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44 M Cranston, RI

My Details

Last Online
Mar 10, 2006
6′ 0″ (1.83m)
Body Type
Atheism, and very serious about it
Graduated from masters program
Science / Engineering
Rather not say
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Has kids
Has dogs and has cats
English (Fluently), French (Poorly), German (Poorly), C++ (Fluently), LISP (Fluently)

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My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I'm a rational, non-mystical scientist who questions everything and everyone, who learns from Mother Nature, not just the nature of the universe, but also the nature of humans as individuals, humans as a species, and the evolutionary branching that's now occuring within the human species (at the level of the mind: which rapidly evolves---rather than the gene: which slowly evolves) similar to what we've seen in Darwin's finches of the Galapagos. This branching manifests itself as a divergence where some humans (one branch) specialize in being members of colony-like organizations (organizations like insect colonies; ie. ants and bees) who function best when their job is assigned to them, who are most comfortable when their role is clear cut in terms of expectations, and who are afraid to venture outside that role; and other humans (another branch) who chafe at being stuck within these colonies and prefer the wild, chaotic, individualistic existence that octupi (and early humans) live(d). I'm a member of the latter branch and have slowly come to realize that this branch is sparsely populated. In other words, I despise most people as stupid, thoughtless, short-term thinkers (if they think at all). That said however, I'm perfectly content allowing them to do and be as they prefer (I like the, 'live and let live' philosophy) and as long as I am not forced to interact with such people intensely or for long periods of time, I feel completely neutral about them; more accurately, I don't even think of them. But I adore other people like myself. I really do think of this dichotomy in human evolutionary branches as an actual no-kidding truth about humanity and would love to meet other members (both male and female though I'm really only romantically interested in females) of the branch that I belong to though I know we are extremely rare. Of the people who share my evolutionary branch, I find people to be the most precious aspects of life. After that, there are many things that I value greatly, but good people are the best.

After some much-appreciated negative feedback from neural here on OkC, I'm adding the following clarification about the words I wrote above regarding evolution.

With those words, I'm certainly not trying to imply that I think I'm superior to anyone else, that my "branch" so-to-speak is superior to any other branch, nor that polyamoury is generally superior to monogamy as a model for loving relationships (this last I do believe is true for me, but I recognize that it takes all kinds and that there are many other people for whom mono is superior to poly as a model for loving relationships). I'm interested in meeting all sorts of other people who are basically like me (thoughtful being the primary aspect of this), but romantically interested only in other poly people or people who may be new to (but open to) polyamourous relationships. One of my best friends is married in a traditional monogamous relationship and I regard him highly with no consideration of his choice in relationships models, and I know I would enjoy meeting other people like him (male and female); but sexuality would obviously not be an aspect of such a relationship.

The bit about evolution above (I should perhaps make it a bit more clear that I'm talking strictly about evolution of the mind and not of the genes here) is there for a couple of reasons. One is that after 35 years of living and many, many life experiences I have learned over and over again just how different I am from most people I meet. I'd love to find some sort of venue where people like me tend to cluster (but then, one thing about me is that I tend to avoid clusters anyway) because my experience says that people like me are very rare and I do enjoy them immensely. So the dichotomy between me (and people like me) and most of the rest of humanity (so it seems to me anyway), really does feel very much like a difference between species to me. The other reason is that I recently finished reading a great book about evolution (self-described as documenting the first experimental evidence supporting evolution and elevating it above the 'strictly-theory' status that it has held for so long). In case you're interested, the book is: The Beak of the Finch: A Story of Evolution in Our Time (ISBN: 067973337X). This book really put evolution into startlingly clear perspective for me and got me started thinking about the specialization that has been occurring in 'Darwin's finches' (as the book refers to them) as also occurring in humans (except, more on the level of the mind than of the genes). I don't think any rational person who's aware of the theory and the evidence (both anecdotal and experimental) in support of the theory can seriously argue with the notion that humans (like all other organisms) are still evolving genetically, but with a standard human generation of some 25 years or so, I don't think that I see any evidence of genetic evolution in humans; strictly mental evolution. And I see the 'fitness landscape' (borrowing a term from evolutionary biology) of human societies as fostering the development of people who are not thoughtful (among many other things). So anyway, if you've been put off by those words above, then perhaps this clarification will mitigate or eliminate that reaction. When someone gets to know me well, then they invariably find that I always genuinely appreciate thoughtful negative criticism. Our society is chock full of people who are more than willing to give positive feedback to a person (regardless of merit), but someone (like me) who both values negative feedback about themselves and who will offer negative feedback to someone when they deem it appropriate is a rare and wonderful person in my book.

