Find better matches with our advanced
matching system

—% Match
—% Enemy

KickWaterUphill

30 M Abingdon, MD

My Details

Last Online
Today – 6:36am
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
6′ 1″ (1.85m)
Body Type
Thin
Diet
Smokes
No
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Religion
Atheism, and laughing about it
Sign
Pisces
Education
Graduated from university
Job
Education
Income
More than $1,000,000
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids, but might want them
Pets
Likes dogs and likes cats
Speaks
English (Fluently)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
"You're like the stuffed animals I used to rescue at garage sales. I mean, like...a Care Bear. Only not boring."
-psychologist, while drunk

World-wise naif. Philosopher in a barrel.

I'll eat off your spoon.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Child slaver. It's hard to quit when the kids expect to see me every day.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Teasing out the grotesque and unsettling implications of things.

Knowing what you're feeling. Yes, you. That's why I'm not judging the fuck out of you.

Living with myself.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Lips, hands, hair. I wear a lot of black, so people want to either hug me or avoid me (the only reactions worth going for in any case).
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
People's taste in music has some connection to how they move in bed, but dislikes can be just as telling. I love techno and hate metal, but both genres have that relentless pounding beat that enfolds you and grips your spine, so even if you cringe at my candy-coated synthpop and I wince at your...Creed, or whatever's pushing the frontiers of metal these days...we're likely to move the same way. I also like folk but I don't know what that means. (FYI: country and rap are said to exist on the same sort of spectrum as electronica and metal).

House is the underachieving masterpiece of modern television. Sometimes I think I just need a girl-bodied House to my boy-bodied Wilson, getting a good left brain/right brain dynamic going. I also like It's Always Sunny, Taxi, and the many dramas mushrooming on cable. I liked Black Butler, so maybe I'd like some other anime.

Favorite movies include Remains of the Day, Burton-goth stuff, and Drop Dead Fred. After watching Womb, I like seeing Eva Greene in mainstream movies (300 2 lul), just because I think it's funny to imagine her thinking about what she *really* wants to star in.

Jung aside, I read shit like Games People Play and The Decline of the West (the Egon Spengler book, not Pat Buchanan's), so I don't think we're going to be connecting over what we read. Maybe urban fantasy; I've read a bit of Gaiman, Let the Right One In, and Patricia Highsmith's short stories (she wrote the one about the giant snails on a deserted island), but I can't usually appreciate fiction unless I'm stoned.

I like my cookies like I like my eggs: soupy. Otherwise, I'm vaguely health conscious and even cook, but I look at food the same way I look at the economy: it might be important, but it will never be interesting.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
An inner life. I dissociate when possible.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
the fictional characters I'm in love with (one from each stage of my life, actually), but don't worry-you'll be my primary.

The way two people who are close swap personalities as the years pass.

The way we inherit irrational fears and paper them over with whatever's currently rational, like the way the medieval fear of invisible demons grew into our modern fear of invisible germs.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Playing Communist Monopoly. I'll trade anything for the gutted church.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I seduced the psychologist I quoted above. She wasn't drunk at the time, though, because I have values.

When I was a kid, I wanted to be disfigured a la the Conrad Veidt Joker because I thought it would make me cute.

I feel sympathy for inanimate objects when they're damaged or in danger. The saddest part of Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter was when the train was struggling to climb the broken railway.

I pay a lot of attention to the way words feel in my mouth and how pleasant or distressing they are to pronounce. A lot of attention. I-have-a-whole-science-to-it level of attention.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 18–99
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For long-term dating
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
you think telling me your life story in long emails or over drinks in a pub/parking lot/cemetery is the best way to let me connect with you.

You're playful and get off on being your partner's favorite person in the world (none of that adversarial "chase me" shit-that's fun in bed sometimes, but I'm looking for my comrade-in-arms, not a competitor).

You'd convince me you were Lenin in a past life just for the lolz.

(I'd really, really like to share an out-of-body experience with someone, so if you know how, mentor me.)

But we don't really choose our lovers.