Caitlin Chaquanda Demerious Johnson was born in 1968 in an
experimental vacuum chamber in an underground nuclear research
facility in Tanzania. During her childhood, she
frequently frolicked with the local wildlife, and it is believed
that this was the starting point not only for her affinity with
gators, but for the extreme meerkats fetish she will acutely
develop overnight on the eve of December 29, 2027. At the age of
six, she single-handedly built the world's only tree house to
contain a bowling alley, which she ran for a tidy profit with a
small employ of dedicated squirrels, until they unionized and
insisted on dental coverage. Growing up, her hobbies included
ninja
bobsledding, Strip Hungry Hungry
Hippos, and apartheid. As a teenager, she rebelled
against her parents by getting a tattoo of the entire U.S. Tax Code in
microprint on her inner thigh, which she continues to update each
time revisions to the Code are passed. She met her husband Tom on a
deserted island, where she rescued him from the advances of an
amorous
platypus. Today, Caitlin is known mainly for her large breasts
and her skill with a lightsaber. Her current residence is
a hollowed-out ball of twine in Slicklizzard , Alabama , where she
lives with her pet Kalashnikov named Yippy and two
feral albino children she found in a rusty shopping cart under the
bridge.
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I am vivacious, bright, and a gamer girl
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The Skinny
How Well We Know
Ethnicity White
Height 5' 6" (1.67m).
Looking For New friends, Long-term dating, Short-term dating
Smokes No
Drinks Sometimes
Drugs Never
Religion Catholicism but not too serious about it
Sign Leo but it doesn't matter
Education Working on two-year college
Job Student
Income $0-$20,000
Kids Likes children
Pets Likes dogs and Dislikes cats
Languages English (Fluently), C++ (Poorly)
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My Notes edit
My self-summary
What I'm doing with my life
My long-term goal is to become a very traditional stay-at-home mom.
I have a lot of love to give my kids and my husband, and I’m very
excited to spend my days doing just that! I’ve seen a lot of
evidence supporting the idea that a traditional family setting
(think: dad goes to work and has dinner waiting for him when he
gets home) is the best choice for a growing family, and I’m willing
to work to achieve that goal.
These goals may seem to be in conflict with my current goal of attending college, but they are not. I know that the well-roundedness of mind and character I will achieve by pursuing a college degree will only aid me in the decisions and effort I make for my family. No one ever asked for an unintelligent, poorly educated wife or mother.
Also, I'm pwning n00bs in the meantime.
These goals may seem to be in conflict with my current goal of attending college, but they are not. I know that the well-roundedness of mind and character I will achieve by pursuing a college degree will only aid me in the decisions and effort I make for my family. No one ever asked for an unintelligent, poorly educated wife or mother.
Also, I'm pwning n00bs in the meantime.
I'm really good at
Solving riddles, most video games (especially Guitar Hero... I've
beat every game on Expert), being organized, making muffins, making
puns, and making sexy time.
I once invented an intense cipher and placed it in a library book. My cipher was a riddle that took you to a secret location in my hometown. At this location, I left a box full of silly treasures and another cipher that, upon decoding, would give you my e-mail address. In July of 2008, I received an e-mail from a man telling me that he had found my treasure. It was one of the happiest (and coolest) days of my life.
I once invented an intense cipher and placed it in a library book. My cipher was a riddle that took you to a secret location in my hometown. At this location, I left a box full of silly treasures and another cipher that, upon decoding, would give you my e-mail address. In July of 2008, I received an e-mail from a man telling me that he had found my treasure. It was one of the happiest (and coolest) days of my life.
The first thing(s) people usually notice about me
I’m overweight but I maintain a pretty pronounced hourglass figure,
which I’ve been told is especially striking. Most of the
compliments I receive on my physical appearance pertain to my large
breasts (thanks Internet guys!), big dimples, full lips, green
eyes, and plush tush.
One of the best compliments I’ve ever received was from PrinceCharmin8, when he said that I had a “big, beautiful, unashamed laugh.”
Edit: No, I'm not dating PrinceCharmin8. He's very single and very awesome. If you're a hot babe in the Mobile area, you should message him.
One of the best compliments I’ve ever received was from PrinceCharmin8, when he said that I had a “big, beautiful, unashamed laugh.”
Edit: No, I'm not dating PrinceCharmin8. He's very single and very awesome. If you're a hot babe in the Mobile area, you should message him.
My favorite books, movies, music, and food
A- Books: Anything by: Chuck Palahniuk, Bret Easton Ellis, Amy
Hempel, Abbie Hoffman, Denis Johnson, Craig Clevenger, and
Katherine Dunn. I’m currently reading and adoring Watchmen by Alan
Moore and Dave Gibbons.
