I can't stand beer. I'm getting a lot of crap about that from you people, but you're not thinking clearly. See, I'll never take any of yours. Similarly, anyone out there like red wine? That way I get all the white.
I'm a linguistic prescriptivist. The horrible things people do to English make me sad and angry. That being said, I don't like to hyphenate.
I'm very fond of hats. That's hats, not caps.
In my travels, I've noticed I can't lift shit, so I recently started strength training. I'm looking forward to leveling up; I have never had any physical strength my whole life.
It took me almost a year, but I mastered biscuits and pie crust! Pizza dough continues to kick my ass, though.
I'm good at selecting apples. I know it doesn't sound like much, but nobody else in my family can do it. I was ten before I learned apples are supposed to crunch.
I'm fantastic at finding a webcomic that sums up a situation. Tell me what's going on in your life and I'll come up with a link to a relevant comic inside of five minutes. Usually I'll have one in mind right away but will need to trawl an archive to find it.
I am seriously the best at giving presents. I channel the limitations of money and time into a meaningful item based on the recipient's known interests like nobody's business. It's like a fun logic puzzle that I also get to pick out a colorful bow for.
Here's some stuff I'm bad at: changing an entertainment center into a play kitchen, math (arithmetic is okay), social cues, pretty much any physical activity, pottery, reading music, anything requiring a candy thermometer, logistics, carrying yarn, pouring without spilling or dripping, taking shots and loading the dishwasher.
I'm probably wearing glasses.
Judging by my pictures, I am about never home. But really, why would I take pictures of where I live? I know what where I live looks like and I can go to different parts of it whenever. There is no need to immortalize it.
I have two Pandora stations. One is "David Bowie" and the other is "The 90s".
Steak is my favorite food. New York pizza is also really good.
At home, it's my Chromebook, my nail clippers, headphones, my cats, ice and socks.
If I go out, I like live performances, usually comedy. I also like karaoke if I've been drinking.
If I don't have plans, I fuck around on the Internet until I can't keep my eyes open.
I hold a position on the Wars of the Roses.
When I am stuffed up, I like to sing "Twisted" by Keith Sweat.
I only just learned how to text from a wikiHow.
Update: I learned a punctuation shortcut. Sweet! Now I don't have to avoid contractions anymore.
Update update: New phone! Now I have a keyboard. I don't know how I lived without one.
I didn't want or much like kids for years, and at some point, I don't know when, I started to think that children are cute and it'd be pretty satisfying to mold a new person, and that really pisses me off. Nothing has changed, but my biology is tricking me.
You have really good hair.
You are absolutely certain when to use "me" and when to use "I".
You're a Yorkist.
You're a Keynesian.
You know where I can buy a hat like the red hat I had before, because I lost it.
One more thing: it's cool if you're not a huge cat person, but if you're crazy allergic, probably it's not gonna work out.
I feel like if you read to the end, you should get something for your trouble, so here: I saw this on Food Lab and it improved my life.
1. Insert a probe thermometer into the middle of a steak without touching the bone.
2. Salt and pepper the steak on both sides. Bake in a 200 degree oven until it reaches 10 degrees under the temperature you like your steak at.
3. Remove the thermometer from the steak and sear the crap out of it in a hot cast iron pan (the steak, not the thermometer).
4. IT'S SO GOOD OH MY GOD.
You could also follow these four steps to a perfect steak: http://angryflower.com/1074.html