Random things that pop up. I tent to have random useless knowledge
in my head.
Here are some random quotes I found hilarious.
Things I'm not allowed to do at Hogwarts
No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do I will not
imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class
Polishing my wand in the common room is acceptable. “Polishing my
wand” in the common room is not.
If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that fact
and draw the Dark Mark on their arm.
I will not call the DADA teacher Kenny
, even if he is wearing an orange
I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball
I will stop asking the Arithmancy teacher what the square root of
I will not take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter
Professor Flitwick’s first name is not Yoda
When fighting Death Eaters in the annual June battle of Good v.
will not lift my wand skyward and shout “There can be only
ONE!”.Gryffindor courage does not come in bottles labeled
It is inappropriate to slip sample bottles of Selsun Blue into
Professor Snape’s personal postbox.
I will not put books of muggle fairy tales
in the history
section of the
I will not refer to the Accio charm as “The Force”
I will not tell Professor Trelawney that I foresaw her death.
If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for longer than 15
seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.
I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintballing
I will not give Hagrid Pokemon
cards and convince him they are
I will not tell first years that they should build a tree house in
the Whomping Willow.
I will not tell first years that Moon
Prism Power is a basic Transfiguration
(An anime and Harry Potter reference in one joke!)
I will never ask Harry if his scar senses are tingling.
I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my Calculus
I will not sing “We’re off to see the wizard” when sent to the
The Whomping Willow is not an Entwife.
I shall not give Professor Snape a bottle of shampoo for
I may not chase Seamus Finnegan around school in search of his ‘Pot
o’ Gold’. Nor am I allowed to tell people he’s a leprechaun on
I may not refer to Sirius Black as ‘Seriously Black’.
I am not allowed to ask First Years if they need help ‘polishing
their wand’. No matter how funny their reactions are.
I get plenty of exercise: jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck,
and dodging deadlines.
Like Daddy always said: If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance,
baffle 'em with bullshit!
I'd give you a piece of my mind, but I'm on my last one.
Everyone has the right to be stupid. Some people just abuse the
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the
great ordeal of meeting me is another matter. - Winston
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match it for me at
I'm not prejudiced. I hate everyone equally.
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked
When someone tells you nothing is impossible, ask him to dribble a
If you can't beat them, join them. If you can't join them, bribe
them. If you can't bribe them, blackmail them.
Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.
Admit nothing, deny everything, demand proof - then blame a
Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much. -
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
I just got lost in thought. It wasn't familiar territory.
Incoming fire has the right of way. - War Laws
I don't fight with idiots; they bring me to their level then beat
me with experience.
I can only please one person a day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow
is not looking good either.
Laughter is the best medicine... or is it the wine?
Are you going to kiss me, or do I have to lie in my diary?
Beans beans are good for your heart! The more you eat the more you
A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where
the bus stops. On my desk, I have a work station... "