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27 Portland, OR Man


I’m looking for

  • Everyone
  • Ages 18–99
  • Located anywhere
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My Details

Last Online
Online now!
6′ 2″ (1.88m)
Body Type
Strictly anything
Aries, and it’s fun to think about
Dropped out of university
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Doesn’t have kids
Likes dogs and likes cats
English (Fluently), Spanish (Poorly), Ancient Greek (Poorly)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Rest in peace MCA

Sort of disclaimer:
Are you passionate about something? I love the things that I love, and I really really hope that you do too. Everyone should have a mission. Show me something.

I am Thomas Charles Roeser.
I like all three of those names, just not in that order.

I used to weigh 400 pounds. I now weigh 220 pounds. I'm pretty proud of it.

I try to put all of myself into everything that I do. It's exhausting at times, but I can't feel good about myself if I don't.

There's like, a million billion different sexual orientations these days, to the point where I feel like an old man who gets made fun of for not knowing a music genre. It's hard to keep track of and I wish we could just all be doin' what we're doin', and everyone's like 'aight'. Not that I'm in any way diminishing a person's need to identify, that takes precedence over anything I just said.

I'm a classic(see also:hopeless) romantic. Call me Broom, ladies, because I'll sweep you off your feet.

Women of OKC, I feel compelled to tell you this:
If you, in any way, describe yourself as a nerd or a geek or whatever on this website (any website, really), especially if it's in your username or in the first few lines of your profile, my heart goes out to you.
It's fine that you're a nerd, nothing wrong with that at all, but you've just made yourself every single goddamn neckbeard mother's basement dwelling cheetoh barge's one true love, and they can't wait to show you the Boba Fett suit they traded all their magic the gathering cards and painted miniatures for.

Oh internet, you'll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. Also, yes I followed an internet nerd bashing with a good ol Star Wars reference, word?

I deal poorly with absolutes. Shades of grey y'all, though not 50 of them, ever.

I am extremely competitive, I love winning.
I am also an extremely good sport. I am as polite in victory as I am gracious in defeat. (unless this is online gaming, in which case I consider shit talking a legitimate game mechanic)

1. I grew up in small redneck town
3. I play a lot of ping pong now.

Brevity is a concept I sometimes fail to grasp when it comes to writing. It's not my fault words make such a fun playground.

Facial hair has never been my strong suit.

I read books like the bboys drop rhymes.

If you are my friend, that basically means you can show up at my house at 3am with a dead body and the only thing I'll ask is for a few seconds to warm up the car.
If I don't like you, I'll still be polite to you (most of the time) because I prefer not to waste precious time and energy actively hating anyone.
Except Steve.

I'd rather not be defined by what I do, but just by the fact that I love doing the things I do.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I pretty much have my dream job, working at the largest distributor of table tennis products in North America. Ping pong all day. I really love my job.

Trying to not be a hipster twat while at the same time wishing my life was more like On The Road.

Talking shit to you then going behind your back and being all nice. You know, like an asshole.

I message people fairly often just because I thought of a joke and couldn't resist, or just a compliment. The kinda waiting in line at the checkstand stuff. One time I yelled "I really like your dress!" to a woman I was driving past, then I felt bad cas I wasn't sure if that counts as a catcall. It was a nice dress though :(
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Hiding my nerdiness. I doubt you'll ever see how far it really goes.

Putting shame in your game, and occasionally my own, unfortunately.

Being a friend! I love my friends!

I can skip rocks like a beast. Redneck roots.

Table Tennis is my driving (or looping, haha ping pong joke(sigh)) passion, and has been for a couple years now.
At the competitive level, I'm pretty decent, in or around Oregon Top 50, but that just means there's at leeeeeast 49 people here that can wreck my shit.

I played poker for a living for about a year and a half. I got of out it because it gets pretty fucking depressing taking money from degenerates in a casino 40 hours a week. I still play for fun once in a while and I retain most of my skillz.


Searching for people with the highest enemy rating on this site and talking shit to them, because that's what a good enemy does.


I read super super fast.

I can and will make you laugh.

Rereading all of this, apparently I'm pretty good at bragging.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My curly curly curls.

My neutral expression can be somewhat grim, according to friends, but I'm a happy and enthusiastic person. Apparently I have a good smile? Who knew!

I'm tall. But like, normal tall.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
On the Road
The Road (I really like roads)
The Malazan Book of the Fallen
Sherlock Holmes

My sister, being the more sophisticated of the two of us, has been making (mostly futile) attempts to get me into poetry for like 10 years. I've finally caved and started reading whatever she sends me. Ferlinghetti and Shelley are my homeboys. Poetry is pretty rad. "One Art" by Elizabeth Bishop rocked my world just recently. You know, loss and stuff.

A rogue's gallery of assorted comic books and graphic novels, including Lucifer, Transmetropolitan, Captain America, The Flash, and, of course, The Batman.

Once Upon a Time in the West
North By Northwest
Doctor Who
Game of Thrones

The Beastie (beastie beastie) Boys (gettin live on the spot)
The Strokes
Anything Stephen Fry says is music to my ears.
Daft Punk
Elton John
Simon and Garfunkel
Bill Withers
Michael Jackson
Rolling Stones
Animal Collective

Pizza, but no anchovies.

And I mean no anchovies.

You put anchovies on this thing,
and you're in big trouble.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Gravel Roads
Ping Pong. It really does make me smile when I think about it.

Also 6 things I could allllways do without

Student loans
Workplace politics
Popped collars
Vacant smiles
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Christina Hendricks

Developing a better third ball attack.

How any guy on OKC could possibly think he's getting anywhere with 'sup' or 'hey, i'm steve, sup' (fucking Steves, it's always a Steve) A friend of mine showed me her inbox, and it was a shitstorm of stevesups. I both felt sympathy for her and irritation that I'm competing with this many headed Steve.
Seriously, Steve, if you can't find a relevant question to ask or observation to make, is she really that much of a match?

I got kinda fired up over that.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Well I'd like to think I am, at least.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I've seen all of Sex and the City.

Like, all of it.

I'm finally starting to differentiate wants from needs in my life, and the changes that come about from that are somewhat uncomfortable.

I'm getting kinda sick of dating.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
A good heart goes a long way, above anything. I like kind people, who'd guess?

This is a dating website, and that's primarily what I'm here for, but I've made quite a few friends while I've been here, so I don't write anything off. If I ask you on a date, I'll be pretty clear about it.

If you realize that a 99 percent match isn't always the best thing. Diversity>conflict>progress.

You can't, you won't, and you don't stop.

I didn't come across as an arrogant twat in my profile. I'm not, really.

If you've actually made it this far reading my profile. Sometimes I feel like I need an editor more than George RR Martin. Then again, I feel this profile is a fairly accurate summary of my character.

Don't be boring, let's hang out!