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KingSchmaltz

30 / M / Straight / Single

New York, New York

His Details

Last Online
Yesterday – 5:33pm
Ethnicity
White
Height
6′ 0″ (1.83m).
Body Type
Fit
Diet
Mostly anything
Smokes
No
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
—
Religion
Atheism
Sign
Aquarius
Education
Graduated from college/university
Job
Banking / Financial / Real Estate
Income
Rather not say
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids, but might want them
Pets
Likes dogs
Speaks
English, French (Okay), Czech (Poorly), Latin (Okay)

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My self-summary
Myers-Briggs: INTP/ENTP (depending on the day and company)
Zodiac: Aquarius
Str: 15 - Dex: 12 - Con: 16 - Int: 18 - Wis: 11 - Cha: 17
Likes: Hummus; Howard Stern; Phish; NY Mets; the West Village; Beaches/Water; Spontaneity; Existential Philosophy; Recreational Chemistry
Dislikes: Pigeons; Inflexibility; Authority; Umbrellas; Slow City Walkers; Inconsiderate Subway Riders
What I’m doing with my life
A bit of debauchery shaken and mixed robustly with an ambiguous sense of purpose. Professionally, I try to find people with money and places that need money and hook them up. Sort of like okcupid for capitalism. On an amateur level, I "blog," "punch up scripts," and heckle hecklers at too many poorly-attended open mics.
I’m really good at
Having really good genetics. Being humble.
The first things people usually notice about me
My baby blue eyes and guinea charm.

Kidding. They probably notice my small bone structure and animal magnetism. Winning combo.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
This is by the far the most meaningful part of this profile.

I'll get back to it.
The six things I could never do without
*Water - not cliche. Poland Spring sends me a pajama-gram on my birthday. Also, I like to swim.
*Music - live, recorded, digital - name it.
*Adrenaline and Endorphins
*Comedy - standup, especially
*Random Encounters
*Witty Banter
I spend a lot of time thinking about
That twitter plagiary must be the most insincere form of flattery.
On a typical Friday night I am
Thinking of a response that does not resemble "there is no typical Friday night."
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I am somewhat ornithophobic.

I also have a tattoo of an anthropomorphic sun on my right shoulder that resembles the face of Al Roker. Suggestions welcome.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 18–42
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, activity partners
You should message me if
you have been in rehab and/or prison. you find humor in the most mundane of places, like the misfortune of others. you enjoy rock and roll.

or, if you're so inclined and want to know the dude behind the profile.