To further clarify, I'll say that I also realize that a person might read this profile and get the impression that I'm an intellectual snob. Many people assume this about me when they learn a little bit about me and when they combine that knowledge with my generally withdrawn attitude in groups of people. But this couldn't be farther from the truth. I'm actually more of a kid full of wonder at the universe, interested in everything, asking questions about everything, and who has been doing that for awhile now and I guess some of the answers have stuck. I like explaining how rainbows come about (to anyone who doesn't know), but if you're not interested in that sort of thing then I'm ok not doing so too.

I'm a "Jack-of-all-trades" (that is to say, a generalist) rather than a specialist though I've specialized in many things too. I hold with Heinlein on specialization. If you know what I mean by that then you'll probably like me. I am formally educated as a physicist, mathematician, and engineer of classical mechanics, quantum mechanics, plain old mechanics (as in Mechanical Engineer), electricity (as in Electrical Engineer), chemistry (as in Chemical Engineer), nuclear systems (as in Nuclear Engineer) for both research and power generation, software (as in Software Engineer), and many others. I am informally educated in a great many things but most lately I am learning about the life sciences (something my formal education in the physical sciences was rather weak on).

I'm polyamourous (intentional French spelling; Ah French: the language of L'Amour and assholes (I guess I don't mean that all French people are assholes---only Parisians)!) and in a very happy poly marriage with a woman I adore. Filling out the family are a wonderful child, a dog, and two cats. If you're not sure what it means to be polyamourous (aka polyamorous), a google search will tell you all you need to know. It's basically all about loving more than one person simultaneously and it's nothing about jealousy. It's also about what some people describe as 'radical honesty.' True polyamourous people are extremely honest with themselves and with others. In polyamourous jargon, the word, 'cheating' refers to what supposedly monogamous people do when they engage in an extra-marital sexual relationship without informing their spouse of this. People who are truly polyamourous never do this because of the inherent dishonesty involved in it.

I am thoughtful, polyamorous, and introspective
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
In order of my priorities, I'm raising a family, home-schooling our child, training our dog in Schutzhund (from the German for protection dog), working as a business owner and independent consultant in new and emerging technology. I'm a super, SUPER geek and have been since high school and I seek out other geeks and other intelligent and thoughtful (I'm not being redundant here: intelligence and thoughtfulness are not necessarily the same and I have met many incredibly intelligent people who I nonetheless think are idiots because they are not thoughtful; they are like extremely specialized robots or computer programs: superbly intelligent and talented at one (and only one or a few) thing(s) but without a shred of even the most basic common sense that any street-smart 14-year-old has; most doctors fit this description perfectly) people as I find they often (but not always) make the best company. I find geek girls (if you are female and take offense at being referred to as a girl (as I know some females do) then let me rephrase that as "geek women") to be especially appealing, probably because I like geeks and I like girls (or women if you prefer), and additionally, because geek girls/women are so rare. If you're a geek girl/woman then I sure hope you'll say hello to me.

I'm constantly learning because I enjoy it so much and because I find that it's so helpful on a day-to-day basis. I subscribe very strongly to Merlin's philosophy described here by T. H. White in The Once and Future King:

"The best thing for being sad," replied Merlin, beginning to puff and blow, "is to learn something. That's the only thing that never fails. You may grow old and trembling in your anatomies, you may lie awake at night listening to the disorder of your veins, you may miss your only love, you may see the world about you devastated by evil lunatics, or know your honour trampled in the sewers of baser minds. There is only one thing for it then � to learn. Learn why the world wags and what wags it. That is the only thing which the mind can never exhaust, never alienate, never be tortured by, never fear or distrust, and never dream of regretting. Learning is the only thing for you. Look what a lot of things there are to learn."

I'm also very much into water sports like kitesurfing, windsurfing, surfing, sailing, SCUBA diving, snorkeling, swimming, etc. I'm not into group sports like football (I enjoy neither playing it nor watching it) or baseball (same) or large groups of people in general, but I enjoy all sorts of activities in small groups like hiking, camping, canoeing, kayaking. I really enjoy amateur astronomy and I observe all sorts of heavenly bodies like our Moon, the planets and their moons, galaxies (like Andromeda), nebulae (like the Great Nebula in Orion). I read voraciously and have a large library. I love books and music greatly and collect both. I also collect photographs and am a reasonably accomplished photographer and digital image editor.

I have been using Linux pretty much since Linus Torvalds released it (more than 10 years) and am an extremely strong advocate of Open Source Software (OSS) in general and GNU software in particular. I had dinner with Richard Stallman (of the Free Software Foundation or GNU project) in 1995 and enjoyed chatting with him immensely. He's just the sort of eclectic geek whose company I most enjoy. I also use OpenBSD, and other free operating systems in all sorts of other applications. GNU is a recursive acronym which stands for GNU is Not Unix (although strangely, GNU is actually in some ways, very much Unix, though not legally according to intellectual property rules. It's pronounced as "G'Noo" which is different from the African antelope called the Gnu (also known as the wildebeest) which is pronounced "New."

