I'm going to sing your pants off while it's pouring down rain and drag you into the ocean. Then I will laugh at you because you are not wearing pants and you are soaking wet and it is freezing. Then I will cartwheel away until I am dizzy, at which point I will start singing again and ask if you have any lunchmeat.

I am vegan and it is very important to me. Did you think I look like this because I sit around eating steak and beating dogs all day?

I am looking for someone who likes sad girls. Not because I am sad, but because I would like to be sad when I feel like it. If you are sad, it better not be about something stupid. That would really piss me off.

I am a lousy lover. I love the wrong things and I love them way too much. But I'm good at what I do.

I smell like flowers and taste like an ash tray. I have a stupid butt. I like cookies and candy.

Want to see your dick shorten? Think of me with your mom's hair. If you don't have a dick, imagine me with your dad's hair and you'll grow one.

"You gotta take life cereal, baby."

Okcupid should change the word "inbox" to "hitlist." I'm sick of people messaging me in regard to their own bad astrology or poor dietary choices. You don't need me to validate you just like I don't need you to validate me. P.S. Don't IM me, either.

I can throw as many rocks as I want. I'm a brick house.

Vaginasaur.

No, really.

I like to hang out in the locker room at the public pool so I can shower with strangers.

Being awesome.

And running into things.

The only vegans in Seattle that don't want to date me are MorningBlend, individual99998, and erickretterath. Let me know if you would like to be added to this list.

Obviously, I'm really good at okcupid because staff robot says my profile is 100% complete. When I saw that the first thing I thought was, "100% bitches" immediately followed by, "God I hate my life."

Also, I'm really good at making okcupid users wish I dated meat-eaters.

My smile and that I am giggling.

And no I am not giggling because I am girly, I am generally giggling because life pleases me.

But sometimes I am giggling because I am girly.

Then they ask me if my eyebrows are tattooed on my face.

Favorite reading material:

Authors:
Christopher Moore
Kurt Vonnegut
Denis Johnson
Richard Bach
Walt Whitman

I love reading anything about philosophy, history, politics, supernatural, or spiritualism.

I very rarely read a book I don't like. I prefer non fiction, but still love reading fiction.

My favorite movies:

Natural Born Killers
Run Ronnie Run
School of Rock

My favorite music:

Old school punk, such as
Dead Kennedys
Dead Milkmen
Crass
Cramps

Classic rock, such as
Beatles
Led Zeppelin
Pink Floyd
Jimi Hendrix
Big Brother and the Holding Company

Classic pop, such as
Don McLean
Dave Clark Five
Peter, Paul, and Mary
Bob Dylan
Joan Baez

(Oops, I folked that up a bit!)

Newer rock/garage rock, such as
Cold War Kids
Bright Eyes
White Stripes
Radiohead
Decemberists

Old country, such as
John Prine
Patsy Cline
Johnny Cash

Alternative, such as
Violent Femmes
Sublime
Jane's Addiction
Red Hot Chilli Peppers

I don't listen to music.

Favorite food:

Vegan sex food

The thought that Mickey Knox really does exist and he is out there waiting to show up on my doorstep with some meat. (Woody Harrelson is vegan.)

Tits so great that they make guys like Skippunk say "I might take him in my mouth, but I'd have to see those tits unclothed to really judge if it's worthwhile"

Thanks to the kind IM from WhoopsBanana I now know that "Since you ask, acne on the gluteal region is multifactorial. Assuming you're otherwise healthy you could blame your progesterone, but it's more likely a colonisation of Propionibacterium acnes"

What it would be like to...

What would happen if...

The strange connection between...

The irony in...

The sillyness of...

How angry I am that...

How much apathy it takes for people to...

Hanging out with 13 year old boys.

I hit my head at least once a day. On accident.

Ohh...and I want to kill you.

You want to help me flat iron my notebook paper.

You want to take me make-up shopping.

You can explain to me why I get zits on my ass without telling me to do laundry or start wearing underwear.

You like Trailer Park Boys.

You want to find out if now_then can beat you up.

****PLEASE... Do NOT message me if you are looking for a sex partner and you are not vegetarian. I am not interested in having relations with anyone who eats animals.****