I have been so frustrated lately!

I haven't been able to get anybody to go out and do random crap with me, everybody either doesn't want to go out (lame!), bails (double lame!), or is busy (which I understand).

I either need more friends, or new friends. I'm tired of sitting around my house and resorting to playing video games for entertainment.

Argh!

A lone silhouette stands before tall gates,
beckoning entry with unspoken promises.

Rusted locks surrounding fragility are unbound,
daring to let in forgotten light.
Only to be assaulted by a hidden tempest,
disguised as one's heart's desire.

A blind Queen now sits, upon a usurped throne,
commands flying this way and that.
Her insatiable gaze ever searching,
for desires of her own.

Gone now are the golden dawns,
filled with such promise and hope.
Instead they have slowly been replaced,
by whispers of the bleak sunset yet to come.

Scales begin to tip, balance all but forgotten,
and respect turns to disregard.

As the blind Queen is left to her own devices,
attended only by her yea-sayer courtiers,
and abandoned by those who once swore fealty...

In the empty castle that will become her tomb.

As told to Mary

Once upon a time there was a village.

It was a small village, and the villagers survived only by the sweat of their brow.

It was a hard life, but most were happy.

But over time the villagers noticed that there were less children born every year.

Afraid, the villagers consulted with a local soothsayer and were told that the gods were displeased with their placidity.

"You toil day and night never to get ahead, only to remain where you are" the soothsayer told them.

Confused, the villagers respond "It is as it always has been".

The soothsayer looks at them pointedly and says "Exactly".

"The cycle of life requires change, because you have no change, you shall have no life"

Most of the villagers are confused by this and do not understand, but a young boy pushes his way through the crowd and stands before the soothsayer.

"I will bring change" he says, "I will go up unto the mountain of the gods and bring back enlightenment".

The villagers scoff at him, "The gods give enlightenment to no man" they say.

The soothsayer smiles a small smile and says "He who never seeks enlightenment is not likely to find it".

She gives the boy a small peice of flint, a bit of steel, three days rations, and sets him on the trail of the mountain of the gods.

He walks upon the path until it becomes too dark to continue and then travels a ways off to build a small fire.

As he is sitting on a rock enjoying the warmth a small mouse crawls out of the shadows across from him and also sits next to the fire.

The boy welcomes the mouse and hands it a piece of bread from his small meal.

The mouse thanks him and asks him why he is traveling the mountain of the gods.

"To bring enlightenment to my village" the boy replies.

The mouse eyes him strangely and asks "If your village seeks enlightenment, why then are they not here to receive it?".

"They do not believe the gods will grant it to them" he replies.

The mouse is silent for a moment, apparently in contemplation of this fact.

"I have something for you" the mouse says, and hands him a small bone.

"What is this?" the boy asks.

"That is knowledge of what once was" the mouse says.

The boy takes the bone gratefully and the mouse leaves.

In the morning the boy travels back down the mountain to his village and shows the village elders the bone that the mouse gave to him.

"What good is this to us?" they ask.

"The past is is no longer, bring us knowledge of the future and we may be impressed".

Disheartened, the boy returns to the mountain.

He travels further this time, walking through the night, determined to bring enlightenment back to his village.

When the sun begins to come up over the hills a small sparrow awakens in a tree above where the boy is resting momentarily and begins to sing.

Enraptured, the boy listens to the sparrow's song.

After it has finished, the boy calls up to the bird, thanking it for lifting his spirits.

The bird flys down and sits upon the boys shoulder.

"You are welcome, but why are you here?" the bird asks.

"I seek to bring enlightenment to my village below" the boy replies.

The sparrow thinks on this for a moment and asks "Tell me, why do they seek enlightenment?".

"They were told to" replies the boy.

The bird is silent for a moment, apparently in contemplation of this fact.

"I have something for you" the sparrow says, and hands him a small blue egg.

"What is this?" the boy asks.

"That is knowledge of what may yet be" the sparrow says.

The boy takes the egg gratefully and the sparrow flies away.

The boy runs back down the mountain to his village, excited because he believes he has brought the elders what they requested.

The elders gather around the small blue egg and then look to the boy.

"What good is this to us?" they ask, "Possibility is not foresight" they say.

"Bring us knowledge of the mysteries of the earth and we may be impressed".

Disheartened, the boy returns to the mountain.

He travels for two days without rest, determined to reach the summit.

Finally reaching the top, he is greeted by both the mouse and the bird that he met earlier.

They ask him why he has returned and the boy replies "I seek to bring enlightenment to my village below".

