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Levisalt

24 M Oakland, CA

My Details

Last Online
Today – 5:54am
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
Height
6′ 1″ (1.85m)
Body Type
Fit
Diet
Smokes
Trying to quit
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Sometimes
Religion
Atheism
Sign
Libra, but it doesn’t matter
Education
Graduated from space camp
Job
Hospitality
Income
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Offspring
Pets
Speaks
English (Fluently), Spanish (Okay), C++ (Fluently)

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My self-summary
Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You're reading my profile. Prepare to reply.

Midwest born, California reared. I lost the accent but I still open doors for people and say "Sir" and "Ma'am".

The service industry: We sleep while you work, we work while you party, and we party while you sleep. People pay me to be funny on stage but they don't pay me enough, so you should tip at least a dollar a drink, m'kay?

I once spent a week on a boat in Vietnam eating cobra and drinking Sangsom. Travel leaves you speechless and turns you into a storyteller all at once.

I slick my hair back and wear a leather jacket, but I pull it off.

I wear batman underwear like, half the time.

I like to sit in blankets and watch a movie some nights, and go out till sunrise other nights.

Making people laugh is my calling in life, and it makes me happy.

I answer questions on OKC when I'm bored, which is why I've answered so fucking many.

I was once described as "A white hipster Bill Cosby."

Also spicy peppers.
What I’m doing with my life
Working, trying not to get hit by trucks, practicing music and doing stand up comedy.

Pretentious Quote Time! Yay!

"As things stand now, I am going to be a writer. I'm not sure that I'm going to be a good one or even a self-supporting one, but until the dark thumb of fate presses me to the dust and says 'you are nothing', I will be a writer" Hunter S. Thompson
I’m really good at
Jokes, cooking, guitar, biking, choosing restaurants, reading wine lists, the internet, making lists, reaching things that shorter people can't, eating a whole thing of mints in one day, catching a grape that someone threw across the room in my mouth, throwing a grape across the room into someone's mouth, talking to strangers...
The first things people usually notice about me
Pretty big butt for a tall white boy.

That and that I'm being really nice to the server/bartender.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Authors: Vonnegut, Klosterman, Palahniuk (sp?), Sedaris, Foster-Wallace, Handler, should I put comedians in here? They're writers too... no I'll give them a category of their own later, Fitzgerald, Hunter Thompson, Adverbs by Daniel Handler, Herman Hesse, Jonathan Safran Foer, I tend to like very odd not linear fiction but lately I've been reading mostly short stories and non-fiction like Malcolm Gladwell and such. Don't read The Psychopath Test unless you want to never trust anyone ever again. Also bathroom graffiti artists, etc.

Movies: The Big Lebowski and all Cohen Brothers, There Will Be Blood, Wes Anderson, aghhh I hate lists. I lied earlier. I'm bad at making lists.

Comedians: Louis CK, Dave Chapelle, Bill Burr, George Carlin, Bill Hicks, Doug Stanhope, Richard Pryor, David Cross, Jim Jefferies, Norm Macdonald, Kyle Kinane, John Mulaney, more...

Music: EVERYTHING. Notorious BIG-Modest Mouse-Skip James-Patsy Cline-Misfits, Dubstep if I'm at burning man. Oh yeah, I like burningman.. I don't suck though I promise. I've been bumpin' a lot of Danny Brown and Against Me lately, to name a couple.

Food: EVERYTHING. Food and drinks are my life. Things I haven't eaten yet... Also Banh Mi. And pork. Joel Salatin is a personal hero. I ate a cobra heart last year.

TV: Anthony Bourdain, Mad Men, Adventure Time, lots of dorky food shows, NBA basketball, Arrested Development, The Simpsons, 30 Rock, Workaholics, It's Always Sunny, Boardwalk Empire, Six Feet Under, I watched LOST for six years and I want to sue JJ Abrahams for wasting my late teens, Planet Earth, etc.
The six things I could never do without
Food/drink, sunglasses, ice cubes in all the drinks, spontaneity, my bike, comedy.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Why people are searching for Waldo.

The coming zombie apocalypse.

What they're going to do to Waldo once they find him.

How one could actually get snakes on a plane.

More tattoos I want.
On a typical Friday night I am
Working or performing. Which I guess is working. Ideally I'm at my favorite dive and I've just eaten a burrito and someone brought either dice or apples to apples.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max’s toupee and I glued it on my face when I was Moses in my Hebrew School play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog…When my mom sent me to the summer camp for fat kids and then they served lunch I went nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out…But the worst thing I ever done — I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaaaa — and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life.

I've watched Jersey Shore on purpose.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 20–35
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex
You should message me if
You would have a hard time deciding between a Judd Apatow movie or a Jim Jarmusch film. You could walk around a lake with no destination, sharing cigarettes and stories. You totally noticed that one was a movie and one was a film. You could touch on the subjects "lucid dreams" and "who was the best Batman?" in the same conversation (it's Michael Keaton). You know the difference between dice, brunoise, and mignonette. You need a protector for the coming zombie apocalypse. You like fun, food, and gin. You appreciate my gaucho stylings.

But more importantly, if you still will after this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=40vDRf4kndA