Your Myers-Briggs results mean nothing. Those are horoscopes for Atheists.
Midwest born, California reared. I lost the accent but I still open doors for people and say "Sir" and "Ma'am".
Strait, but not narrow.
The service industry: We sleep while you work, we work while you party, and we party while you sleep.
People pay me to be funny on stage but they don't pay me enough, so you should tip at least a dollar a drink, m'kay?
I once spent a week on a boat in Vietnam eating cobra and drinking Sangsom. Travel leaves you speechless and turns you into a storyteller all at once.
I slick my hair back and wear a leather jacket, but I pull it off.
I go to Burningman just to make fun of all the other people who go to Burningman.
I wear batman underwear, like, half the time.
Netflix keeps asking me if its me watching, or kids. I don't have kids. If I did I wouldn't be able to afford Netflix. Check to check? Meet my friend whose name is 12 extra dollars.
Making people laugh is my calling in life, and it makes me happy.
I answer questions on OKC when I'm bored, which is why I've answered so fucking many.
As a young boy I dreamed of being a baseball.
I'm not a boy, so I cannot be your boyfriend, but if you want me to I can be your Gucci Mane.
Also spicy peppers.