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34 / M / Straight / Single
San Jose, California
- Last Online
- Today – 7:09am
- 5′ 10″ (1.78m).
- Body Type
- Strictly vegan
- Working on masters program
- Artistic / Musical / Writer
- Doesn’t have kids
- Likes dogs and likes cats
- English (Fluently)
SilverArms San Jose, California more adventurous
ChimeraObscura San Jose, California more passive
FeCRK San Jose, California more methodical
HappyJosher7 Los Gatos, California more adventurous
elementcarbon12 San Jose, California less artsy
silicon_artist Campbell, California more introverted
tommyninja San Jose, California less desiring of sex
WildernessWonder San Jose, California more adventurous
[I] Working on a cost-efficient/code-compliant retro-fit for a sprinkler-system here in South San Jose. A software engineer asked me to design a low-use system for the full-sun areas of his yards and gardens. In the process of special-ordering drought-tolerant valley-/state- native shrubs and flowers for the property I’ve found many compatible color schemes..
[II] Seeing Les Miserables later tonight. Hugh Jackman is one of my favourite screen actors. Interested in the production design and cinematography of the film.
MONDAY, DECEMBER 17, 2012
Just finished a conversation with my friend who wrote, directed, and produced the feature film in which I had the lead role. Journey Of Dreams® should be screening some time next summer. Small theaters in some local South Bay cities. Some risky stunts during shooting. I almost fell from the cliffs at a couple state beaches when we were trying to get low-angle close-up shots. Riskiest stunt for me since feigning strangulation by an invisible man while the blade was disengaged. Next commitment is shooting lessons for the detective and FBI feature films in which I’m supposed to act: 2013-2014. June 2013 I receive a certificate in advanced acting from a school in Santa Cruz. I have an AA in Theatre Arts, Film-emphasis.
MONDAY, DECEMBER 10, 2012
Turned thirty-four Saturday night. Next year… Hollywood. If all goes as planned, Journey Of Dreams® screens at Blue Line Cinemas and Los Gatos Cinemas (possibly some other Bay Area cinemas) in May. Suspense-short Sempiternal® begins production in April. Comedy-feature Ushers® begins production in June. Act III of the feature-length FBI film in which I play an agent begins production in July. Ushers II® begins production in December. August of this year marked fifteen years of having done independent screen acting: June 1997 to 2012. Age 18 to 33. This June will be one year I’ve been studying with a master acting coach. By June, I plan to begin making contacts in Los Angeles. Fifteen years in The Bay Area has been valuable. Yet, I seek to broaden my contacts.
THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 29, 2012
Working on some over-night acting-writing assignments. My acting coach has given me a stack of DVDs to watch and analyze. Part of the curriculum to be cross-trained as a master screen-stage actor. Six months of advanced acting lessons so far. Plan is to live with my friend for a month in June to build my contacts/network in southern California. Fifteen years of freelance independent screen acting in The Bay Area. Time for some new territory. If all goes as planned, I will be acting in five independent feature films in 2013. Got the lead in a feature that’s scheduled for screening in June. Day jobs include entertainment grip and garden center landscape-design consultant.
MONDAY, OCTOBER 22, 2012
Working on the screen play and graphic novel for an adventure-horror feature film. Ten years in the making. Finished shooting the scenes I appear in for feature film Journey Of Dreams®. Scheduled to screen June 2013. Ready to begin rehearsals for comedy feature Ushers® sometime in December.
FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 14, 2012
Rewriting the script for Ushers®. The writer tells me tonight that rehearsals and production are no longer scheduled for end of September through end of October. Three years I’ve been writing/rewriting and rehearsing for this film. Supposedly a third producer will be added to the crew. If his condition for investing money is having control of the script and the casting, it could be a serious problem. I have been excused from films after being told I got the role because the investors gave the producer and director the ultimatum to lose all non-SAG actors or they’d walk with their money. Consequently, the producers and directors did the investors’ bidding and fired all non-guild actors. I asked for a stipend for travel and rehearsal time and nearly took the film makers to small claims court for misrepresentation and fraud. They managed to find some loophole to avoid reimbursing me. Having acted in nearly 40 films and videos over 15 years, I’ve learned what to be wary of.
THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 13, 2012
Training a lot attendant who applied for a position in the garden center. He will succeed me as the garden center’s plant consultant. The company is paying me a fraction of what I should be paid. Twelve years as a salesperson and they won’t pay more than $11 an hour. Good thing I do landscape consulting and gripping on films on the side for good money.
TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 11TH, 2012
Shooting along Mount Hermon and at West Cliff Beach in Santa Cruz tomorrow. Two more locations after this: a swimming pool at a mansion in Almaden Valley and the director’s backyard tropics-theme studio back lot. Mai Tais and a pool-size hot tub at the wrap party last week of this month. Next we begin shooting comedy feature Ushers®, Sempiternal® this spring, Retribution® in May, and two un-titled drama-suspense features next summer. The fast-track advanced acting lessons I’m paying for are promised to be the equivalent of an MFA in screen/stage acting. Saddened very much by the fact that I never had the budget to go to acting school due to financial difficulties and the recession. But, the director-producer/acting coach I’m currently working with is pretty phenomenal. Downtime includes feeding raw hotdogs to the giant skunk living underneath her deck.
SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 8TH, 2012
60th birthday party for my father in Santa Cruz. A patio overlooking the valley. Family and friends we’ve not seen for a very long time. A side conversation with my father over wine: December 2013… He and I take off for a second road trip to Mendocino December 2013 for my 35th birthday. Four months to my 34th.
FRIDAY, AUGUST 31, 2012
Happy Halloween. The actual Halloween. The Possession premiers in theaters tonight: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0gBeG31fX40 The one subject that genuinely frightens me: demonology and dark paranormal activity. Physicists have dabbled with the subject and come across things they could not explain. One in nine persons supposedly is wired in such a way as to be subconsciously sensitive to sensing paranormal activity. As a child I remember having vivid dreams and nightmares that contained graphic and/or disturbing imagery.
My grandmother tells me as an adult that when I was a child I used to habitually and consistently talk about a gray house. I supposedly recollected specific details about this house which I had never been to. It turned out to be the house my grandmother grew up in back East on Staten Island. The same house where her clairvoyant mother had died. I have/have had friends (male and female) who are/were deeply involved with spiritualistic practices and witchcraft. I declined their invitations to recite any of the passages or spells they came across. Despite being logical and scientifically minded. I am/was unwilling to do or say anything that might bring about dark energy, even if there is a 1% chance that it exists.
THURSDAY, AUGUST 30, 2012
Finished blocking and rehearsing the actions for the swim sequence in Night Swim®. The director’s friends with a wealthy Almaden Valley businessperson who was gracious enough to let us use his heated pool for the day. The actor who was originally supposed to play the character was unavailable. Being much shorter than him and close in height to the actress playing the mermaid actually worked out better for choreographic reasons. Production commences the end of September. First time in three years I’ve been in a swimming pool. Most are too cold.
Underwater choreography and extensive maneuvers come with little effort fortunately: I was forcefully taught to swim as a child by adults with no tolerance for children’s fear of drowning. The feature film is two hours and twenty minutes. Five acts: each comprised of short stories. Screening is scheduled for summer 2013.