I'm doing many more things with my life aside from these, but you'll have to get to know me if you want to learn the rest. I only share the above in the hopes that I might find a like-minded person here though I realize the odds of that are very slim.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
(1) Learning.

(2) Teaching.

(3) Enjoying.

(4) Communication with people (both listening/understanding as well as expressing myself in a way that can be readily understood in written, verbal, non-verbal and other forms of communication).

(5) Massages: back, scalp, feet, erogenous zones, et. al.

(6) Sex (see (1), (2), (3), (4), and (5) above).

(7) All things related to computers.

(8) Communication with dogs (very much like communication with computers and children: be consistent).

(9) Remembering things I've read or heard or seen (but not good at remembering where I left something)

(10) A great many other things that you'll just have to ask about.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Women usually notice my intense and unusual eyes first. The intensity is reflective of my general passion for life, love, creativity, and laughter but it's also because I always look people in the eye when I talk to them or listen to them. I've found that I look people in the eye so much so that I make some people uncomfortable. The unusual aspect is that they are blue and green and gray and brown and the pupils are not quite in the center of the irises---they're slightly closer to my nose.)

Men and women usually notice my generally withdrawn and somewhat aloof attitude first, but that's because I don't open up with someone until I'm relatively certain that they are a member of my evolutionary branch. This is based upon some negative experiences with opening up to people who I later learned were members of the other branch.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
(a) anything by Ayn Rand, Robert Heinlein, David Brin, Carl Sagan, Neal Stephenson, Gregory Benford, Ursula K. Le Guin, J.R.R. Tolkien, Jules Verne, and probably several others that don't immediately come to mind. In particular, Atlas Shrugged, Fountainhead, Stranger in a Strange Land, Contact, Earth, The Postman, Heart of the Comet, The Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank, 1984 by George Orwell, Brave New World by Aldous Huxley, The Ethical Slut.

(b) The Matrix trilogy (for its originality (it's not based on a book), for its shock appeal (primarily in the first one), for its special effects, thoughtfulness, and many other things). I see the world of the Matrix movies as a frightening and extremely accurate metaphor for today's human society. The Tolkien trilogy (though the books were much better), Dead Again, The Preacher's Wife (the original), Contact, All About Eve, most of the Alfred Hitchcock movies, anything with a bizarre plot twist (like Dead Again), many of the old movies (from back when Hollywood was young), The Princess Bride, Moonstruck, Pulp Fiction (for its bizarre plot, surprises, and reverse/random chronology, but I didn't enjoy it on subsequent viewing because it was just so violent and graphic), Amadeus (I don't think it's historically accurate, but it made me want to learn more about Mozart and I love the message about mediocrity).

(c) I like too many artists and genres to name because I have an extremely wide-ranging and eclectic taste in music. It ranges from punk rock, techno, and industrial through classic rock, pop, and new age (like Yanni or Shadowfax) to jazz, classical, a cappella, atmospheric, and ethereal stuff. But you asked for favorites and some of those are Rush (for their thoughtful lyrics and extreme instrumentals (like YYZ)) and Pink Floyd (both before and after Roger Waters left) and Louis Armstrong (Satchemo) and Rachmaninoff and Tchaikovsky and Gershwin.

(d) Italian, Mexican, Vegetarian (though I'm not a strict vegetarian by diet), and natural that I've grown and/or made myself.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Well, in my rational, scientific approach, I'll interpret this literally. I realize that it's designed to give you some insight into my personality and a literal answer probably won't do that, but then again it may. I think the question is really trying to get at what I value most in life, but I think I've painted a pretty accurate picture of that above.

1) molecular oxygen (at the right pressure and with the right proportion of molecular nitrogen and other trace gases)

2) gravity (either real or artificial as induced by centrifugal force---see for more detail here)

3) water

4) food/sex (depending upon whether my perspective is short or long term)

5) sex/food (ditto)

6) vitamins and minerals.

Aside: this is a pretty standard answer that is true for all humans, primates, perhaps all mammals, and most organisms on this planet.

I thought about putting love in that list because I do value it highly, but I have done without it before so it wouldn't be true. And anyway, I'm not needy at all so putting love in that list would be painting an inaccurate picture of me.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Just take away the word "about" above and replace the colon with a period and you'll get an accurate picture of me.

I think about everything.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
With my family reading a book or playing a game or taking a walk.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
That I'm polyamourous which I hide IRL because it's so controversial. With homosexuality becoming so much more widely accepted than in the past, it seems to me that polyamory is the "new homosexuality," by which I mean that it seems to be even less accepted in society overall than homosexuality.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 29–74
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You'd like to get to know me better.