B- Movies: The Princess Bride, Reservoir Dogs, The Dark Knight, Apocalypse Now, Punch Drunk Love, Requiem for a Dream, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Goodfellas, American History X, 25th Hour, Garden State, True Romance, Fight Club, Slingblade, Love Actually, Pulp Fiction, Finding Nemo, Jackie Brown, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind,To Kill a Mockingbird, Baby's Day Out, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Life of Brian, The Notebook, Office Space, Alice in Wonderland, The Breakfast Club, Taxi Driver, Thank you for Smoking, V for Vendetta, Twelve Angry Men, The Usual Suspects, Little Miss Sunshine, The Dark Knight, The Lion King, Pocahontas, The Little Mermaid.
C- Music: Sonata Arctica, Masterplan, The Devin Townsend Band, Dream Theater, Allen-Lande, Avantasia, The Poodles, Frameshift, Blind Guardian, Europe, Frost, Three, Dream Evil, Steelheart, Lordi, Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds, Metallica, Ayreon, Liquid Tension Experiment, Pantera, Van Canto, Type O Negative, Megadeth, Strapping Young Lad, Iron Maiden, Iced Earth, Steve Vai, Joe Satriani, Yngwie Malmsteen, Primus, Buckethead, Opeth, System of a Down, Tenacious D, Death Cab for Cutie, Sufjan Stevens, Iron & Wine, Cold War Kids, The Shins, The Decemberists, Toby Keith, Alan Jackson, Tim McGraw, James Taylor, Third Eye Blind, Everclear, and Justin Manna and the Hungry Israelites!
D- Food: I enjoy making healthy, delicious food. Also, I love ice cream, steak, cheese, and cotton candy.
E- Video Games: Final Fantasy, Chrono Trigger, Legend of Zelda, World of Warcraft, F.E.A.R., Max Payne, Katamari Damacy, Team Fortress, Broken Sword, Guitar Hero, Half-Life, Portal, Mario Kart , Diddy Kong Racing, Kingdom Hearts, S.W.A.T., Hitman, and many, many more.
B- Movies: The Princess Bride, Reservoir Dogs, The Dark Knight, Apocalypse Now, Punch Drunk Love, Requiem for a Dream, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Goodfellas, American History X, 25th Hour, Garden State, True Romance, Fight Club, Slingblade, Love Actually, Pulp Fiction, Finding Nemo, Jackie Brown, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind,To Kill a Mockingbird, Baby's Day Out, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Life of Brian, The Notebook, Office Space, Alice in Wonderland, The Breakfast Club, Taxi Driver, Thank you for Smoking, V for Vendetta, Twelve Angry Men, The Usual Suspects, Little Miss Sunshine, The Dark Knight, The Lion King, Pocahontas, The Little Mermaid.
C- Music: Sonata Arctica, Masterplan, The Devin Townsend Band, Dream Theater, Allen-Lande, Avantasia, The Poodles, Frameshift, Blind Guardian, Europe, Frost, Three, Dream Evil, Steelheart, Lordi, Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds, Metallica, Ayreon, Liquid Tension Experiment, Pantera, Van Canto, Type O Negative, Megadeth, Strapping Young Lad, Iron Maiden, Iced Earth, Steve Vai, Joe Satriani, Yngwie Malmsteen, Primus, Buckethead, Opeth, System of a Down, Tenacious D, Death Cab for Cutie, Sufjan Stevens, Iron & Wine, Cold War Kids, The Shins, The Decemberists, Toby Keith, Alan Jackson, Tim McGraw, James Taylor, Third Eye Blind, Everclear, and Justin Manna and the Hungry Israelites!
D- Food: I enjoy making healthy, delicious food. Also, I love ice cream, steak, cheese, and cotton candy.
E- Video Games: Final Fantasy, Chrono Trigger, Legend of Zelda, World of Warcraft, F.E.A.R., Max Payne, Katamari Damacy, Team Fortress, Broken Sword, Guitar Hero, Half-Life, Portal, Mario Kart , Diddy Kong Racing, Kingdom Hearts, S.W.A.T., Hitman, and many, many more.
The six things I could never do without
Elliot Stabler, Olivia Benson, John Munch, Fin Tutuola, George
Huang, and Don Cragen.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
My mind is so silly that it constantly produces hilarious content
for me to enjoy. I’m a big fan of ridiculous humor and you should
be too!
On a typical Friday night I am
Pwning n00bs.
The most private thing I'm willing to admit here
... I poop.
You should message me if
You want to send me a silly song that you created for/about
me.
I have recently become aware of the fact that I have a predilection for men whom some would call “nerds.” If you listen to Blind Guardian, play hours of video games every day, and graduated at the top of your class in school, I’m all yours.
You should definitely message me if you fit the above description. Smart, confident guys are incredibly sexy.
Also, please message me if you found me by searching for any of my ridiculous keywords.
I have recently become aware of the fact that I have a predilection for men whom some would call “nerds.” If you listen to Blind Guardian, play hours of video games every day, and graduated at the top of your class in school, I’m all yours.
You should definitely message me if you fit the above description. Smart, confident guys are incredibly sexy.
Also, please message me if you found me by searching for any of my ridiculous keywords.
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