So, you’re already cool with the fact that I would definitely replace my arms and/or legs with totally bad-ass cybernetics if given the chance, and you’d still love me all the same. And that’s good, because that’s an important one. The last thing I want to come home to after a quadruple amputation and hours of surgery is shrieking and crying about “Monster this” or “Insane that”. Neither of us wants that, that’s no fun for anyone. Also I can shoot missiles out of my kneecaps now, so… might wanna keep that in mind. Just sayin’.
You think driving around in the car, maybe in the mountains, finding back roads and little middle-of-no-where cafe's and antique stores while belting out lyrics to everything from Hopsin to Disney songs sounds like fun? Perfect. You should do that, but with me. You and me should do that. At the same time. Together, we should go together.
You enjoy my collection of Space/Star Wars/Otherwise-Geeky bandannas that I always wear, and don’t mind that I like to wear long sleeved shirts a lot even though I always push the sleeves up to my elbows at all times, effectively ruining the whole point of long sleeves in the first place. Seriously, I think I might have them install sleeve clips at elbow height on my cybernetic prosthetic, that’s a quality-of-life- improvement right there!
It’s good that you admire the fact that I dedicate a lot of time learning silly things like juggling or walking a coin across my knuckles even though we both know it serves literally no practical purpose and I look like a fool dropping a coin in my lap and cursing at it for several hours at a time. We both know it’s just going to culminate, after many hours of repetition and a dozen YouTube how-to’s, as me yelling “Hon! Hon, look at this! Watch, it’s awesome!”, then proceed to to perform the task with a shit-eating grin on my face and and all barely contained excitement of a jawa in a droid factory, only to then never do it again until the next time I’m watching The Labyrinth and you see David Bowie juggling around a crystal ball. “Oh yeah, I can do that! Sweety, have you seen my juggling ball??”
Of course you know that my favorite of the X-Men is Gambit (followed by Colossus) and my favorite Turtle is Raph (followed absurdly close by Donnie). If I could pick a superpower, it would definitely be time manipulation. I’d pretty much just stop time whenever I have to sleep. Man I hate sleeping, I’m upset that I have to spend like ¼ of my life doing it.
So! Since you obviously know so much about me already I’m going to pretend that it’s not weird at all because I literally have no idea who you are and seriously how do you know so much? Are you watching me? Did you see that thing with the…? Oh geez… Look, it wasn't what it looked like! Okay! Okay, we can talk about that later, but first, maybe you should send me a message and tell me a little about yourself to even the tables a bit? It's okay, take your time, I’ll wait.
Seriously though, are you done yet? I’ve already learned how to make like 4 balloon animals, how is this taking so long??