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32 Los Angeles, CA Man


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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 23-37
  • Near me
  • For new friends, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Online now!
Hispanic / Latin, White
Open relationship
Relationship Type
Mostly non-monogamous
5' 10" (1.78m)
Body Type
Agnosticism but it’s not important
Post grad
Doesn’t have kids but might want them
Has cats
English (Fluently), Italian (Somewhat), Spanish (Somewhat)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Well let's see. In the interest of preserving this record for future generations, I suppose I define myself primarily as an academic and secondarily as a decadent. I'm not a hedonist, but I do love indulging good food, good friends, good fun. I am an INFJ in the Meyers-Brigg sense if that means anything to you (although a lot of people are surprised I consider myself I and not E). I like to think of myself as very kind and other-directed but that's the kind of thing that needs to be proven and not stated. I love literature, good TV, neurotic people and pugs (the most neurotic of all dogs). Incidentally, the adorable Jim Henson Creature Shop monster in my profile picture is named Gargamel and is also (tragically) deceased.

Also, I'm in an open relationship in case the status didn't tip you off. My partner is the thoroughly lovely Summestormrain who I met right here. Just, you know, make sure you're cool with that before you message me/reply to my message.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I just finished up my doctorate in English this last december. I study Victorian Gothic literature and write about the Gothic valence of Victorian childhood and adolescence. This has earned me the dubious appellation "creepy children guy" in some Victorianist circles. To clarify, I am not a creepy guy who thinks about children, I am a guy who thinks about creepy children. Ever seen "The Others" or read "Turn of the Screw?" Those kinds of narratives are my stock in trade. I teach college and hope to get a tenure track job at somepoint (jobs and luck willing) in 19th century literature. Barring that I am going to become a spectacular failure. The kind of failure who people respect for how profoundly they failed.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Analyzing literature, world building (I write trashy fantasy novels in my free time), devoting myself utterly to emotionally distant people and throwing costume parties. I'm also a halfway decent cook (though thoroughly amateur in my training) and especially talented at living in a hipster-y neighborhood, having hipster friends, being into hipster things and somehow still being convinced that I hate hipsters.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Physically? I'm a larger guy. I try to eat healthy and incorporate exercise into my life and I am steadily losing weight but there you have it. I guess secondarily, people notice the rather dashing facial hair. I oscillate between having a neatly trimmed Van Dyke and a slightly more pretentious goatee. I look 15 when I don't have facial hair so it's a little more non-negotiable than it might be with other people.

In terms of my carriage and demeanor? I'm gregarious though perhaps tinged with a patina of the awkward. In situations where I feel comfortable, I am often described as "the life of the party" but, man oh man, if I hate being somewhere I quickly turn into that disgruntled-looking wallflower nursing his non-alcoholic drink.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Books: The greatest novel of the 19th (or really any) century is Bleak House. I also love various other Dickens, the Brontës (not Ann), Walpole, Thackery, Radcliffe, Fitzgerald, Stoker, Stoppard, Barrie, George Eliot, Lovecraft and Hawthorne. In terms of less highfalutin' auteurs, I love George RR Martin, China Mieville, Michael Chabon, Gregory Keyes, Dan Simmons, Neal Stephenson, Patrick Rothfuss, Meredith Ann Pierce, Robin McKinley and a host of other fantasy/speculative fiction authors.

Movies: Among my favorite films are probably Cohen Brothers movies (esp. The Big Lebowski, The Hudsucker Proxy, and the much maligned Ladykillers), After Hours, The Lord of the Rings Trilogy (and, truth be told the the whole Middle Earth sexology), Labyrinth, LA Confidential, Bladerunner, Mullholland Drive, Ian McKellan's Richard III, Chinatown, Moulin Rouge!, Juliet of the Spirits, Tangled (Rococo animation ftw), Nosferatu, Doubt, the Trevor Nunn Twelfth Night, Porco Rosso, Howl's Moving Castle, Spirited Away, Princess Mononoke (fine: all Miyazaki), Wings, Coppola's
Dracula (which I'll defend to the death), the Marvel franchise (though, especially, Iron Man 3, the Winter Soldier, Thor 2 and Guardians of the Galaxy), Cold Comfort Farm, The Act of Killing, Bernie, Ravenous, Julie Taymor's Titus, and many others.