Coffee and drinks with a friend. Offered to have a film production company pay for the repairs on her 1978 Trans AM. Vintage specimen in need of cosmetic and structural repairs. The script for Sempiternal® calls for a pitch black 1983 Trans AM with an enneagram-mounted gearshift. Production scheduled for summer 2013. My friend who does wardrobe consultation/design will likely be hired to create the all-black attire for the driver. The production design calls for a secluded mountainous highway and an old house with a room filled with eerie ornate full-length mirrors.
MONDAY, AUGUST 27, 2012
Working on the script for a suspense short film. Talking to a potential producer and director. Rehearsal with a director later today in Felton/Santa Cruz. Shooting a scene at China Cove Wednesday. White sand and green water: it’s supposed to be unique.
Drafting a contract with the first of two directors. The first of the two has taught acting and dance for over twenty years. She will be customizing an accelerated MFA screen acting curriculum for our meetings and rehearsals. Plan was to earn a BA degree in Theatre Arts and then go on to UCLA to earn an MFA in acting. Dot Com Crash, 911, Housing Market Collapse, family’s astronomical medical bills, a mortgage, and employers refusing to hire college graduates when they can get free labor from interns kept me in San Jose. Acting school was not an option. 1998 to 2008 I dealt with incompetent film makers who didn’t pay me or provide me with a copy of the finished films I acted in cost me ten years of my life: age 20 to 30. 2008 to 2012 has been a fruitful time: sixteen projects in four years. Only planning on working with professionals at this point.
FRIDAY, AUGUST 24, 2012
Director I’m working with has asked me to become her protégé. One year. Once session each week. Two hours per session. I am assured I will be of the caliber of a professional screen actor and receive union rate for work. Fifteen years… A long time to act and receive no exposure. The film we're shooting will screen summer of 2013. Ushers® will likely screen spring of 2013.
FRIDAY, AUGUST 24, 2012
Re-writing scenes in Sempiternal®: suspense genre short film I’ve been working on. I need a black 1978 Trans AM with a molded enneagram on the gear shift. There is a limited edition 1978 Trans AM with an embossed orange Scream Eagle™. A three-minute highway night drive at 75mph will be choreographed. Plan is to shoot on 35mm film: a 15 minute short film for a reel. Budget will probably be $500.
WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 22, 2012
Re-shooting a scene at Pescadero State Beach in Santa Cruz. The camera decided to clean itself rather than record the action. Scaling sandstone cliffs to reach razor-sharp outcroppings bare-foot is all-ways/always memorable. Grateful I did the riggers’ lab to acclimate to aerial grids and narrow fascia grids. Shooting for this film ends September fifteenth. Screening should be some time in summer 2013. Then, on to shoot comedy feature Ushers®. One week of rehearsals then five weeks of shooting. Next, rehearsals for a theatrical production. Currently, I am studying with an acting coach who is a master teacher and who studied under other master teachers. She has coached and trained actors who went on to get leading roles in Hollywood films, so I trust my time and money is well-invested. More importantly, she and I have much in common as artists. I will be attending one-on-one coaching once a week for one year and small class sessions once a week for one year. I am assured my candidacy for roles in feature films will be greatly heightened. Fifteen years of acting in feature and short films has produced mixed results. Too many of those directors were incompetent.
THURSDAY, AUGUST 16, 2012
Day three of shooting for the feature film I’m acting in. Shooting in Aptos, Felton, and Santa Cruz this month and Kauai in March. Upon completion of this film I get a Screen Actors Guild card. 1998 to 2012… It has taken a while. 1998 to 2008 I acted in 30 projects: commercials, public service announcements, and short films mostly. The directors never gave me a copy even though it had been promised in the contract. They disappeared into Los Angeles and cleansed themselves of all of their Bay Area contacts. The thirst for fame is unquenchable, I suppose. The film is scheduled to screen at Los Gatos Cinemas summer of 2013. Last week of September through first week of November I act in comedy feature Ushers®. Look for the trailers on You Tube. Playing a hostile movie theater manager. First time playing an antagonist lead in a feature film.
THURSDAY, AUGUST 02, 2012
I) Received a phone call from a director with whom I’ve been working. She decided to cast me in the lead of her feature film Night Swim®. Shooting begins Wednesday and continues through March 2013. The film screens at Blue Line Cinemas and Los Gatos Cinemas summer 2013.
II) Playing a movie theater manager in feature comedy film Ushers®. Shooting begins September first. Scheduled to screen March 2013.
III) Playing Trans AM enthusiast stranded in a nightmare: short suspense film Sempiternal®. Shooting begins March 2013. Screening July 2013.
IV) Playing a CIA agent in a suspense genre feature film. Shooting begins summer 2013. Screening spring 2014.
V) Playing a detective in drama feature Retribution®. Shooting begins summer 2013. Screening spring 2014.
SUNDAY, JULY 22, 2012
Fifteen years to the day I passed a driving test and got my license. Two years of permit driving due to stunt driver antics belabored the process.
Reading and rehearsing for a role in two feature films this summer. May possibly get a Screen Actors Guild card upon completion. Second and third feature film I will have acted in. Fourth film is slated for summer 2013. Several short films concurrent and in between the features.
THURSDAY, APRIL 12TH, 2012
Recovering from a combat scene from my friend’s short zombie film. The actor and I had to crash into a refrigerator and then a weight bench while swinging on one another for multiple takes to the theme of Astro Zombies. Beers afterwards helped somewhat to alleviate the pain. I’m suing the director if I don’t get a full HD copy when it’s complete. Same friend who on New Years Day tried to break my arm when I set my cell phone alarm to go off once a minute between 11pm and midnight so we didn’t miss the countdown. When I refused to let go of my phone, he dragged me off his couch and proceeded to punch my back, face, and ribs repeatedly. My laughing only further aggravated him. We treasure the memory as The Cell Phone Incident™. We’re both actors. So, it’s all in the interest of fun.
MONDAY, APRIL 02, 2012
Reading the study guide for a certificate in water conservancy consultation from the CLCA: California Landscape Contractors’ Association. Garden centers pay premium wages to master gardeners/nurserypersons. To afford tuition for an MA in Acting from a private academy plus living expenses, I must become an expert at what I do: on-site design consultation for businesses, home owners, renters, and etcetera. The director who just cast me in her feature film tells me the Lee Strasberg Actors’ Academy is the only legitimate acting school worth attending. The tuition is exorbitant, so I work several jobs to cover the tuition for these certificate and degree programs.
SUNDAY, MARCH 04, 2012
Training a lot attendant to be a salesperson. Management fired my wingman: the only other person in the garden center with innate and natural sales skills. Last Saturday management was unable to locate him for 90 minutes during peak sales hours. Forget that he’s a natural and gifted salesperson. They fired him Wednesday night, leaving me without a customer service oriented associate. His replacement… A young talented lot attendant with a natural ability to sell. Rather than see him waste his talent by rounding shopping carts, I told the department supervisor and sales managers he needs to sell shotgun with me during peak hours. Replacing a Rock Singer salesperson is not an easy task. But, fortunately, this guy’s got talent.
Rock In Infamy, James:
The department’s other best.
Cement a legacy of salesship…
That shames the rest.
SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 18, 2012
Trying to heal from yet another back injury. I’m the most credentialed sales associate in the garden center and yet employees and management volunteer me for epic loads. 1000 retaining wall stones into the back of a truck while the driver texts. 5’11”, 155 pounds and they assume loading is my forte. Forget I’m certified as a nursery consultant and garden power equipment consultant. This march I begin certification for water-conservancy consultation through the California Landscape Contractors’ Association. A way to earn money while pursuing screen acting and screenwriting.
