First of all, do not expect me to open doors for you. In fact, beware as I will likely trip you if you try to cut in front of me. I expect you to prepare home cooked meals daily and then clean up my mess after I eat. By the way, I’m a very messy eater. Food all over the floor, the furniture, but mostly my clothes. You will find my socks and underwear on the floor wherever I took them off and yeah...they stink. I refuse to do laundry and insist that you do it for me. Don’t just leave that sh*t in the dryer. Everything should be ironed, neatly folded, and put in its proper place when you’re finished. Your other duties will include (but not be limited to) making sure the fridge is stocked with cold beer and have a spare pack of smokes on you at all times. At no time should you ever attempt to light my cigarette or open my beers after you bring them to me. I’m a grown a** man and can do things for myself. You will find the toilet seat is always left down because I'm too lazy to lift it up. Fear not my aim is usually pretty good. Also, I don’t do romance. It simply takes too much time, effort, and money. I will be expecting action on the first date and I don't just mean second base! No, I will not be sleeping over and yes this will be at your place. I don’t want you knowing where I live. Plus my parents don’t allow visitors after 9PM.
Apparently I’m supposed to address these four points in order to be successful here and not waste my time.
1) List my hobbies – punching babies, removing the whiskers from kittens, and teasing the handicapped.
2) Express my goals – obtain my GED so I can be promoted to into management. KFC has a very strict policy on this.
3) Mention what makes me unique – I have three testicles
4) Taste in music – It’s a toss-up between the Worthless Peons and Gary & the Tone Rangers.
Ok ladies I'm looking forward to your emails...Ready, set, and GO!
What I’m doing with my life
Saving up my welfare money so I can move out of my parents house
I’m really good at
The first things people usually notice about me
That I do not have a Guatemalan accent
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Dr. Suess, I practice my words everyday. I don't watch TV because I
can't afford cable. Thanks to my food stamps I get plenty of milk,
eggs, and cheese.
The six things I could never do without
The paddle game, and the chair, and the remote control, and the
matches, for sure. That's all I need. The ashtray, the remote
control, the paddle game, this magazine and the chair.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Why can't I paint trees like Bob Ross...he makes it look so easy
On a typical Friday night I am
Watching Murder She Wrote reruns
You should message me if
Congratulations if you made it this far. Hopefully you're laughing. If not, sorry but we'd never get along and depending on your reading level you've wasted about 2 minutes of your life. Don't take life too serious...it's not like you're going to make it out alive.