She walked up to the bar and took a seat. “What can I get you?” asked the bartender. The question puzzled her. “What can I get you?” She had been asked that question on more than one occasion and of course she knew he was referring to a drink. But she was here for more than just a drink. She was looking for someone real. A man who could appreciate what she had to offer. She was so much more than just a pretty face or a nice set of cans. Looking up at the bartender she ordered a bourbon neat.
As she gazed into the drink in front of her she heard a man’s voice from the right. “May I have this seat?” She turned to see who was speaking to her and gestured for him to take a seat. He placed his order and introduced himself.
“So, what brings you to this part of town?” he asked.
“Oh, I don’t know. I guess I was lonely and looking for some human interaction.” She replied.
“A beautiful woman like you and you’re lonely? That’s not possible. I’m sure you have men lining up just to talk to you. I mean look at you! You’re classy, you smell fantastic, you have a killer body, and my God, just look at those eyes. Why, I bet the kings of past would relinquish the keys to their kingdom to capture you.”
“Thank you. I don’t know what to say to that. Those are all nice things to say, but, that’s not what I want men to notice. Just once, I would love it if a man were to get to know me. The real me.”
“I’m sure there are plenty of men who ‘want to get to know you’”
“Yeah, most men see me and the first thing out of their mouth is that they just want to fuck me. I don’t know if they realize just how much of a turn-off it is to be so blatantly obvious of their intention. Do they honestly think that it will get a positive reaction from me? They know nothing about me and just view me as an object of desire.”
“Oh, such a horrible predicament you seem to be in.” he replied with a sarcastic tone.
“I’ll have you know, that I’m also an educated woman with a wicked sense of humor. I’m multi-faceted and love to laugh as well as make people laugh. I’m a take charge kind of person; that tends to be too much for most men. They seem to want some woman who will be submissive and docile; giving in to everything without expressing their opinion. Creampuffs, that’s how I define those types of women. Now, don’t get me wrong. Although I can be a bit spirited, I also love to just take the passenger seat and let the man drive. In fact, I would love that. So often I find that men are afraid to take the reins. So what ends up happening is that I have to make the decision, and quite honestly, I’m tired of that. Just once I would love to find someone who knows how to take the lead. You know, it’s like ballroom dancing. The man leads the woman, but, it’s the woman’s movements that make the man look good.”
“Ahhhh, a dancer I see” he interjected.
“Yes, a dancer. I love to dance. During my undergraduate days in Oregon, I danced and I loved it. That’s the one thing I miss the most. Having someone to dance with.”
“Well, I would imagine that might be hard to come by with that stone sitting on your ring finger. Does that mean you’re married? What about your husband?”
“Oh, yeah, that. He doesn’t dance. Not on the dance floor and definitely not in between the sheets. Thus, my loneliness.”
“I don’t get it. A fine thoroughbred like you and he’s not grabbing you each night to take you for a ride. I’m sorry if that seems a bit vulgar, but…”
She chuckled at his comment. “No, he doesn’t. I’ve tried talking to him about it and he knows how much of a strain it is, but for some reason he just doesn’t have a sex drive. Perhaps it’s his antidepressants. I hear they kill the libido. Maybe it’s something else. I don’t know. I’m hoping that counseling will bring it out.” She sighed. “But, even if he did try, I’m not sure I want to stay since we seem to be so different and he definitely isn’t the kind of man I described earlier. Yeah, our ‘relationship’ is more like a roommate situation.”
“So, here’s this guy night after night, with you lying in bed beside him, and he just rolls over and goes to sleep. Wow. Unbelievable.” He pauses slightly. “So, then what do you do?”
“Well, lately I’ve been expressing myself through photography.” She pulls out her phone and shows him her flickr feed.
“Those are incredible. You really do know how to capture the scene, the emotion. It comes through on your pictures.”
“It’s my creative outlet. Practicing law has really interfered with what I used to like.” She responds.
“Writing. I used to love to write poetry. Although, I think I stopped because I haven’t had a muse in a long time. Most of my writing was about a love in my life and the feelings attached to that individual. However, for the last nearly 15 years I haven’t had one creative thought or desire to pick up the pen again." She looks off into the distance. "I so wish I could find a muse to bring that out of me again.”
“So, let me get this straight. You’re a beautiful lawyer who has this creative softer side. Aren’t lawyers supposed to be cold and callous?”
“HA! Far from it. Most people hate lawyers until they need one. Besides, I do good things for the American warrior and I love it. But yes, I do have this softer, creative side to me. And that’s what men tend to not discover. They haven’t taken the time to know that I am so much more than just a pretty face.”
“Well, maybe all ‘this’ intimidates men. I mean, that is a lot to take in.”
“Perhaps, but to quote the great Shakespeare, if you prick us, do we not bleed? if you tickle us, do we not laugh? if you poison us, do we not die?” She says with a glint in her eye.
“…and if you wrong us, do we not revenge? Hopefully you are not a spiteful woman.”
“No. Far from it. I realize that we are all human. That we react to things differently and that is what makes us unique. I’ve made mistakes. Said or did things I wish I didn’t because at the time I didn’t understand how the other person was going to take it.”
“Come on now,” he interrupts, “you’re an attorney. You’ve been taught how to view things from every angle and contemplate the outcome of everything.”
“True, we are taught that. But, the one thing we cannot learn is why people behave the way they do. That’s the psychologist’s lane. This I know from my love of the field. Hell, it was my minor in college. I love the subject. In fact, I’ve been told on more than one occasion that I should be a therapist.”
“How does that make you feel?” he joked.
“As if I have missed my true calling.”
It's difficult to sum up who I am by words, as to know me is to experience who I am, what I like to do and how well I treat others. People are not just the words you see before you, and oftentimes they can look good "on paper", but to actually see them, feel them and yes, smell them, can give you a sense of who they are, that is entirely different.