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38 Newport, RI Man


I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 28–45
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My Details

Last Online
Yesterday – 7:17pm
5′ 7″ (1.70m)
Body Type
Mostly anything
Trying to quit
Atheism, and laughing about it
Gemini, but it doesn’t matter
Dropped out of university
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Doesn’t have kids, but might want them
Likes dogs and has cats
English (Fluently), French (Poorly), Other (Fluently)

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My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Self-summary? I don't know how to do that. For better or worse, I am not a short story. I've never been a six-words-or-less kind of guy. I don't think anyone can do this adequately. If I were browsing profiles and found a woman with a self-summary that one could just add water to that reproduced her authentically, I don't know if I'd propose marriage or kill her to prevent her from infecting the human race. Depends upon my mood, I suppose.

I guess it's easier to talk about how I spend my time.

I do food, which is great, because I love food. I've worked in pastry and in culinary, longer in the former. These days, I cater. In spite of all prevailing logic, I like my work. As an old friend used to say, the hours are long, but at least the pay is lousy.

I'm pretty obsessed with most forms of music, and dig playing guitar and singing and stuff, even though I'm only sorta good at it. I might play a few too many video games, but that comes and goes.

I really enjoy writing. I think I'm pretty good at it, but I know I don't devote enough time to the practice. So far, the only progress that I've really made is that I have stopped trying to write the great American novel, and am now merely trying to keep myself entertained. I'm working on some short stories about a psychometric detective right now. It keeps me (mostly) out of trouble.

I respond to enthusiasm.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Mostly: savoring the chaos.

By day, I am a comestible resource alchemist, dedicated to the gentle art of transforming edible stuff into better edible stuff. By night, I tend to plod along slowly at various artistic endeavors, mostly concentrating on creative writing with a little bit of music scattered in to keep me sane. For a little while, I was trying to teach my cat how to walk like a human, but he never mastered anything beyond just standing there, so I gave up. Aside from that, I just try to stay as entertained as possible.

At the end of the rainbow, I'd like to open up a little cafe/bistro of my own. I'm in the embryonic stages of the plan, but stranger seeds have borne fruit.

I've also had a back-burner dream of becoming a published author. Though I've usually got some little project in progress, I wrestle constantly with the commitment of time and effort. I'm hoping to give it another go this winter when my day job quiets down, but we shall see.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
- Making a crappy first impression followed by a stellar second impression.
- Food, with concentrations in pastry, killer sauces, and most known applications involving pork fat.
- Fixing stuff, broken or otherwise.
- Wielding a red pen.
- Forgetting to bite my tongue.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm a smiler. Because of this, most folks start out thinking that I'm more cheerful than I really am. This has mostly worked to my advantage, but there have been notable exceptions.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
As books go, I mostly read novels and short stories with the occasional memoir or political diatribe sprinkled in for color. Oh, and cookbooks, though I rarely cook with a recipe actually in front of me. A few favorite books: "A Heartbreaking Work Of Staggering Genius" by Dave Eggers, "Good Omens" by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett, "Inside Mr. Enderby" by Anthony Burgess, "I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream" by Harlan Ellison, "The Real Frank Zappa Book" by FZ and Peter Occhiogrosso, "Still Life With Woodpecker" by Tom Robbins, "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest" by Ken Kesey. Lots more. I'll stop there. I also read lots of plays, but less now since I don't really *do* plays anymore.

As movies go, I like a lot of things, ranging from cheap to classic. I like sci-fi, horror, action, adventure, comedy, westerns (particularly the classic spaghetti variety), martial arts flicks. I do like drama, but it's got to be gritty and dark. Think the opposite of Seabiscuit. If it's smart enough, it doesn't have to be dark, but it must certainly be gritty. A brief smattering of off-the-cuff essentials: Once Upon A Time In The West, Dr. Strangelove, Miller's Crossing, GoodFellas, Evil Dead 2, Rear Window, Zombieland, The Shawshank Redemption, Pulp Fiction, Fists Of Fury, Naked, Groundhog Day, The Usual Suspects, The Godfather 1 & 2 (but not so much on #3), Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, Alien, The Exorcist, Rosemary's Baby, Young Frankenstein, Brazil. I'll stop there.

TV shows: *Doctor Who*. Boom. *The Twilight Zone*. Boom.
(I'm talking mostly about the original Twilight Zone, though there were some decent episodes in the modern reboots.)

And lots more. A selection of current faves: Breaking Bad, Fargo, Sherlock, Orphan Black, Penny Dreadful, House Of Cards, House Of Lies, It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia, Louie, Misfits, The Thick Of It, Community, Star Trek (TOS and TNG, but not so much with the later shows), Farscape, Firefly, Agents Of SHIELD, 30 Rock, Masters Of Sex, Torchwood (even though Miracle Day was kind of a drag), Fargo. There's more, I'm sure.

I get 95% of my news from Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert. As a guilty pleasure, I'll also watch any old crap with Gordon Ramsay in it.

As music goes, there's something good being done in every genre, without any exceptions I know of. Having said that, my tastes are fairly rock heavy with a flair for the indie. I also heavily dig on "less-typical" forms of jazz and classical music. As for most other genres, I've got some select favorites, but I only dabble. I don't really dig on much popular music, basically because the radio pop-rock scene a corporate cesspool. Some favorites: Guided By Voices, Frank Zappa, Tom Waits, King Crimson, Husker Du, Arcade Fire, Modest Mouse, The Mountain Goats, Ryan Adams, John Zorn, Mr. Bungle, Spoon, The Clash, Elvis Costello, Charlie Mingus, Ornette Coleman, Bill Frisell, Sage Francis, Superchunk, Wilco, My Morning Jacket, Beck, Soundgarden, Shellac, and the incomparable Marvin Pontiac.

Spinning in my car as of 10/10:
Ryan Adams & The Cardinals: III/IV
Naked City: Radio
Frank Zappa: Overnite Sensation/Apostrophe'
Mission Of Burma - Signals, Calls and Marches
Robert Pollard And His Soft Rock Renegades: Choreographed Man of War
Guided By Voices - Under The Bushes Under The Stars

Food. I like food. This works out well, since I make my living from it. I eat entirely too much red meat, but I'm working on that. I also eat way too much bacon, but I'm not working on that at all. My favorites tend to be American standards, and my international sensibilities seem to usually veer towards Italian. I also dig Thai and love me some sushi.

Essentially, if you make me some pork belly, I'll love you until the end of time.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
1. Good friends.
2. Good music.
3. Good food.
4. A decent quality santoku.
5. A bottomless arsenal of sarcasm.
6. My sonic screwdriver.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Fictional character development. Recipes. Jamming out on the guitar. Plotting my next move. Christmas Eve of 2000. Magic and loss. The human condition. Somehow making myself my own boss.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Lost in Chinatown, looking for my Wookie.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
"Trying to quit" has been my smoking status since I joined this site.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
1) You've actually read my profile and have determined that we have something in common.

2) You're ready and available to start seeing someone on a casual basis, both emotionally and logistically.

3) You're not already seeing other people. I'm not interested in competing for your attention or affection.

4) You find weirdness appealing on some level.

Unless it's Tuesday. Then you should message me anyway, even if it's just a meatloaf lollipop recipe or whatever.