisions. I understand that your penis may do most of those things for you, however...my vagina does not. So please stop looking to it for "assistance".

My vagina is not where the bulk of my worth is found. I have a lot more going for me than whats between my legs, if you don't agree then I'm sorry for you. More importantly I'm sorry for whatever women have stuck around long enough to make you think that it's ok to find a woman's value to be her vagina. Mostly though I want to slap them stupid for not caring more about themselves, but not nearly as bad as I want to slap them for ruining you for the rest of us. In fact, if you see them please slap them for me. And remind them that they're not their vagina.

Furthermore, not only is my vagina not where I want your focus to be...but neither are my boobs. They're not there to entertain you, they are not supposed to be where your eyes stay focuses all night, in fact really...they're not for you. They're for me. Not really sure what it is they're supposed to do (though I heard something about how they're useful if you have children) but regardless of their actual purpose, they're mine. I don't want you to stare at them, just as I know you don't want me to stare at that funny bald spot on the side of your head.

In conclusion, I must admit that while I did find your attentions flattering for about the three seconds it took to realize that you only view women as a sex object that you like to take home and play with...I don't think this will work out between us. You see, I have no interest in being viewed as some sort of toy that you can toss away when you're done. More so, neither does my vagina. And since we're both in agreeance on this one point we would appreciate it if you'd take your inflated ego back to the other side of the room and kindly not enter our prescence again. We're simply not interested.

Sincerely,

Me and my vagina.

Ok I just have to ask. At what point does it seem acceptable to send someone a comment asking about their sex life? No wait, yes...I suppose there is a point that one can bring up such a subject. I know I've done it, however I don't recall ever starting off a conversation with a stranger asking them to detail what they like to do in bed.

And yet somehow, I've had quite a few of these occurances turn up in my inbox here. I had a guy ask me if he could "dominate me", I had another ask if I was into anal sex, and my personal favorite was the one who thought I'd make a great sex slave. And by personal favorite I mean the most likely to not survive a chance encounter in a dark alley.

I'd love to claim I was this happens to but I know i'd be lying. But I also know that a vast majority of those who suffer the writing skills of the "imaginative" are female. I just, don't understand at what point it seems like a good idea to go off about your sexual kink/hijinks to someone who quite honestly is probaly not going to be receptive of the idea.

I find it offensive when someone even introduces the idea of sex in the first conversation...(Ok unless said conversation lasts for 3 hours, involves alcohol, and if I'm lucky a back rub. At that point you're welcome to introduce quite a few topics of conversation that would have gotten you slapped prior to said back rub.)
And to clarify real quick, I don't mean joking about sex. You can joke about sex without implying you're trying to get in my pants asap (most women by the way, don't care for the stench of desperation that said attempts usually come with).

I just don't get it though. Were these people raised in a barn? the woods? an inbred family of hillbillies? Mars?

Thoughts on the matter? And more importantly I'm quite interested to hear back from guys who've experienced the same trends. Preferably from females since I hear you get interesting emails from other guys also.