Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Hello, I'm Matthew. Here's the deal, I never know what to write in
this section. I feel like I either don't write enough or I write
too much. Last time I wrote about my love of Star Trek, and I'm
pretty sure I could actually hear women groan in displeasure as
they backed out of my profile. So, maybe less is more.
Here are some preliminary facts about me:
I've never been married. This means no crazy
ex-wives to deal with. I asked Jennifer Aniston to marry me via a
letter, but she never responded. However, the restraining order has
been lifted thanks to a technicality, so there's still hope.
I don't have any children. I'm not sure if that's
because I haven't tried, or because I'm shooting blanks. Either
way, it seems like a positive worthy of mention.
I'm debt free. No student loans, no outstanding
credit cards, and my car is fully paid off. This means I have more
money to spend on my significant gambling addiction.
I don't smoke and I rarely drink. This means
kissing me doesn't taste like licking the bottom of a bar ashtray,
and I'll never vomit on your shoes because I've had one too many
I've never been to jail, I don't litter, and I'm disease free. I
give great foot massages and I love pineapple on my pizza.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I'm a freelance graphic designer. I also work at American Airlines
as a Portable Document Format Engineer. However, most of my income
comes from Nigerian Prince scam emails.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Catching speling mistakes.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm a loud sneezer. Crazy loud.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
iTunes terms and conditions
Other people's grocery receipts
Clothing wash special instructions
Live Twitter billboards
Anything not in 3D
Anything about space
Anything about people living together
Anything about people hoarding stuff
Porn with decent story writing
EDM, or "techno" if you still live in 1998
Music with a screaming woman lead singer
90's sitcom theme songs
Tuvan throat singing
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
My phone and the other five things.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Why people would try to sell something to a Pawn store and expect
to get paid retail value for their item.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Wondering why nobody is out, but then I realize it's Wednesday and
this miniature golf course went out of business 6 years ago.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I send women dick pics of other guys dicks.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
you're a female. I'm aware I am not, but one of us needs to
Side Note: If you are making a kiss (duck) face in your profile
picture, I'll be hesitant to respond to your message. If you're
fake kissing me, then you're fake kissing other guys. That's
Who are you looking for?
This helps us know who to show you on OkCupid.