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34 Springfield, MA Man


I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 18–35
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, short-term dating, casual sex

My Details

Last Online
Oct 31
5′ 11″ (1.80m)
Body Type
Strictly anything
Not at all
Atheism, and very serious about it
Graduated from masters program
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Likes dogs and likes cats
English (Fluently), Spanish (Poorly)

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My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I've decided to redo my profile, as an experiment. Instead of filling it out like a normal person might I'm going to forgo modesty and write exactly what I think about myself. I live my life via the cinematic credo of "show don't tell", but unless OkCupid is compiling a clip show of my life, that's not an option. I'm treating it as an experiment for now, and if I get a bunch of negative feedback from the people who read it... well, then they're bothering to talk to me, which is means they'll get to know me more directly, which is what I want. So if you really think this profile makes me look like an asshole, and want to punish me for it, don't message me or you'll be giving me what I want and you'll risk having your opinion changed.

So, if the above paragraph doesn't make it obvious, one major quality I possess is thorough honesty. I'm not incapable of deception. I'm not bad at deception. I just prefer to be honest. I trust people to make their decisions on the basis of having all the information they need. I acknowledge that my capacity for honesty is actually a luxury of my circumstance, since I rarely have anything to lose by being honest. Like when I turned a hundred dollar bill in to customer service that I found on the floor of a grocery store (I got it back a week later). I have the luxury of that moral because I don't need an extra $100. Likewise I don't need things from people I'd have to lie to to get things from. I also really like speaking, communicating, and expressing ideas as accurately as I can manage, thus the "thorough" part.

I am confident in my tested abilities. I would and have said I am arrogant, but a cursory check of a dictionary has shown that the definition is actually "having an EXAGGERATED self-opinion", and while this is occasionally true, I'm probably doing the exaggeration for humor. I try not to be condescending. One of the biggest sources of self-reflection is forcing myself to remember that someone I'm talking with is younger than me, have thus had less time to learn as much, and in all likelihood knows more than me about other things. On the other hand, I am vastly irritated by people who pretend to insights, knowledge, or education that they just don't have. Leading into:

I'm very rational. I don't take new information at face value, unless it's an obvious extension of previous knowledge, part of an established trusted source, or trivial. Even then, I tend to check things later. I'm the guy who comments with the link to Snopes on your viral Facebook posts. I'm a strong science advocate and trust in the scientific method. "The biggest flaw in the belief that evidence matters is that we only have evidence to back it up." - me. I've learned not to get into fights about this, but will slowly tune someone out and politely make my excuses when cornered by nonsensical beliefs. My exception to this is when I perceive nonsense being relayed to someone on the fence. Then I will vocally provide that person with the alternative (and hopefully accurate. I am only human.) information, along with the rationale as to why the nonsense is actually nonsense. I won't fight or argue directly with believers, and I don't try to win converts, but I feel strongly against people ONLY getting bad information. Also, I try to be open-minded. There's the misconception that science is close-minded, and that's as far from the truth as possible. Scientists are incredibly creative. You have to be when most of what you think up gets disproved and needs to be replaced by a better theory. Only pseudoscience, religion, and fiction can pretend they got everything correct from the beginning.

I'm very perceptive, empathic, and considerate. To be perfectly clear what I mean by empathic and considerate: I'm using the limited definition of empathy as the ability to notice and understand other people's emotions. I don't necessarily get bleed-over and feel it myself. That's sympathy, which I have, but it's reserved for friends. When I say I'm considerate, I mean that I consider the needs and feelings of others around me, not that I act on it positively. I usually do, but if I'm not, it's more often a deliberate choice than a consequence of ignorance. I often perform minor tasks that "aren't my job" but are easiest for me because I'm either in the right frame of mind or I'm right there. Like picking up trash someone missed when tossing it a distance, or doing someone's dishes because I feel productive. I've noticed it's easier for me to do the chores of others as a favor than it is to do my own chores. I've swept up a broken glass at a dance floor because there was a broom right there and people with bare feet nearby. Better small effort for me now than risk a sliced foot. I don't see a lot of this voluntary taking on of small, immediate tasks in others, but I'm not sure how much is because they go unnoticed, and how much is apathy. We should do a study.

I'm not actively political, but I do have strong political opinions. However, I've had it hammered into me that they're opinions. Still, people get emotional about it, and it's really important to people, so I'll briefly put down my perspective. I'm socially liberal and fiscally conservative. Let people do basically whatever they want, and only restrict them when they need to be restricted for the safety of others. I'd be a libertarian if the libertarian party was more rational. One of the biggest reasons I avoid getting too into politics is that regardless of the side of an issue take, I get disgusted by my own "sides" propaganda and misinformation. It's as though no one in the U.S. thinks anyone can be convinced of anything unless they're being lied to. I'd spend more time breaking apart the idiocy on my own side than I would helping, and in the end they're probably right and without the bullshit nothing would get done.

I'm pretty sane. Never been to or needed a psychiatrist. Never been depressed without cause, weird urges, self-esteem issues, or mood-swingy. I (mostly) don't let negative emotions make my decisions. My natural tendency when driven to anger is to become very quiet and still until I've made a decision. I will, however, use my negative emotions for emphasis when I've decided the person I'm communicating with isn't amicable to calm rationality or when they need a demonstration that what they're doing is causing me emotional distress. For some reason people sometimes won't take "you're hurting my feelings" at face value unless you yell it at them. Sometimes you need to get mad at a telemarketer to get them to believe you will sue their company if you're not off that list. Etc.