I am additionally sucker for ghost stories, even shitty ones. I loved Woman in Black, Absentia, The Conjuring, The Unborn (give me a pass on this one please, Dybbuks fascinate me), The Awakening, and all manor of Guillermo del Toro directed and produced stuff: the Devil's Backbone, Pan's Labyrinth, El Orfanato, the Innkeepers, and for whatever reason the Amateur Night segment from VHS (though impossible to reccomend, it's just sort of the distillation of what I study)

TV: Game of Thrones (given my love of the books I was doomed from the start on this), Parks and Recreation, any and all David Attenborough nature documentaries, Community, Carnivale, Lost, Rome, American Dad, Bob's Burgers, Gossip Girl, Orange is the New Black, House of Cards, Archer, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, really any Joss Whedon show (and I will contend that my favorite is Dollhouse and totally argue with you in favor of it), Dexter (except for that shitty shitty final season), 30 Rock, Grimm (for some weird reason), American Horror Story (though Ryan Murphy and i have a strained relationship), Hannibal (!!!), Orphan Black, Rock of Love (RIP), mothuhfucking Penny Dreadful (finally--Victorian horror we can be proud of), True Detective, Arrested Development (duh), Reign (I'd say it's a guilty pleasure but I feel no guilt admitting it), Pushing Daisies, The Venture Brothers, Rick and Morty, Adventure Time, The Leftovers. I'm definitely in love with TV. It's my preferred medium hands down.

Music: Leonard Cohen, Florence + The Machine, They Might Be Giants, Lesley Gore, MSMR, Ke$ha (seriously, I'd send that woman all my teeth), older Amanda Palmer, Dramarama, Emilie Simon, Nouvelle Vague, Ellie Goulding, Taylor Swift, Bonnie Tyler, David Bowie, all kinds of Doo Wop and Showtunes and Plinky Harpsichord Shit.

Food: I am a foodie. I am open to really anything and everything but same favorites include Tagliatelle Bolognese, Kitfo, Japchae with Bulgogi, Barbecued Salmon, a good bagel with lox flavored cream cheese (but not lox and cream cheese).
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
In no particular order
1. Good books
2. A worthy woman to fawn over
3. Good food
4. Stories
5. Museums
6. Nights of Reckless Abandon
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Victorian Gothic Literature, ways to fit more things onto my dwindling wallspace, Song of Ice and Fire fan speculation, how much i normally hate fan speculation, how much the tenure track academic job market sucks, why I stay up at night watching horror films when they really deeply affect me, why I can't spell anything with an "scio" compound consonant, why men on this site are the fucking worst, how to talk about my Gothically-motivated love of pale, pre-raphaelite women without sounding like an Aryan nation poster boy, how to argue that Angel Clare is worse than Alec D'Urberville without glossing or minimizing over the issue of rape (update: there is no way to do this--Angel Clare is a weak, selfish, utterly deficient man but he's technically the better option and for me to have suggested otherwise is a sign of my failure to check my privilege), howany photos of my cat is too many photos of my cat (update: there is no such number), why no one comes out and says that "life-hacks" are just another form of white privilege, little pug faces with their little smooshed noses
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
At home, grading papers, usually. Playing Tabletop role playing games. Pretending I love First Fridays at the NHM when I'm kind of lukewarm on it.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I have an unhealthy attachment to pugs. I think it's because they seem so defenseless and ill-made.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
Please do! Whether or not we click, I am always up for new friends and good stories.

I find myself with a list of dealbreakers that is thoroughly odd, super malleable but also telling in terms of the type of people I tend to not get along with. I'm excising the usual discussion of people who are my political opposite, don't believe in equal rights, are not feminists etc etc. Those things will surely show up in our match percentages.

1. You believe that everyone in LA is a transplant and that LA is synonymous with Hollywood is synonymous with the Film Industry. I have nothing against transplants of course, but I'm a native Angeleno and this is one of the most populous and geographically large metropolises in the world. Saying that the whole city is the film industry is like saying all of the Bay Area is the Tech Industry or all of New York is Wall Street. It may be the loudest and most externally visible part of the city but it's a tiny minority of the actual people living here. By a similar token, you believe that LA is a terrible place. You'll find no sympathy from me. I insta-block anyone that mentioned living in "Hell-A." You live here. Appreciate it, damnit.

