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27 M Honolulu, HI

My Details

Last Online
Apr 7
5′ 8″ (1.73m)
Body Type
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Doesn’t have kids
Likes dogs
English (Fluently)

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My self-summary
Hi, my name is Talbert, I'm just as awesome and unique as my name. I originally hail from Texas, I do have that horrendous accent that everyone picks up on almost immediately, but I'm not a cowboy (I'm a Saints fan, sorry), I don't have a farm/ranch, but I sure as hell love Texmex, What-A-Burger, and Casa Ole!

I have a very dry and sarcastic sense of humor, that can escape many people's grasp, but it's all in good fun, and whatever makes me laugh or gets someone else to laugh is what's most important to me. I actually used to have a joke on here about how I only like to play sports cause it gives me an opportunity to meet other strong, sweaty men. I think I'm just going to keep doing Hollywood references so women will get the joke and I don't look too gay in the process.

I am pensive, sardonic, and witty, I hate people who suck at life.
What I’m doing with my life
The Navy. I've been to Charleston, Groton, and now I'm kicking it over in Oahu. I'm also trying to work on minor aspects of my life, more notably eating healthy (even though I don't gain any weight, I still think it would be of some help to my daily routines and I don't get the itis every damn afternoon.)
I’m really good at
-Starcraft II
-Talking about obscure theoretical situations that can get quite interesting and fun.
-Mini golf!
-Answering questions indirectly.
-Witty banter
-Keeping whack conversations fluent.
The first things people usually notice about me
Depends where I am being noticed. All good things of course, I'm pretty awesome. I do have some pretty sweet eyes though, I've heard that a lot. Either that or how I carry myself and my style of humor.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Ender's Game and Ender's Shadow are two of my favorite books. I also read some of Chuck Palahniuk's stuff, Haunted and Rant made me laugh pretty hard. Sun Tzu's Art of War, Stephen Hawking's A Brief History of Time, Maddox's Alphabet of Manliness, and Stephen T Colbert's I am America and So Can You! Plus I'm a guy and I find Tucker Max's books hysterical. Other favorites include Necromancer, Hyperion, Fall of Hyperion, 1985, The Great Gatsby, Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?, and the Lord of the Rings trilogy/Harry Potter (Don't hate.)

Braveheart and the Patriot are favorites because Mel Gibson goes apeshit and kills a lot of people in both of them. Requiem for a Dream, Se7en, A Clockwork Orange, The Crow, Gladiator, The Fourth Kind, Ip Man 1/2, Serenity, Powder, Donnie Darko, Rocky, Raging Bull, Batman, and Memento are among some favorites of mine, and that's excluding all the typical dickflicks where a lot of things explode (Rambo), blood splatters everywhere (Zombie flicks), and aliens.

Everyone thinks they have weird taste in music, and I agree. I love pretty much everything from the 80s, can bang my head to metal all day, can mellow out to some alternative rock, pretend I can dance to EDM, act gangster to rap music, and work up a sweat with some uplifting Rocky inspired tracks, lol. I'm also addicted to K-pop, imagine how super embarrassing it is when my friends get in my car and last time I was in it I was jamming hard to T-ara. Awkward times FTW.

My favorite shows are The New Girl (I've gotten compared to Schmidt A LOT, so naturally I love the show), The Walking Dead, Scrubs, The Sopranos, Spartacus, and even though it was quite disgusting at times, Oz.
The six things I could never do without
-Burt's Bees: I love that peppermint feel and smell, I even have the body wash (don't judge me!)
-Internet: I gotta keep my peeps updated.
-Nachos: I am not a fat kid by any means, but wow; nachos are wonderful.
-My own theme music
-FOX News: I don't care what anyone else says, it is by far the most entertaining news channel on television regardless of your political bias.
-A good laugh
I spend a lot of time thinking about
What other people are thinking about, quantum mechanics, space/time travel, daily agendas and how a nap fits into the equation, pranks, awkward situations, and java.
On a typical Friday night I am
Depends if I have work or not. In a theoretical nonworking situation, I am either mapping out my Saturday or I said "Fuck it" and started winging it immediately. Ideally in Chinatown or staying in and nerding it up or catching some kind of sporting event. I guess I don't really have a typical Friday.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I had such a horrific online dating experience about a year ago that made me stop talking to women altogether for about three months. It was such a traumatic and life changing experience that every guy who has heard the story has had to change the way they do things as well. It's actually a really funny story, but at the same time, absolutely horrible.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 18–45
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
So cliche, but message me if you're interesting, entertaining, or want to start a weird conversation about unicorns, space/time travel, my strategies for global domination, or can find the one word I misspelled on this page. =]

Don't be a window shopper.

Hai yo!