FRIDAY. FEBRUARY 17, 2012
Karaoke at Flames on Hillsdale Avenue. A drunken patron congratulated me on the performances and offered me free martial arts lessons in the park. A somewhat random gesture of appreciation. He offered to teach me how to fight with sticks. Might be useful next time I get wasted with co-workers and need to entertain them.
TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 14, 2012
Britannia Arms with a co-worker/friend. Entertaining the bartender and servers with stories of the entanglements we’ve had with the police in our acting ventures: No permits = sirens. Many insults arise within seconds when my friend and I mention that we work for Home Depot: “I guess you never really aspired to be anything” – same response I’ve heard countless times on coffee dates when I made the mistake of answering the question “What do you do for work?” I’ve learned to omit this detail from conversations. It’s not an exaggeration when I tell people I’m a freelance entertainment grip. Then I get shit about living here instead of Hollywood. Most entertainment technicians and artists starve in the epicenter of entertainment.
FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 10, 2012
Preparing for an audition with a screen/stage director. Tomorrow, I audition for the role of a count in a feature period film. Tuesnight of next week I have an interview with a horror film producer and immediately afterwards, an audition for a role in one of her in-production horror feature films. I was asked to have my hair short. I hate having my hair short. But, when attempting to be cast as a character amongst many candidates, I defer to direction. My friends call me and email me with degrading taunts every Valentine’s Eve and especially every Valentine’s Day. What they do not recognize or see is that I have worked in The Retail Industry for twelve years as a cashier and as a sales-person. I witness the cliché-ness of commercial holidays. I would be thoroughly embarrassed if I were to invite a woman or a female friend to spend her time with me on this night because I am feeling alone or I am dateless. As a writer, commercial holidays both humor and sicken me. I came close to being married once, a long time ago. It doesn’t take a commercial holiday to incite affection within me for a woman. Instead of going through the motions of ‘the holiday’, I eat a bowl of heart-healthying kidney beans, a glass of full-bodied dry red wine, and watch horror movies that make my heart-rythyms irregular. Happy whore-ing, the rest of humanity.
THURSDAY, JANUARY 26, 2012
Acting in three trailers this weekend, which the director, writer, and I will use to raise financing so we can shoot Ushers® this summer and hopefully Ushers II® summer 2013. Thirteen years of freelance acting. Thirty six projects in which I’ve acted. Hopefully this will be one that puts me in the realm of career feature film acting. I’ll be 34 this year. My lifelong dream of being a career screen actor/screenwriter will hopefully be furthered with measure. Also supposed to act in several other feature films and short films 2012 to 2013 with actual production companies. 1998-2012… It’s been a long journey.
THURSDAY, DECEMBER 29, 2011
Planning a one-week trip to Burbank for January. A friend who does special-effects makeup-artist work on films invited me to his place. While there, I plan to register with IATSE Local 80 (the movie grip union). If you notice me reading your profile between midnight and 5:00am, don’t be alarmed. This is my alone-time in the home-office, writing and re-writing scenes for screenplays, synopses, and treatments. Being a writer demands dedication. Working ten-hour days then writing for three hours gets tiring, yet ever more interesting.
SUNDAY, DECEMBER 25TH, 2011
Preparing to act in and shoot two teaser trailers for the comedy feature in which my friend and I will be headlining: Ushers® Should start shooting the film some time in late May/early June. Supposed to play an FBI agent in an independent suspense feature this summer as well.
THURSDAY, DECEMBER 15, 2011
Working with a Bay Area producer to shoot the short horror genre film I wrote and registered: Sempiternal®. We’re currently looking for a black Pontiac Trans AM. Working too with a costumer/wardrobe consultant to lock vintage outfits for the characters. The story begins in the present and goes back in time to tell the story leading up to the main character’s mysterious death. I offered to feature my friend’s 1978 Midnight Blue Trans AM but she insists it doesn’t like the attention.
February twentieth I will have completed six of six four-hour Arena Rigging classes. Currently applying for a job with Bay Area venues as either an in-house rigger or a freelance contractor who rigs for events and shows. The job pays well. Also talking with business agents and call stewards from IATSE’s locals, seeking contract labor as a freelance grip/rigger.
Answering casting calls from online message boards, without SAG status, an agent, or a manager. Acting as my own publicist. The agents from John Casablancas and Integrity Casting wanted several thousand dollars up front for tuition and access to their client database. Plus twenty percent if you find work with their clients, with or without their help. I’ve acted in over thirty short films since 1998. I know how to cultivate opportunites and execute leads.
TUESDAY, DECEMBER 13, 2011
I) Rewriting the story synopsis and parts of the script for a suspense genre short film. Planning to shoot some time in the spring.
II) Thinking about friends who didn’t live to see their dreams of being celebrated artists. Several friends are buried at a local cemetary here in San Jose. Strange to think back to sitting in a room with these guys when we were younger, talking aout how we’d someday become famous actors, film makers, singers, and so on. The holidays bring back negative memories. Many look forward to this time of year. I despise it. 1998 to 2005… When I think about the people who disappeared from my life, by choice or by death. I sometimes find myself wondering what we would be like as friends, now, years after all the excess and partying. Would our friendships have developed into something more substantial? It’s a strange feeling standing over a piece of marble with someone’s name etched into it and remembering their laughter and their voices via auditory memory. Eerie yet endearing at once. A friend who still exists from this social circle wants to make an autobiographical feature independent film about his life during this time. The story includes several of us when we were younger and crazier. I posed the question: Who would play he and I at age twenty two?: A couple of reckless and sarcastic kids with nothing to lose and everything to live for. Live fast and die young was such a self aggrandising prophesy back then. Few of us outlived our party days.
THURSDAY, DECEMBER 08, 2011
Turning 33 at 8:56pm tonight. 33… Time passes so quickly. 13 years of freelance acting, writing, and crewing on films and videos: August 1998 to present. It’s been a memorable adventure.
MONDAY, NOVEMBER 21, 2011
Learned that even the most mundane things contain hidden treasures. Local legendary automotive mechanic/garden center salesperson Joe Mac™ called me earlier today to inform me that the flagship freight truck containing the first 1000 of 6000 Christmas Trees banked outside the nursery gates a shade past midnight last night. He was given the assignment of staging one specimen of each of the eight different sized trees in front of the nursery’s gates. While fluffling one of the trees and driving it onto a T-stand, he knocked loose a snake. Onyx body, crimson head, black facial patches, black tongue with blood-red tip. He captured this serpent. A cashier noticed the prize before he could call me and said that she must have it. Be careful… Ornamental snakes are often venomous. Turns out it’s an Oregon- or Washington- native tree-dwelling snake. Friendly, yet non-venomous. Its bite however can cause infection. My one day off and I missed out. Snakes are mysterious. I want an Aesculapian Snake. The one seen on the American Cancer Society’s Caduceus. The Staff of Aesculys and The Staff of Hermes bear this serpent. In this case I was literally ©Sssssssssshiiiiiiiiiit-out-of-luck!
TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 15th, 2011
Cashing out a favor. Ten years ago, before I was a grip, I was a production assistant assigned to the grip-electric departments on shoots. The grips used to have me guard their truck that contained their supplies and tools. One of the earlier shoots I worked on (circa 1998) I was asked to guard the grip truck outside a liquor store in Richmond. We had no private security or police support. Just a drywall hammer and a switchblade to keep violent and insane addicts from storming the grip truck and locations for things they could fence. Having been confronted by more than one homeless guy one night and being explicity told I’d be cut to shreds if I didn’t give him money, I prepared to play t-ball with a gobo knuckle fastened to an 8-inch gobo arm. I yelled at the guy to leave, attracting the attention of one of the crew, who in turn got a couple grips to come outside. The guy left before they got there. The producer on the shoot claims she has access to sarafi and wild animals. She has some sort of special license for owning/renting them. In exchange for nearly being assaulted, battered, and possibly killed while volunteering on her short film, I am prepared to ask her for a favor... Get me an osterich!
My ex-fiancee has always wanted an osterich. It was to be my wedding gift to her, a long long time ago. She and I have gone our separate ways and she has children. But, I still remember to send cards on her birthday and during holidays. Being young and reckless doesn’t make for a solid partnership, we learned. My friend does body art for film makers. He has agreed to paint the osterich pastel-green if I can find one. It would be a long overdue gift. Watsonville has osterich farms. To liberate/steal one would result in arrest or a fine at minimum. To purchase one and have it delivered to her trailer in Wisconsin would be a Christmas Morning gesture.
MONDAY, NOVEMBER 14, 2011
Negotiating a contract with a production company. I want creative credits as actor-producer-writer on this suspense genre short film. I am paying the production company to shoot, edit, and distribute the film while I retain proprietary rights. Shooting should begin in late March. August 1998 to present I have volunteered as a grip and production assistant on commercials, feature and short films, public service announcements, and music videos in exchange for film makers’ assistance when it came time to film or video one of my own projects.
Working closely with a trade schooled residential electrician and self taught automotive electrician to gain some practical knowledge about electicianry so I can float between factions within the almost always aggregated grip-electrics troupes on projects.
MONDAY, NOVEMBER 07, 2011
Downsizing the photos my brother and I took Halloween Weekend and Halloween Night in Santa Cruz and Santa Barbara. He refused to dress up this year. Next year... Anubis. My costume? A punk attired movie grip. A chronology of my costumes…
2011 – Punk Attired Movie Grip
2010 - Punk Attired Movie Grip
2009 – Dead Movie Grip
2008 – Wine Connoisseur
2007 – Whiskey Soaked Chevron Oil Tanker Driver
2006 – Rock Band Bass Guitarist
2005 – Snake Handler
2004 – Asylum Keeper
2003 – My Dealer
2002 – Black Metal Bass Guitarist
2001 - Stage Director/Skull Collector
FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 04, 2011
Writing a narrative outline for one of my scripts. Midnight to 6:00AM is the quietest time to write. I reference sites as I write when I need to research something for accuracy.
Emerging Artists Productions has expressed an interest in meeting with my friend and me to hear a story synopsis in a brief pitch. Plan is to begin shooting Ushers® in late May or early June summer 2012.
I’m still looking for a limited edition 1978 Pontiac Firebird Trans AM for the drag race scene in the director’s cut/teaser trailer. My friend and I are hiring another production company to shoot trailers for this comedy feature.
With trailers, we plan to create interest in the film.
THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 03, 2011
Just got back from Santa Barbara. UCSB’s Film and Media department is massive. Found some leads through San Jose Film And Video Commission. Strange feeling walking around the campus. Reminds me what I looked like ten years ago when I started at San Jose State University. Graduated May 2004. 1998 to 2011 acting, crewing, and writing… It’s been a long road.
Emailing Film department chairs and Acting professors at select universities, seeing if the students need an actor for their senior finals projects: a feature length film.
Replying to emails.
Emailing my acting resume and my entertainment production crewperson resume to Bay Area and Los Angeles production companies and producers.
SUNDAY, OCTOBER 30, 2011
Going to a vampire party at Blue Lagoon in Santa Cruz with my brother tonight. Costume: black jeans, black snakeskin shirt, black half finger gloves, rings, black eye shadow.
WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 26, 2011
One year anniversary of the night this short screened at Blue Line Cinemas in Cupertino. Eleven film teams in the competition. We tied for second place. This is the theatrical version. The director’s cut is fifteen minutes longer. Most of the scenes were omitted due to the six-minute time limit for each team’s short.
See No Evil®
©2010 Kevin Lee Productions®
My Screen Actor Page: http://hstrial-matthewfrazier.homestead.com/index.html
Recent shorts in which I’ve acted:
See No Evil® 2010
On The Fritz® 2009
The Gentle® 2009
Planning to shoot a short horror film this spring. I need a late 70s Trans AM and a haunted looking house. The first short film I’ve directed in a long time. Mostly acting in (or crewing on) commercials, films, music videos, and PSAs. Submitted my photos and resume to The Screen Actors’ Guild’s San Francisco Office Stars The Agency’s San Francisco Office. Hoping to get some acting opportunities.
SATURDAY, OCTOBER 22, 2011a
Made an appointment to meet with a producer one week from Monday. Planning to shoot and act in a comedy feature this summer. I play the main character’s friend and coworker. Looking for a special edition 1978 Pontiac Trans AM for the film – my character’s car: black body, fire-orange trim, embossed scream eagle on the hood. The director’s cut will have a drag race between the 1978 Trans AM and a 2008 Honda Civic. My friend wants to omit the scene because he’s seen how I drive and tries to keep it a secret that he knows I can outpace him. Watch for teaser trailers on You Tube in March. Ushers® by Brandon McMullen. Starring Brandon McMullen as himself and Matthew Frazier as his 50s throwback coworker/friend Jay. The original actor would have played himself but he disappeared for a year and didn’t make any effort to keep in touch, so the writer/director let me audition for the role. Then moved me from dolly grip to supporting actor.
SUNDAY, OCTOBER 16, 2011
Attending a landscape contractors’ expo this Friday. My advertisement for xeriscape (look it up on Wikipedia) design consulting will be up on Craig’s List soon. I work in a garden center as a nursery consultant. Retail jobs in this area pay very little. My lifelong dream of being a movie star will not be well served working low paying dead end jobs. Consultation and design are far more intellectually stimulating and monetarily rewarding. My day job is a nursery consultant and an entertainment grip/rigger. My career is screen acting and screenwriting.
Planning a three-day trip to either Hollywood or Santa Barbara this weekend so we can be there for Halloween Eve and Halloween Night.
WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 12, 2011
Tutoring my friend’s son. He’s on suspension from a high school and is doing online equivalency classes. I told him school will prepare him for the spectrum of personalities he may very likely encounter in his adult life. In high school, I was overweight, shy, and ridiculed for everything imaginable. Then, I turned the tides and became a virtual Math guru until graduation. Lost one hundred pounds by age nineteen. Lost my virginity at age twenty-three. Became engaged that same night. And, became a retail sales legend at every nursery and store where I have worked. At 32 I am still a reclusive and shy person. But, being around classmates and customers forced me into socialite mode. I told this 14-year-old that a computer based version of school will only cripple and isolate him communicatively and socially. I don’t have children. I may never have children. But, I endeavor to advise and share my experiences to better his life.
MONDAY, OCTOBER 10, 2011
Writing and re-writing scenes for the second draft of a screenplay. Haven’t even checked my inbox for over a week. Midnight to 5:00am I am the only one awake in the office, writing. No distractions. Planning a trip to Hollywood for Halloween weekend with my brother. Re-live the olde nights.
WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 05, 2011
Writing scenes for my scripts. Trying to regain my hearing from The Misfits concert last Thursnight at The Avalon in Santa Clara. Almost got close enough to toast fists with Jerry Only. And, mention to him that I want him to act in my horror feature once the script is complete. Pressuring management to designate me as a district wide nursery consultant and trainer for the Spring 2012 new hires.
FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 23, 2011
Rewriting scenes for a drama genre script. I write between midnight and 4:00am on days off. My friend does special effects makeup artwork for films and videos. He asked me to write the script for his story. Shooting will probably begin in spring. Shooting for the comedy feature film in which I am supposed to act is scheduled for next June. The last of my writer friends/college classmates is moving out of San Jose. My friends are either full time managers/supervisors or resting six feet underground from their party days/daze. The handful of us who lived past age twenty-three tell of the olde nights of decadence and excess. May their memory reign in infamy and sempiternity.
WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 14, 2011
(I) Attending the fifth of six Arena Rigging classes next Monday. Six four-hour classes total. The Entertainment Technician Certification Program Academy in New York offers classes to riggers with three plus years field experience. Schooled in Screen Acting, Stage Acting, Screenwriting, and Playwriting. But, learning an Entertainment Industry trade to pay bills.
(II) Recovering from a minor back injury. Being understaffed in the garden center has consequences. After loading boxed grills, mowers, and smokers in the indoor section of the garden center and loading pavers and stones from the nursery, my back is stiff.
TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 13, 2011
Making plans to party in Hollywood or Santa Barbara Halloween Eve and Halloween Night. Whichever is more promising of adventure and decadence. This year I plan to dress as the driver of a Chevron oil tanker ship: aviators, liter of cheap scotch, attitude of despondence and all. I was in middle school when the oil spill cover-up happened. I can now celebrate corporate fallibility as an adult. San Jose lacks the eccentricity, luster, and shameless self aggrandizement of Loss Angeles™. The place is ripe with hellhole entertainment sectors. Get ripped and walk The Strip is my goal this October.
TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 06, 2011
Writing more scenes for the script of the horror genre feature film I plan to bring to Dark Castle Entertainment.
Calling the business agent and call steward from IATSE Local 80 (the motion picture grip union) seeking gigs/jobs: The Bay Area is nearly devoid of cinematic trade work.
In negotiations with management in the nursery in which I work for an hourly wage raise and skills recognition. My job titles are nursery sales specialist, certified nursery consultant, and certified power equipment consultant. By the tens, customers have offered to pay me to walk their gardens and yards and devise irrigation- and landscape plans. California landscape contractors’ association has a certificate program for water conservation specialists (basic and expert level) which I am preparing to pursue. As an actor-writer, I am expected to pay producers and directors for the privilege of volunteering on their films and videos while never getting a copy of the final cut or a stipend of any kind. To dodge bankruptcy and expedite my ascension to professional status, I seek to support myself with trade experience within or without the entertainment field.
Trying to get a copy of the short horror film in which I acted last October. This short film screened at Blue Line Cinemas Theater in Cupertino Halloween Eve of last year. the director says my copy of the theatrical version and his director’s cut will arrive in my mailbox any day now. I have my doubts. Fifteen year reunion next June: would be nice to show my classmates that I actually acted in something. August 1998 to September 2011… acted in independent commercials, feature films, music videos, public service announcements, and short films. Thirty-six projects total. Copies of two.
Saving for a week length-vacation to Hollywood Halloween week.
MONDAY, AUGUST 29, 2011
1... Paying bills online. At least credit unions are more legitimate than banks.
2... Answering online ads for screen acting gigs/jobs.
3... Jogging even though my ass and legs hurt from walking 50 blocks uphill yesterday carrying equipment to and from shooting locations. The vehicles have limited space.
MONDAY, AUGUST 29, 2011
Just got home from San Francisco. Gripped on a music video 9:00am to midnight. Great cast and crew. Fifth project I’ve acted in/gripped on with this production company. Told the director I have a script for a suspense genre short film. Asked her if she’ll read it when it’s rewritten. Maybe direct/produce it. I’d rather concentrate on acting and writing. Rather than directing or producing. Getting ready to shoot trailers for a comedy feature my friend wrote (he and I rewrote) for summer 2012.
MONDAY, AUGUST 22, 2011
August 28th… San Francisco… Grip/Rigger job for a Rock video. Working with landscape architects/contractors/designers and home owners to select trees and shrubs before winter starts. Apiary and insectary native plants are best. Not socializing much, just working. A weekend with my ex fiancée for her birthday reminds me how lucky I am we didn't have children when we were together. The ten years I've been single... Just flew by.
SUNDAY, AUGUST 07, 2011
Got an email from a producer and director this morning, asking me if I want to dolly grip on their music video. I said, “yes” of course. The last time they hired a rigger, the guy took the $250 cash deposit and skipped town. I’m supposed to fly out to Savannah, Georgia end of September to be in a commercial. Better be free room and board at the producer’s place. Airline tickets cost a fortune.
Helping my younger brother pay for repairs and gas on his 1994 Porsche. The doctor who sold it to him conveniently failed to mention the plethora of cosmetic and mechanical work it needs. My college/university graduation gift to my brother was to buy him a car of his dreams. Now, the thing’s turning out to be a fucking nightmare. But, it drives well and angers envious commuters. So, it’s worth the drama.
Looking to work spring season at an independent plant nursery in Hollywood come March. Modest wage. But, closer to consistent movie productions. The South Bay has production companies. But, they’re geared more towards branding and training films. I am schooled in screen acting and screen writing. So, it’s not all that relevant to my career goal.
FRIDAY, AUGUST 05, 2011
Concentrating on finding a writing job. No paying grip or rigging jobs through IATSE for freelancers. $300 for arena rigging classes… Hoped there would have been some work. The plant nursery where I work has cut almost all of my hours. I guess the deadbeats they hired and sustained with springtime hours that should have gone to experienced vested sales associates was not so well spent after all.
Helping my brother find a paying internship or job. Advising him to avoid retail. The benefits and pay are poor. He is a conservation/organismal biologist. I am an actor-writer. Together we can get creative and find something.
Not making much of an effort to meet anyone through this site anymore. Three years of bad dates through this site plus working full time leaves me tired.
Looking for an ostrich for my ex-fiancée. Met up with her for her birthday. She and a buddy have a daughter. She supports them both. I told her I’d try to get her an ostrich so she has something to entertain herself after work, her daughter can ride during the day, and her buddy (the girl’s father) can ride instead of looking for work and while waiting for his state disability and unemployment checks to arrive. I’ve been told I’m generous to a fault.
WEDNESDAY, JULY 27, 2011
Headed to Roseville tomorrow to see a friend. Trains are better than buses. At least I wake up with my boots. Looking for a job at another plant nursery. Autumn is the ideal time to plant shrubs and trees: a 6-month jump on Spring. Dr. Earth and Kellogg are the best fertilizers and soils.
TUESDAY, JULY 19, 2011
Said “No!” to the director who asked me to fill in for the male actor who was supposed to be supporting character/best friend to the main character is her action-adventure porno graduate Film final project. I don’t want to be haunted by my past when I get recognized as a professional Screen Actor. She insulted me beyond measure and asserted that I don’t like women. Incorrect: I don’t like her. She is an asshole.