I'm almost a little loathe to include this, but I will. I'm a feminist. The reason I don't like putting it is because I was raised one. Immersed in it really. I was mostly raised by a single mother (divorce, and my dad was a fine fellow too) who also had her own business (actually 2.2 businesses at one point) and is very tall (6 ft). My grandmotherly likewise independently runs a successful business. Thus, through no intentional action, my childhood was filled with strong female role models, who had the same physical gravitas as the men around me. The reason I don't like to describe myself as a feminist is because I feel like that's something you do, or a decision you make, whereas it's just my default position from how I was raised. It's obvious and trivial to me and doesn't require thinking about, and as unfortunate consequence I sometimes make feminism faux pas due to not being concerned with acting correctly feminist. I don't treat men with special gender consideration, and it doesn't often occur to me to treat women that way either. I'm fairly sure there are inherent psychological differences between the genders, and moreover you could make assumptions based on culture, but the standard deviation displayed by individuals too big for it to make sense to use gender as a heuristic for how you act towards someone. Attraction aside.

I'm atheist. Religion doesn't come up in my life enough that I feel I need to go on about it.

I'm fairly generous. I didn't used to be, but now I make more money than I need to spend to be content, so I'm not averse to paying for the dinner of people I'm with who don't make as much, or buying nice things for people that I think they'd like. I was a lot stingier when I was poor. I think that's wise though. I like my job, I like my work, and I like my coworkers.

This is the one that's going to take the largest suppression of my instinct that no one believes a braggart. So much suppression, in fact, that I've had to put in TWO lead-in sentences to make myself feel comfortable. (Also an ellipses and parenthetical addendum) ... I'm good in bed. I'm also really good at dancing. The way I see it both require the same five qualities: 1. Endurance 2. Coordination 3. Shamelessness 4. Awareness 5. Having a big penis.

... I also think I'm funny.

Finally, the people who get to know me trust me and value my opinion. I'm the "what do you think of this problem/idea/art" guy for a lot of my friends.

Holy shit that turned out long.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I have a good job, good friends, and a house. Mostly, I'm working, and paying off student loans and a mortgage. On the side I engage in personal projects related to fun creative stuff. I have some projects. Too many actually. I'm bad at finishing things. I'm also constantly learning and might go back to school for my doctorate.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Mathematics, programming, dancing, data analysis, learning, writing, sex, being a decent person publicly and privately, befriending people's recalcitrant pets.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
The long hair mostly. If I'm dancing it might be that I'm somehow not falling down.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
As an 80s kid, I find the world has managed to massively appeal to my maturing tastes. All the stuff that was fun and cartoony that I loved as a kid is getting gritty or more realistic reboots right around when I'd want to revisit them. I also have consumed enough media that I love things that play with meta-narrative. Shows like Community and books like Discworld really do that well. If you want most specifics, drop me a line.

As far as music is concerned: I have a good head for remembering music, and I'm not tone deaf or anything, and music does effect me emotionally. However, I never seek it out. I don't listen to the radio, or own albums, or any of that. I don't listen to music so much as I USE music. It's the rhythm when I dance, or it provides an emotional boost to improve my performance at something. A weird side effect of this is that I've conditioned myself to dance when I hear dance music and sometimes that just happens in a supermarket... so yeah, I'm THAT guy now I guess.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
I'm not going to have a satisfactory answer to this. I've got an incredibly self-sufficient attitude and couldn't come up with anything that isn't actually a pedantic answer like "food" or "air". Sorry. I don't live a life such that losing any particular thing would devastate me.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Things that are hard to understand. What does a lack of sight looks like? (What color do you see beyond the edge of your vision) Do people become less sentient as they get older and develop habitual routines? Alternate mind sets. The fundamental structure of the universe (A pattern written in nothing.) I'd like a optometrist to explain to me why things don't seem half as bright when I close one eye. Does the substrate upon which an intelligence functions determine the quality of it's emergent experience? How much of a faux pas it is going to be after I upload my intelligence into a robot to refer to myself as "The robot that remembers being John".

Also, how awesome Batman is and other ridiculous pop culture nerdy bullshit.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Out dancing. Or playing video games. Or hanging out with my friends.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm actually very lazy. This has improved substantially through stimulants and practice.

I'm an introvert. I get out and do things actively and can engage strangers and all those extrovert things, but they took practice and take effort. I need time by myself to feel ready to do more extroverted things.

I don't really care if I'm cheated on, as long as the person's upfront about it. That said, I've never cheated on anyone myself. I did have an open relationship though, which is how I learned this about myself.

I'm a motherfucking Dungeon Master, and a damn fine one at that. (D&D! Not weird sex dungeons!)

I have trouble approaching people I don't know. If I see someone I'm interested in, I wait too long for the right moment, or wait until I get some sort of "go ahead" signal. I'm not really afraid of rejection. I'm worried I might annoy someone. Or maybe I've sublimated fear of rejection under a flimsy justification. Either way, I should work on it.

I'm "bicomfortable". I don't tend to be attracted to men, but I've no revulsion towards their bodies or engaging with them sexually. I'm generally just not interested in doing so.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You're the sort of girl who will make the approach herself, if you see someone you want to meet. I have an enormous preference for upfront, independent women. I'm never looking for someone who wants to be "John's Girlfriend". I want someone who is their own person first and foremost, has her own life, who finds me worthy to share that life with, and wants to share mine as well. Someone who is a partner and makes me work to keep up my end. Someone for whom, if the book of our relationship were written, there would be two distinct protagonists.

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