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35 Raleigh, NC Genderfluid


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I’m looking for

  • Everyone
  • Ages 30-40
  • Near me
  • For new friends

My details

Last online
Aug 21
Relationship Type
Mostly monogamous
5' 8" (1.73m)
Body Type
Other and laughing about it
Doesn’t have kids and doesn’t want them
Has dogs and Has cats
English (Fluently), Chinese (Somewhat), C++ (Fluently), LISP (Fluently)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
(Quick note: most of my match questions are horribly out of date, and they need updating, all 4000-or-so of them. So take any match scores with a grain of salt.I just nuked all my nearly-4000 answers, because most of them are 10 years old, and it's time to see what I'm like today. Please bear with my low match scores for a while. :-))

I'm an optimistic Cancerian INFP ex-Aucklander geek, openly devoted to my closest friends. Wow, that was a power sentence!

I'm married to firecupid, the squishiest one ever. :-) We aren't looking for new partners, but I occasionally look at Quickmatch to find interesting people to befriend (actually, I'm too introverted to really make new friends, but I can hope). Also, I've had this account since 2004 and I would be sad to close it.

I also identify with bisexual, childfree, feminist, polyamorous, and generally left-leaning values, without necessarily belonging to any of their associated cultural spheres.

By left-leaning, I mean by New Zealand standards, where I came from; by US standards, where I currently live, I presume I'd be seen as far, far left. I vote for the Green Party.

I'm a social introvert: I enjoy social occasions, but in my heart of hearts, I really value my solitude too.

I think love is a four-lettered word, but four-lettered words have never scared me. I'm an incorrigible romantic, and would love nothing better than to set my friends up and bask in their happiness.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I code! (Or for non-coders: I write software!) It's fun, and highly recommended if you have any interest in coding. :-D

In the longer term, I want to write great educational software that opens up new ways to learn particularly inaccessible subjects, like maths and programming. I used to be a peer tutor for my statistics classes at university, and I also did teacher training (though sadly haven't had the opportunity to teach full-time yet), so helping people learn is a big interest I have.

(On that last note, I spend way too much time on Quora and Stack Overflow.)

In terms of personal (as opposed to professional) pursuits, I love coding (yes, I code both at work and outside of work, though on totally different projects, of course), and when I need to relax from coding, I play lots and lots of Minesweeper. My current record is 3:06 on the large board, which I know is nowhere near world championship, but gotta start somewhere, y'know? ;-)
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Computer programming is one of the few things I'm confident of saying I'm really good at, having won a few programming contests back in my university days. I also love learning new programming languages; my current favourites are Scheme and Ruby, but I also have a fair amount of experience in Java, C++, and Perl.

I have absolute pitch (perfect pitch). (I suppose some would find that unsurprising, given that I'm Chinese.) I'm only familiar with A440, however, so identifying notes in authentic baroque music could be more challenging. (Actually, that's not quite true; I've listened to period recordings of the Brandenburg concertos enough times, alongside modern performances thereof, that I do have a reference to work with.)

I'm also really good at spelling (and have been since primary school), and I have a deep grasp of the various spelling variations between British English and US English. I prefer to use British spelling for all my personal correspondences, but will not pick on your spelling as long as you're consistent. :-) (Okay, these days I try to be live-and-let-live about other people's spelling, so I probably won't pick on you in any case.)

I type at 120 wpm. This is a pretty average speed among seasoned Dvorak typists, but most of my non-Dvorak friends are in awe of it.

Now that I think about it, I'm also really good at sticking my foot in my mouth, too. One can't always win in this life! I'm also told that I'm really good at biting people's heads off on occasion. I guess that means my totem animal is Tyrannosaurus rex!
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My long hair (it currently goes midway down my back, though it used to be hip-length). It amuses me when kids not-very-discreetly ask their parents whether I'm a boy or a girl. :-P (I don't identify as either, so it doesn't bother me at all.)

My accent. Here in the US, people often ask if my accent is British or Australian; kudos to the small handful of people who correctly identify it as New Zealand accent.

My long fingernails. Probably the longest I've had them was when I grew them really long (over 1cm) for my wedding.

My total lack of regard for gender conventions. Because of this, years ago many people thought I was gay, and were floored to hear that I married a woman.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
At the moment, I have a thing for gamebooks from my childhood, especially the Fighting Fantasy and Lone Wolf series. I would love to hear about any gamebook recommendations and experiences you have!

(Lately, I've heard about Gamebook Adventures (through Tin Man Games' new licensing deal with Fighting Fantasy), and I've played through all the Android gamebooks they've released. They're fun!)

I have a total weakness for romance books and movies. But they have to have happy endings! No meh stories for me. :-)

I used to listen primarily to classical music, especially baroque. I can spend a whole day listening to Bach, Beethoven, or Schubert. These days, I listen mostly to Taylor Swift. :-P

As for food, I absolutely love seafood, especially shellfish. With fish, I have a particular fondness for dory, grouper, and salmon, but I'll eat most any kind of fish or seafood. (I do try to avoid seafood and fish that are known to be overharvested or otherwise unsustainable.)

Also, as a Chinese person, I enjoy eating all kinds of things that Western people usually find unpalatable, but which are common Chinese fare. Off the top of my head, I'm thinking of things like tripe, chitterlings, blood curds, chicken feet, fish heads, etc. (I thought I ought to flesh out (har har) the "Diet: Strictly anything" a bit.)
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.

A computer with Dvorak layout. (As mentioned above, I touchtype just fine, and in fact all my computers still show qwerty on the keycaps, but the operating system has to allow Dvorak mode to be selected easily—which almost all OSs do.)

My best friends (including my wife).

Intuition and inspiration.

Belief (or intention as some call it).

Solitude (all introverts need it).
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
My best friends. :-) Also, how I can be a better friend to them.

My friends' relationships, and how they work or don't work. Second-hand learning can be very useful; don't knock it! (Kudos to Belenen for actually writing upfront accounts of hir previous marriagepartnership; I learnt a lot from reading them.)

My own relationship, and how I can help make it the best relationship I know of, one that can serve as a model for friends to compare against. ("Best" does not mean perfect. Nobody is perfect, and nobody's relationship is either. But they can still be awesome! And, even after 8 years of marriage, we still have a lot to learn about each other and our relationship; the learning never ends.)
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Trying to find the next place that serves clam chowder. In these parts, many places only serve it on Fridays, and I want to try as many as possible, ever in search of the perfect clam chowder.

Watching Netflix with my wife.

Playing Minesweeper. Or, if we have friends over, Cards Against Humanity. ;-)
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Nothing. What kind of an introvert gives away their secrets? :-P

Actually, I take that back. My favourite word is 𨳒. :-)
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You love playing 500! It's New Zealand's national card game, and I miss having people to play 500 with after moving to the US.

You are, or enjoy the company of, a type geek, a stats geek, a music geek, a food geek, a literary geek, a computer geek, and/or a high-IQ geek.

You're have a water sign and/or idealist temperament, or an affinity therewith. Some say these two traits are related, but I haven't done a proper statistical analysis. :-)

My match score with you beats 99% (which is my current match score with firecupid). :-P Seriously, if your match score is 90% or above, we're pretty likely to have a good conversation. :-)