Completed four of the six four-hour Arena Rigging classes at Stage Rigging in Redwood City to gain access to Rigging jobs and possible entrance into the Entertainment Technicians’ Certification Program at a specialty academy in New York City. Two to five years in the field and then you can qualify for admission. Thing is I’m schooled in Screen Acting and Screen Writing. Gripping and Rigging is something I do for fun and for pay. Not looking to become a career Grip or career Rigger. I work in a plant nursery as a consultant. The pay is shit though. At least union Grips and union Riggers make $50-$100 an hour.
Headed to Hollywood and Santa Barbara for Halloween Weekend to party like a man possessed.
TUESDAY, JUNE 21, 2011
Completed another arena rigging class this evening: Arena Rigger Lab. Watched Super 8 with my father at the Oakridge Mall movie theater. Headed to Burbank to stay with a friend Thursday through Monday. Exploring downtown Hollywood Friday. Attending the 2011 International Makeup Artist Convention (IMAC) in Pasadena Saturday. Driving to a national camp ground eighty miles east of Berkeley Tuesday and camping until Thursday. Taking my parents to dinner for their 36th wedding anniversary Friday.
THURSDAY, JUNE 02, 2011
Preparing for an interview with an executive editor for an Almaden Valley lifestyle magazine. I haven’t pursued any paying writing assignments, contracts, or jobs for three years. Just concentrating on working and pursuing acting.
FRIDAY, MAY 20, 2011
Writing scenes for a zombie film script right now while listening to early career Motley Crue and Poison on You Tube in the background. June fifteenth is approaching.
WEDNESDAY, MAY 18, 2011
May be renting a room in Hollywood in June. I’m working on building a professional and social network of entertainment artists and technicians. 2001 to 2011 I’ve been stuck in The Bay Area because of family issues and the recessions. But, time has come to move on. San Jose is not a place to be if you want to act or write, I have found. August 1998 to present I’ve acted in independent feature films, music videos, PSAs, and short films. It’s been entertaining. I endeavor to act in feature films at a professional level. San Jose has not yielded this opportunity.
FRIDAY, MAY 13, 2011
Shoot next weekend. Director wants me to play a college professor. Another director’s got me slotted for an FBI agent in his drama feature next summer. Horror genre short films are my specialty though I write in all genres. Looking forward to seeing Motley Crue, New York Dolls, and Poison June fifteenth. My friend’s 44th birthday gift: a glam rock theme tailgate party all week wherever we are. Until the police start questioning us. Summer 2002… Having sex with my ex fiancée in the parking lot of the neighborhood church on weeknights in my Pontiac and then leaving empty tequila bottles was well worth their attention.
MONDAY, MAY 09, 2011
Designing a drip irrigation plan for the back yard. Supposed to save up to 70% on the monthly water bill. The most intricate of the eight four-hour classes I passed to get certified as a nursery consultant.
Looking forward to the next arena rigging class in Redwood City next Monday evening.
Looking for a life mate for my pet rabbit. It’s been almost four years since my Blue Silver Marten Rex died. Looking for a Netherlands dwarf: They look very much like Gremlins.
Trying to make plans for the weekend. I realize how little I actually socialize. Being committed to work to the near exclusion of a social life really is not good.
TUESDAY, MAY 03, 2011
Pushing for an hourly pay raise at the garden center/plant nursery where I work. Key sales associate for the business and I make less than teens who just got hired off the street with no prior retail sales experience. Working on getting some work with Bay Area film production companies as a paid grip. Working for free August 1998 to present has not been paying the bills. Taking another arena rigging class May 16th. Six four-hour classes to complete the curriculum. Taking film grip rigging classes when I get to Los Angeles.
FRIDAY, APRIL 29, 2011
Writing the outline for an adventure feature film my friend and I are co authoring. Writing scenes for my own scripts. Actually writing three scripts and three outlines at once. It is exciting to multi task.
Watched Papa Roach headline at The Avalon last night. Met the bass guitarist from an opening band. Exchanged contact information. I will be doing PR copy for their band this summer and fall through the manager and record label. Reminded why I don’t drink liqueurs… As a gesture of good will, a patron poured his triple shot of jager into my empty plastic beer cup and departed. I drank it and realized how sensitive I am to anything with sugar. I crashed in the car on he way home, though I had only two beers at the concert.
Just emailed/uploaded clips from the horror shorts in which I acted: Home Invasion® and See No Evil®…
Home Invasion® (working title) Highlight Reel
By Travis Braz: Eraserhead Rules Pictures®
See No Evil® by Kevin Lee Jr.
Just registered with Stars Agency in San Francisco, seeking representation in The Bay Area. Going to the Papa Roach concert this evening at The Avalon. My brother and I saw our friend’s band open there for Alien Ant Farm a ways back. Supposed to see Mercyful Fate and Kind Diamond there a long time ago. They canceled. Working towards getting Texan Hard Rock band Black Tora booked to headline or be the prime opener for an act. The singer-bassist and lead guitarist are supposed to act in the zombie feature I’m writing. Supposed to grip on/act in a couple music videos for their band at some point. They’re in negotiations with their label currently.
Emailing a link to my site and my acting resume to actors, agents, casting directors, directors, managers, producers. Attempting to get some work in San Jose, The South Bay, and The Bay Area.
Writing and rewriting scenes for my zombie adventure horror feature. Looking to show the script to horror film producers in The Bay Area.
Studying vendor print and web literature to become a certified irrigation specialist for the garden center and nursery.
Thinking about the film shoot coming up this weekend. First time I will be credited as key grip/rigging grip on a film.
Headed to Santana Row one evening next week to generate leads for the nursery. It has been a slow spring sales season. I am the nursery’s key salesperson. Highest rank for a salesperson. Borderline lower management in rank.
Looking forward to the next of six arena rigging classes next Monday. May get to work on some independent feature films this year as a rigging grip. Specialty grip work is my goal. Muscling heavy equipment is still something I can do. But, I prefer to be better compensated as a specialist.
We tied for 2nd place among 11 teams when the short films screened at Blue Line Cinemas last October. My back still hurts from being run into the door frame. That yell was real. See the short: See No Evil:
And, my Screen Actor web site:
Celebrating Easter with my pet rabbit and drinking cheap beer. I have the house to myself this evening. Putting on black eye makeup, drawing on my face with black grease makeup, and listening to Never Mind The Bollocks: The Sex Pistols, 1977, Virgin Records. Saw an interesting movie last night. Had strong coffee. Wrote an epic letter, realizing later that I repeated myself repeatedly because my head was spinning from the drink. Last night was the first time I have set foot in Santana Row since security exiled my brother and I for leafleting during the Prop 2 campaigns. The 15-year-old sheriff of Santana Row is a dick. Trying to map out my summer schedule for acting in and crewing on films and music videos in The Bay Area and Los Angeles. I want to be a professional Screen Actor. It is quite difficult to do that in The South Bay. My friend has offered to let me stay with him for a month in Glenndale. He is a professional Special Effects Makeup Artist. I am a freelance Entertainment Specialty Grip. Jibs look like angry dinosaurs.
Just finished creating a web site for freelance screen acting. Hoping to get some leads.
