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28 M Newport News, VA

My Details

Last Online
Jul 19
Native American, White
5′ 10″ (1.78m)
Body Type
Strictly anything
When drinking
Atheism, and very serious about it
Graduated from space camp
Relationship Status
Seeing Someone
Relationship Type
Doesn’t have kids, but might want them
Likes dogs and dislikes cats
English (Fluently), Latin (Poorly)

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My self-summary
Attention: if you have a bike and are known to be at least somewhat fearless, skip reading this bullshit. LET'S RIDE!

I'm an asshole. A semi-attractive due to my partially exotic appearance asshole. If you read past this warning and waste your time, it's your own Damn fault.

To equate judgement and wisdom to occupation -former or current- is, at best, insulting. So, get bent.

I am almost certain that you cannot handle me or keep up.

There's a good chance that something about you will give rise to the desire of punching you in the face. It's a pretty normal feeling, and I've almost got it completely figured out- I think. I'm housebroken.

Reasons you'll need to buy a map (because I will insist you get lost):

If you wear superhero symbols or memorabilia but have never picked up a comic book. Seriously, watching the movies (n) times doesn't count. If you had ever read a graphic novel, you'd know why.

Shirtless guy pics tacky? So are mirror selfies, car selfies, tits hanging out all over the place, top down photos to hide that you're fat, perfect angle pics that make you look way more attractive than you are, duckface pics, gang signs, and while skydiving pics aren't-they are played out.

If you're overweight and your body type says "average." You can argue all day about national averages. Still not the average body type worldwide.

If you have somewhere in your profile that you aren't looking for a one night stand... Yeah, got that when it doesn't say anything about casual sex near the bottom. If you're too stupid to realize that people who don't read your profile don't read it, you probably think the best thing for our crime rates is to get rid of guns.

If Trek >/= Star Wars and/or cod>Halo/Battlefield get bent and die in a slow and painful manner.

If you have one or more photos captioned by your iPhone or your Android. Or if you have an iPhone.

You commonly feel lost in intelligent discussions, but you still swear you know everything.

If Pluto isn't a planet to you.

If you're on some sort of medication (excluding birth control) or drugs. Yeah, Zoloft counts too. Why? If you need a coping mechanism because life sucks, or you're a danger to yourself and others without a pill, you're a timebomb.

If you think for some reason that "dislikes cats" means that I'm going to kill your precious cat(s). It means that I'm not going to buy or adopt one.

If my honesty has upset you: you probably have something about wanting someone honest in your profile. You don't want that. I'm honest. You know what that makes me? An asshole. When someone's fat and you say they're fat, their response is never "Wow, you're really honest. I like you." And don't try to post-predicate the statement with anything. Honest is honest.
What I’m doing with my life
I have myself a horse,
Fire is her name.
And though she's made of steel,
I love her all the same.

Wait, that isn't true,
I was quick to speak before.
Because she is of metal,
I love her even more.

She will never be the fastest,
Of any of the steeds.
But because of how she's built,
I can ride her where I please.

Through snow covered mountains,
Wooded, winding trails,
Sands of endless desert,
She will never fail.

And though you might mock her,
Or even me, you see.
It doesn't really matter,
For we will always be.

And if you are a place,
Where you don't expect a bike...
You might just see my Fire,
Be it day or night.

I am a motorcycle tech. I work from 9- whenever I'm done Monday through Saturday. This has been as late as 2 am so far. I work on my truck on Sundays. Basically, I don't have time. I'm just using this as an opportunity for friends and possibly scoring my roommate a date.
I’m really good at
Creative problem solving, protecting what I care about, and finding the mistakes that you have in your profiles. Seriously, do not put anything about English, spelling, or grammar if you can't police your own profile. I have had more revolutionary and coherent drunken text battles than nearly all of you seem to be capable of sober.
The first things people usually notice about me
is that I cut them off in traffic.. or something.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
You don't read my favorite books,
Or watch my favorite show.
And my favorite music,
Probably isn't even known.

And while we're on the subject,
Let's talk about my food.
You definitely wouldn't try it,
Which is frankly just quite rude.

So why don't you just get bent,
You stupid freaking tool.
You're already completely useless,
'Cause all you do is drool.

Don't pretend you have an interest,
In anything I say.
You've already seen my pictures,
Now you can go away.
The six things I could never do without
Tools, a bow, motorcycles, and trustworthy people. Someone that is really materialistic can have my other two.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
When you stand up, where does your lap go? Why drive on parkways and park on driveways? Why do aliens abduct the dumbest people and why are they just as fascinated with sodomy as some people? Why my rice krispies never have anything valuable to contribute to the conversation at hand? When will I get my very own pet dragon? Why so many vegans/vegetarians are on this site..? When will vegetarians learn that our ability to eat plant matter is a back-up to eating meat? Why so many people that insist one must have propper syntax, grammar, spelling, and intelligence to message them but their profile is 'jacked-up'? Why this, why that, and why everything else? When everything that is right is removed- do you have all that is wrong, or all that is left? Why no one aside from Merriam, Webster, or I seem to have a clue what 'down to earth' actually means (look it up, it is in a dictionary.) If you're a woman that claims to be down to earth, chances are better that you are: a post-op transvestite, retarded, mentally handicap (not to be confused with retarded), an alien, an actual alien abductee, a rocket surgeon, confused, too lazy to read a dictionary, illiterate, a high school dropout, American, non-American, Anti-American, someone who probably has their feelings hurt, or just plain stupid. Less than three percent of females in the world happen to be "down to earth."

Short answer: just about everything.
On a typical Friday night I am
Doing Friday-ee stuff.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
So.. when I was little I happened to think that the toilet also doubled as a water-based teleportation system. I might have drawn this conclusion from cartoons. I may have also drawn a great deal of other conclusions from cartoons. Needless to say, my parents weren't amused that I wanted to give some of my toys and some of our food to kids in Africa. Or maybe they just didn't like my choice of shipping it. At least the plumber wasn't surprised.

They didn't know for at least a week.

I was raised Christian. When my therapist told me that it wasn't healthy to have imaginary friends, I told God he had to kick rocks.
I’m looking for
  • Everybody
  • Ages 20–80
  • Located anywhere
  • For new friends
You should message me if
you really shouldn't, but I won't stop you. Chances are I will even respond. But then you'd really be in trouble.