2. Your favorite musical is, unironically, "Love Never Dies." I sort of don't care what your favorite musical actually is, but LND is trash made by a trashman and if you love it without distance and camp then I kind of think we were not aesthetically made for one another.

3. You think the Westside is the quintessence of Los Angeles and you don't want to leave it. The Westside has merits and I enjoy going there. But it's the most one percent-y, entitled and classist parts of the metroplex. If you feel like this is where you belong and wouldn't consider anywhere else in LA worthwhile then are aren't compatible. This goes double for people who think the Westside is everything west of the 405. It's not only a ridiculous statement, it really fails to understand that what is called the Eastside is west of the river and that there is a whole half of the city--largely African American/Latino and largely lower class--that exists and matters.
(that sounded super ranty and I guess it is, but man does this point of view anger me)

4. You fettishize Bret Easton Ellis or Bukowski. These writers aren't like awful or anything. But I think that listing them as your favorites belies a desire to be counter-culture,while ultimately being kind of juvenile and narrow-minded.

5. You think that movie/TV adaptations are bad in inverse proportion to their faithfulness to the source material. There are plenty of stupid, cynical changes out there that undermine what made a book/graphic novel/play great (I'm looking at you, League of Extraordinary Gentlemen) and that's a problem, but my biggest issue in nerd culture is the idea that fidelity should be the main goal of an adaptation. I went on a date recently where the woman said that she was proud to have been kicked out of LotR screenings for shouting out "that's not how it happened" every time the film deviated. That's just awful. Like the most awful. Look, I'm a literature professor, I have a great respect for the written word and I hate a bad adaptation just as much as the next person, but a text isn't sacrosanct. Rowling, Tolkein, Martin, whomever else you want to point to: they're human beings and their writing has merits and flaws. Furthermore, a film/series can't ever be a direct translation. Some things don't translate. Stop feeling like you own the books you love and especially stop being mad when they alter it, because it somehow is a violation of your enjoyment.

6. You believe that your exercise/dietary regimen is somehow an expression of your moral superiority. Look, it's great that you like to work out and it's great that you have a way of eating that fits you, I'd never wanna get in the way of that. But there are a couple of gyms out there and a couple of dietary guidelines that just seem to inspire judgyness (you know who you are) in their adherents. I think knowing what works for you is and should be enough for people. I'm not against a friendly suggestion now and then, but only from a friend, and only in the context of a genuine interest in my well-being.

7. You think the Bay Area is an infallible paradise. I love the climate around San Francisco Bay. And back in the 60's it was a liberal paradise where a giant amount of progressive culture and good vibes came from. San Francisco now has the greatest wealth disparity of any city in America. It's venerated neighborhoods like the Mission and Haight-Ashbury are utterly unaffordable to the people that made it venerable. And it's white, so fucking white. I love what the city stood for. And I want it to be like that again. I just think it's a pretty faded memory at this point. And it's one of the worst places for a millenial to be able to set down roots. (Oakland exempted-ish)

8. You think that psychoanalysis and psychiatry are scams. Not only does this put you in the storied company of scientologists, but as someone who has a healthy relationship with therapy and thinks that properly prescribed SSRIs/MOAIs have really benefited me, you're definitely alienating me and implying that I'm under some sort of decades long placebo effect.

9. You pride yourself on not watching TV. Look it's perfectly acceptable to not enjoy TV and to not connect with it. But to believe that it's brain-rotting mindlessness is to not acknowledge the last thirty years of human history. Stop living in the 80s!

10. You describe yourself as anti-feminist in any way. I recently read a profile where the phrase "I'm independent but far from feminist" was used. It's a testament to the power of our rape culture that desiring equal protection under the law and equal treatment in everyday interactions has been demonized, even among the people it directly benefits. I am absolutely a feminist, to be otherwise is to be either blind to injustice or some kind of monster.

I'll think of others I'm sure. I know that these dealbreakers are sort of harsh and complain-y and maybe I got a little too much joy out of writing them. But they are huge pet peeves of mine, and let's be honest, if you got super offended reading this, I'm probably not for you either. Let's both date people we get along with!