I am bubblegum, lollipops, and fourthmeal.
I'm going to sing your pants off while it's pouring down rain and drag you into the ocean. Then I will laugh at you because you are not wearing pants and you are soaking wet and it is freezing. Then I will cartwheel away until I am dizzy, at which point I will start singing again and ask if you have any lunchmeat.
I am vegan and it is very important to me. Did you think I look like this because I sit around eating steak and beating dogs all day? It's a big fucking deal. It's not some diet I'm on; it's a rights issue. Rest assured, I don't eat gay people or black people, either.
Not without their consent, anyway. ;)
I live every day like it's my first. That doesn't mean I'm willing to put up with your bullshit.
I am looking for someone who likes sad girls. Not because I am sad, but because I would like to be sad when I feel like it. If you are sad, it better not be about something stupid. That would really piss me off.
I am a lousy lover. I love the wrong things and I love them way too much. But I'm good at what I do.
I smell like flowers and taste like an ash tray. I have a stupid butt. I like cookies and candy.
I'm in the business of losing twist-ties.
I have the same birthday as Steve Irwin and George Harrison. Places like Top Foods and QFC remind me that I have been in love.
I have an uncanny ability for potent love. It could happen to you. I will never be a millionaire. I break too many broke hearts. I cry for people who don't exist.
I don't like it when people watch. I like having sex in public.
My vagina is too little for your penis. Yes, even yours.
I prefer the company of women when I'm feeling cuddly.
Want to see your dick shorten? Think of me with your mom's hair. If you don't have a dick, imagine me with your dad's hair and you'll grow one.
I WANT TO GIVE YOU A HOT-TUB HAND-JOB.
I'M GOING TO MAKE YOU A HOLLA BACK GIRL.
"You gotta take life cereal, baby."
Okcupid should change the word "inbox" to "hitlist." I'm sick of people messaging me. You don't need me to validate you just like I don't need you to validate me.
If it was the 80's when you get mad you could just drive off to some abandoned area and do a dance.
I can throw as many rocks as I want. I'm a brick house.