Just spoke with a call steward from another IATSE local. I will be working the U2 show at The Oakland Arena June 2nd. Moving on with new work. Good news to follow the disappointment from yesterday. Also learned my friend will be doing all the special effects makeup for a feature film in Burbank this summer and he may be able to get me onboard with the studio’s crew as a grip.
Calling and emailing business agents, call stewards, and entertainment contractors seeking some crew gigs and crew jobs. Calling and emailing graduate students and independent filmmakers seeking acting work. Working in the garden center and nursery. Working on integrating valley and state native plants into the nursery. With the price of water becoming exorbitant, I work at persuading customers to stick to low water use and drought tolerant natives.
Working with a student from De Anza College on his quarter final project for his 16mm Film Production II class. I auditioned for a role. I am also gripping on the short film. Also creating a site where directors and producers can view samples of my acting, photos, and my resume. August 1998 to present I have been building a network of Film and Video actors and crewpersons with whom I work. All in an effort to expedite my career goal of becoming a professional screen actor and professional film grip/rigger.
My brother and I are visiting our aunt and uncle in Reno. Long train ride from San Jose. Watched half an hour of local news for kicks. Lame segments. I interned with KNTV News Channel 11 from August 1999 to January of 2000. Educational and vocational. But, the stories that make the screen are obscene. Supposed to see a park or reserve tomorrow. Got an email from a director out of Cupertino. Supposed to audition next Friday. Shelling out for an agent and professionally done headshots in a recession is not feasible. So, I’m marketing and representing myself.
Talking to a producer about acting in his horror/suspense film. So far, the only genre films and music videos in which I have been cast is horror. Fortunately suspense rather than gore. Suspense demands more of me as an actor. Gore can be impactful if used sparingly and in the right context. Most gore style horror films I’ve seen were done to excess and looked fake. The Evil Dead trilogy was intentionally farcical. But others were excessive. Horror genre films have come to be my forte. Film students and independent horror filmmakers tell me that my appearance and presence give me an edge over other candidates for the roles in their films and videos. I don’t know if that’s true.
Had a performance review at the garden center/plant nursery where I work. Was told by the department manager and the store manager that my status has been updated to key salesperson and I will be working permanent mid day shifts on weekends: power hours. I have been assigned trainees. It is a nice compliment. But, I am looking for more work in The Entertainment Industry. Not Retail. Professional motion picture grips and riggers make very good money. An avenue for financing movies and supporting myself while acting and writing screenplays.
Getting ready to take grip and rigging classes at San Francisco City College while living in San Jose to get more work with IATSE: International Alliance Of Theatrical Stage Employees And Motion Picture Technicians. I’ll be spending much time on the train.
Completed a four-hour class on Trusses & Rigging Math (part II) last night at Stage Rigging in Redwood City. Fortunatly, I'm good at Math. Glad I completed Calculus. I plan to complete all six classes and get signed off. The Entertainment Technician Certification Program interests me. My goal is to become a professional motion picture rigging grip. Though these classes are for arena rigging, I still want to learn the fundamentals of rigging. I mentioned having worked as a grip. I have volunteered labor on feature films, short films, and music videos since 1998: non-paying independent projects. July 2004 to present I have worked with ESPN through their recruiter Kwokman Productions as a sound capture/utility grip. I did this (and continue to do this) for hands on experience. I am looking into taking classes at San Francisco City College for more training.
Compiling a list of Acting schools in Los Angeles. Been wanting to go to Acting school for ten years. Stayed in San Jose to help my younger brother pay for college and help my father pay for his and my mother’s surgeries and my aunt’s chemo therapy. In head-to-tail recessions, it’s been a challenge.
Working on getting certified as a lead generator. Solar City has a consignment agreement with the company I work with. The garden center and nursery stand to generate much profit while helping home owners save hundreds of dollars on their electricity bills.
Working towards earning California Certified Master Nursery Professional certificate. One sales associate I speak with regularly has a PhD in Botany. I make a habit of seeking out and shadowing experienced and knowledged persons.
Crewing on films and music videos. Working towards becoming a professional motion picture grip and working with IATSE and the studios (as a job) while continuing to pursue Screen Acting and Screen Writing as an art and as a career.
No favorites. I’ve spent countless hours reading college/university textbooks. I read journal/trade magazine articles more often than books. Not really a huge fan of fiction novels. But, tabloids can be highly entertaining.
No favorites. No favorite genres either. Some that I like?…
Gladiator. Indiana Jones Tetralogy. Star Wars Hexalogy. Troy. Van Helsing. Pretty much any Adventure Epic. Some comedies: mostly parodial or satyrical.
AC/DC, Alice Cooper, Bad Company, Bahaus, Charm City Devils, Chris Cornell, Danzig, Dave Evans, David Bowie, Dirty Penny, Fast Track, Foreigner, Girl School, God Smack, Green Day, Hole, Joan Jett And The Black Hearts, King Diamond, Led Zeppelin, Mega Death, Mercyful Fate, Metallica, Motley Crue, Nine Inch Nails, Ozzy Osbourne, Peter Gabriel, Poison, Quiet Riot, Rabbit, Radiohead, Red Sunday, Rob Zombie, Scott Weiland, Soundgarden, Stone Temple Pilots, Temple Of The Dog, The Beatles, The Breeders, The Clash, The Doors, The Misfits, The Ramones, The Sex Pistols, Thom Yorke, Thunder Down Under, Tom Petty And The Heart Breakers, Twisted Sister, Vince Neil Band, Yes… To name a few.
Most times, I eat the same basic things: soups and vegetables. I work late into the night or until dawn - on closing shifts and overnight shoots. So, I eat light. Often grilled eggplant and brazed tofu. I do enjoy good beers.
III. Hard Rock
IV. Punk Rock
Owls. Of every kind. My first word. Many have told me I look like an owl. I told my family if I achieve financial wealth as an artist or business owner I will maintain meager means and invest the funds into animal- and forestry preservation. I have to have some place to wander around when I talk to myself. My grandfather hanged pinecone owls everywhere at the house when I was a child. Any time I feel stress or any negative emotion I think of owls and the feeling dissipates.
THURSDAY, AUGUST 02, 2012
Why I bother looking for anyone online or on this site. My income, my height, and whether or not I have kids seems to be paramount. If I pass the litmus test I can look forward to a 90-minute interview over coffee. Just like shopping for a used car, I guess. Somenight I will publish a graphic novel celebrating all the nightmare dates I’ve been on over the last ten years since my fiancée died.
THURSDAY, MARCH 15, 2012
I get way too many accusatory/rude emails in my inbox. Yes, I’m 33 and hold onto my lifelong dream of being a professional screen actor. It’s not a pipe dream: I have acted in films and videos for 14 years, just not Hollywood blockbusters. So, end the insults. I had plans to go to acting school in Los Angeles when I graduated from West Valley College in 2001. A recession and back-to-back family medical issues kept me in San Jose for the past 11 years. If your little brother almost died of a blood clot in his heart and your father risked losing the house because he had to choose between a mortgage and keeping his partner alive, I venture to guess you too would stick around and do whatever you had to do to keep from watching your family dissolve. If that makes me a loser, then make me a crown with the biggest “L” you can fabricate. This is why I despise online dating: being made to feel like a piece of shit because I have obligations. I’d rather be alone than be with a soulless gold digger. You know who you are. End your shallow bullshit. It gets stale.
FRIDAY, OCTOBER 28, 2011
7:00 tonight… I see three of the original twelve olde night party friends from years ago. 2001-2011: It’s been a long time. Our sacred inductive mantra reigns untarnished:
Pour many a drink.
