Like the old adage, work fills all available time and I spent my Fall teaching and directing a play while choreographing fights for two others. My lead actor had to drop out so I took on the role and got to go on the emotional roller coaster that is Jacob Marley. . .
So now the semester is done and I am catching my breath. My apartment needs a good cleaning and my cats miss me, and my scripts are a bit more than resentful that I have neglected writing them, but it means I have been "sucking the marrow," so I am satisfied.
I started out dragging my feet on this self-summary and all the other info boxes and began with those questions... I thought those would be quick... and they just kept coming. And when I finally looked at the results it says that I am basically a rude person. Really?! Most people say I am one of the nicer guys (yes THAT curse which usually kills all dating potential, right?!)
So now I have to revisit some of these questions and see just what the heck I answered poorly. ("He chose... poorly.")
Self-summary... I am a storyteller at heart. I have been a professional theatre person since the tender age of thirteen. I act, direct, produce, and most recently write. My third full length play is being birthed on paper as I write this. I traveled to London to do some research recently which was an incredible help.
Another OkCupid user asked me "What are you looking for?" and this is how I replied (slightly edited), and I think its pretty accurate... at least for today:
"the honest answer is, "i am not sure." The easy answer is "the love of my life" but that is more complicated than a web-introduction could provide (i think). although my brother met his wife on eHarmony and they are an amazing couple.
Right now I am looking to find myself. I was in a 4 year relationship that I thought would be forever and it gradually became clear that we are best friends and each others' biggest supporters... but not eternal lovers. We didn't blend as well as we wished. I have felt really down about the romantic side of my life. like i might never be wanted, if that makes sense. I teach undergrads and they are all young and vibrant and see me as "getting older". But I still feel i am young and vibrant. I might not throw myself around quite as violently as i did in college, but i got those bruises and scars already. ironically i spent my 20s in the theatre and not doing the hard partying that my engineer and lawyer friends did as they started new careers. i didnt start a "casual dating slash hooking up slash booty call" phase until my 30s and i think i appreciated it a bit more than i would have the decade before. I know now what I like and what i would like more of... I don'y need to try everything once because i have a good idea what i'm not interested in. and I am not interested in anyone who can't understand my references (the pre-internet world...) but I'm also not the typical 40something man. I freelance in the arts, so I don't have a 401K, I have taught a whole generation of young actors out of cleveland who are now hitting the professional world and making waves. I feel like that is my legacy. I plan to keep working and die on the stage (or while directing from the table at the back of the audience, or over my laptop as I write another groundbreaking script.)--
These are hard for most people to appreciate. I find that most women my age think I have been aimless and don't trust that I have any substance. Perhaps I just don't have the substance they are looking for....
In any case, right now I am looking for myself and people to connect with. I am going to try to date casually until I find my sea legs. I hope to find the boundaries of my comfort zone and give them a push to expand them. Maybe be someone else's experiment in boundary-expansion, too. And then I hope to find a life partner, start a family, be the father that I have always wanted to become, and start a new phase of living.
Thanks for asking. I needed to tell myself that."