The mouse and the sparrow think on this for a moment and then ask "Do you still have the gifts that were given you?".

"Yes" the boy replies "But the elders did not deem them worthy of the title of 'enlightenment'".

The mouse and the bird are silent for a moment, apparently in contemplation of this fact.

They ask him to place both the bone of the past and the egg of the future upon a small alter at the top of the mountain and he will receive what the elders have asked for.

"You will give unto us enlightenment?!" the boy cries excitedly.

The mouse and the bird do not reply, they look at each other and then turn back to the boy again telling him that if he does as instructed he will receive what it is the elders have asked for.

The boy places the small bone and the blue egg on the alter and turns to ask what to do next but both the mouse and the sparrow have gone.

Turning back to the alter he is surprised to see that the egg is hatching.

Out climbs a baby sparrow.

It pauses momentarily and then waddles over to the bone, picking the bone up in it's beak it turns to look at the boy and then swallows it whole.

The bird begins to choke and cough, flapping it's wings wildly.

Frightened, the boy backs away from the alter in horror.

The bird's intelligent black eyes cloud over as it coughs and flaps and moments after loosing it's sight, the bird makes a final screech and falls to the ground dead.

The boy sadly picks up the dead bird and carries it down to his village.

The elders gather around and then turn to the boy.

"What good is this to us?" they ask.

"A blind, dead bird is not knowledge of the mysteries of the earth" they say.

As the boy is trying to think of something to say in response the soothsayer steps forward and says:

"When one disregards the future and is blinded by the past he chokes on the present"

And with that she takes the boy and leaves the village, never to be seen again.

What once was is no longer,
And that which will be is dark.

What is this truth that I keep from myself?
The glimpse received that I refuse to acknowledge...

Why is it my greatest friend is the twilight,
The one place I feel at home.

The barrier between light,
And dark.

I feel this rush though me,
Some alien energy.

What is it I am reaching for?
This power just beyond my sight?

The Gray...
The Gray is the answer.

But what is the question?
And how do I ask it?

Soft music pulls me back,
to storm clouds over a vast ocean,
glass speckled with the falling sky

The cool chill embraces me,
as the horizon is set ablaze

Throwing my hands towards the heavens,
I spin as the world turns

Seeing only her face,
the smile etched upon my vision,
to replace my stolen memories

Your black hair, Your hidden eyes,
Captivating my every thought....

Trying not to force my hand, knowing you're not ready.
If you ever will be...

Visualize my hands running through silk,
Let my memory slip, image becoming something else...

Is this obsession? Have I crossed that line?
Moved into the realm beyond 'normal'?
Where madness stirs?

Your beauty encompasses all that I know,
I want to rescue you from yourself...
That dangerous chasm where many a man has been lost.

Solitary you stand, apparently a pillar of strength.

Do I see more?
Or do I delude myself?

Your hidden fragility entrances me.
If I could capture it,
Bottle it, Distil it...

What exactly would I find?

Sadly... most certainly not your love...

Our past,
a collection of lies.

A dim reflection,
of the reality...
that existed only in my mind.

The collection of events
that bound us together,

Seem now,
to never have happened.

Innocence torn, a brave facade

Your angst collects in pools,
that fall invisibly from your chin

Your daily crucifixion the penance,
that never seems to sate you

Holding the knife to your own throat,
your eyes beg forgiveness for sins
that are not your own

Soul laid bare
A shattered mirror I ache to restore,
only to pierce my core with inadequacy

Mingling blood with your tears

What is this emptiness that holds me
this dull ache... the loss of something,
that I have never possessed.

Moments captured, like snapshots in my brain
My hand through your hair
My arm around you while you sleep
Pure contentment.

If a lifetime could be compacted
into the space of those few seconds,
That is where you would find my heart.
That is what I live for.
And why peace can never find me...

Because life is not those moments,
like snapshots in my brain.

The image in my mind, once burned so bright
now cold and hard, dead to me in all but name
The change spread slow, like a plague
and has removed from me, all that once was.

The well of my pain abundant, overflowing with my grief
unable to be released, with the scream I clutch to my breast.

The layers we wrap around ourselves, the walls we hide behind
cannot shield the core, from one with knowing eyes.

Will the fleeting feeling glimpsed so briefly,
bathed now in shadow, ever again be purified?

Even reversed, the rot would leave it's mark
the smile, the laugh, no longer the same.
What shimmers now beneath the surface
I no longer recognize, and will forever question.

But the soulless beauty now revealed,
does not remove my addiction.