Let not a drop spill.
Long live the patrons…
Of The Great House Of Swill!®
Too bad only five of the twelve lived to tell of our legacy: Willow Glen’s most self indulgent and macabre fraternity of lunatic-Rock conneseurs.
Halloween Night 2002 I lost my virginity to my ex fiancée. And desecrated my friend’s couch in the process. It wound up abandoned behind a Longs Drugs store the next week.
FRIDAY, AUGUST 05, 2011
Met up with a customer to see a movie last night. First woman I’ve met up with who didn’t tell me I look smaller in person than in my photos or interrogate me as to my income and living situation. Didn’t have to apologize for living at home to help pay the mortgage and support my brother while he looks for a job and graduate program. Interesting when you meet someone in person. No photos to give false or misleading impressions. I guess that’s why dating sites are a joke and meeting someone in person is actually worth it. Sorry, Ok Cupid.
TUESDAY, JULY 26, 2011
With the ridiculous volume of rodenticide my neighbor puts out, his dog died. Bed sheets topped with rotting fruit beneath the trees’ canopies and he wonders why they come. The rats that eat well from his yard have tried to take refuge in the attic. But, become a meal for the opossum that lives behind and underneath our tool shed. The opossum eats from the grape vines that cover the fence between the neighbor and us and sleeps in the shaded grape-cannabis vineyard growing there. The opossum makes itself scarce and avoids the baited areas as well as the rotwielers and shotgun.
MONDAY, MAY 16, 2011
Taking class four of six for arena rigging 3pm to 7pm tonight. Working towards becoming a certified entertainment technician so I can escape retail. Degrees in Liberal Arts, Theatre Arts, and Advertising apparently do not qualify me for a job that pays a living wage. I enjoy celebrity status at the plant nursery where I work.
What I would look like with… Green hair with purple highlights, purple hair with green highlights, or… Slate-blue hair when I get older. It creeps my retired party buddies out that I’m older than them and I still look like I did when we were young and reckless in our party days/daze. I don’t smoke. Plus the sugar-free Rock Star and cheap Merlot kept me well preserved.
Achieving recognition for my efforts and my work. Currently shopping one of my scripts to graduate students and independent producers(some who are friends) to get a director and cinematographer for my suspense short film. I act and I write. I am not yet savvy with a motion picture camera.
October 2007/October 2010… It was a strange feeling seeing myself on a screen in a movie theater for the first and second time. It was a surreal reaction seeing something fictional blended with something real. As a writer it felt very strange. You perform in front of a camera yet you know it is live footage of yourself portraying someone fictional yet the experience is real.
MONDAY, APRIL 23, 2012
I wept. Under a willow tree. My friend and I agreed to head to a local cemetery at night for coffee. While cleaning and sorting earlier that day I happened across long lost photos in a dusty envelope that dates back ten to twelve years. In these photographs are group photos of me and friends at the time. Many of whom I no longer see, speak to, or are alive. It saddened me to see these pictures. While drinking coffee that night against a backstage of lightning and thunder I admitted to her that it pains me that I never got to know these persons as adults. We were irresponsible and reckless kids partying all the time. Several never lived to see age twenty five. I often wonder what they would have been like had we remained friends after our years of excess and immaturity. Wind and cemetary willow limbs wipe away tears very efficiently. More so than Time's ever-effacing hand.
THURSDAY, DECEMBER 15, 2011
I turned 33 last week. I’ve been trying to break into professional screen acting since I was 19. I have plans to start a production company to produce movies for which I write scripts, with some outside financing. The students and independent filmmakers are guilty of the same thing: regardless of how good an actor someone is… If they wouldn’t fuck you… They’re not gonna cast you in their film unless it’s to play a bit part as a one-dimensional character.
TUESDAY, DECEMBER 13, 2011
I’ve been told I look like an owl. My eyes are large for my face.
TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 15TH, 2011
The guest house I occupy here in San Jose is haunted. My very religious/zealous co-worker/friend tells me it’s because I had premarital sex with a party girl who was outside the religion…(my ex fiancee). She woke me several times in one night on several occasions, claiming she could hear commotion and voices. All while living with me in this guest house when I was a full time student and living here to save money while working towards a BS degree at San Jose State University. I have awakened many times, feeling as though there were someone standing over me or nearby. In college, I took General Psychology as a G.E. elective. One of the books I read was Lucid Dreaming. An account of patients claiming to have supernatural experiences while being hooked up to machines in Stanford University’s Dream Research Institute within the school of Medicine. Patients experienced drastic fluctuations in heart rates and heart rhythms when they were physically and verbally manipulated into very low stages of sleep. Many reported seeing things within the room the way they appear in reality. Yet, some things were arranged differently. Sometimes a person or a shadow would loom over them. I began keeping a dream journal and began reading books on Dream Psychology. I had to cease reading eventually because it creeped me the fuck out. There is a famous story in Egyptian lore about two twin sisters – princesses – who had a dream that they had been mauled be a half human/half animal creature. They awoke to find themselves scratched and scathed in the very same places they had dreamt. Quantum Physicists have explored the possibility of supernatural activity for many years. Some claim there are ways to measure activity outside of humans’ sensory and especially visual capabilites. My cousin teaches Yoga. In college, she wrote a comprehensive report about common experiences among those who claim to have been visited by presences. Halloween persists year-round in this house.
Monday, October 31st, 2011
I meant to post this one Halloween Night… I don’t sleep in rooms with mirrors if I can help it. When I was very young my cousin and her friend would look after me when my parents went out for the evening. My cousin’s friend was into The Occult and would do things to frighten me: locking me in closets with the lights off while screaming violently, locking me in our chest freezer and sitting on the lid, tying me to the bed post then turning out the lights and screaming. One time she drew a pentagram with an all seeing eye in its center on the floorboards in my room and forced my hand onto it. She spoke in some strange dialect and pretended to become possessed. She dragged me into my parents’ bedroom and forced me to stand before the mirror while she told me demons could see me even though I couldn’t see them and they would thereafter start watching me in my sleep and come out of the mirror to attack me. Being five at the time, I believed a couple 15 year olds. At 32, the eerie uncertainties of The Afterlife coupled with memories like these give a good scare when it’s dark.
MONDAY, AUGUST 29, 2011
Evil spirits watch me when I lie in my bed late at night after work and pleasure myself. So too do the Halloween decoration life-size skulls atop my bedroom bookshelf. My room is a dark and frightening place. Friends have told me they feel presences in and about my house when they come over to hang out. I then offer them more beer or wine. I sleep on the couch in my living room. My bed invites nightmares. Some house guests have had nightmares when they crash on my couch.
FRIDAY, JULY 22, 2011
Planning a trip to San Francisco next week and an investigation into the production company shooting Knife Fight – the new Rob Lowe film. The nursery declined my request for the day off when open auditions were being held for bit part actors and extras. Now I have to get headshots and a resume to the production company or the casting director.
February 2001… After being told I had the role of Adrian, the producer/writer gave the role to this guy. Fair enough: He was a Rock singer with a label. I was a student actor at the time. The record label invested venture capital into the film. My venture capital was tuition and rent.
I am using a site to meet someone because being committed to my jobs keeps me from having a social life.
- Girls who like guys
- Ages 24–34
- Near me
- Who are single
- For activity partners