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31 Astoria, NY Man


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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 26–34
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Today – 8:03pm
5' 8" (1.73m)
Body Type
Not at all
Doesn’t want kids
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Be excellent to each other.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I read this "What am I doing with my life?!" Take it easy with the implied existential crises, OK Cupid.

By day, I am a records coordinator at a law firm. By night, I am an aspiring comedian and writer.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Self deprecating humor. Being shy and awkward in social situations. Turning serious conversations into joke fests. Being super positive and supportive of friends and slowly but surely learning how to translate that to my own situation. Putting together furniture.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I went into a gas station to pay the attendant and while I was in there, I bought a lottery ticket. The attendant asked to see my I.D. I presented it to him and he looked back and forth from the I.D. to my face several times. He finally said, "You look so cute! So, so cute! In your face, you are so cute!"

So I've got that going for me.

Here is a semi-recent exchange I had with a kind elderly woman who works at the DMV.

DMV Lady: Can I have your old license please?
*I had her my old license*
DMV Lady: Luke, you've lost weight.
Me: I HAVE lost weight!
DMV Lady: How'd you do it?
Me: Just counting calories, that is the magic solution.
DMV Lady: Amen, sister!
*I laugh way too loud for a public space. She takes my new picture.*
DMV Lady: Sign right here for your old license.
*I begin signing the list.*
DMV Lady: And you're smart; you're left-handed.
DMV Lady: I bet ladies are just lining up for you.

Moral: I remind old ladies of their grandsons.

*Even further update*
In the past year, 12 different people, mostly strangers who did not know each other, have told me that I look like Matt Damon. I feel like I am on some kind of elaborate Truman Show hoax. Regardless, I am starting to think that I actually AM Matt Damon.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I could list 1,000 movies here, but it would mean nothing. I am just obsessed with film. I want to see them all! The trashiest of the trash and the artiest of the art. I recently got a MoviePass account (ask me about it, I won't stop talking about it) and it has changed my life.

I've read far more science fiction novels and far too few "classics" that I would like to admit. I also love readings about film history/critique and comedy.

I love tacos and heavy metal.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Outside of the obvious basic necessities for life:

Family and friends
Pen and paper
Heavy Metal, all kinds
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
When I will finally be able to have an expansive personal library.

I think about end of the world scenarios far too often. I have a recurring dream where World War III is just about to happen and the first bomb sent over from whatever country it is that hates us at that particular moment lands right on my head. Outside of the paranoia of global destruction, I find it incredibly conceited that I would be at the center of the end of the world. I promise I am not nearly that self-absorbed in real life.

Since I've moved to New York, here are a lot of thoughts that have been coming into my brain: what the hell am I I deluded enough to think I can succeed here...this city is overwhelming, there is almost too much to see and do...will I ever see a Mole can I make a joke/sketch out of this...oh look, that person is peeing out of doors...where's the closest place for me to buy candy...despite all this insanity, gosh darn it, it is great to be alive.

Heavy metal, all kinds.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
I am usually seeing or performing improv/sketch comedy in some fashion. I've also been known to hole myself up in my apartment, avoiding all human contact. What am I doing in there? Nobody knows!!!
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Don't drink, don't smoke. This is kind of a big part of my life. I'm not an alcoholic nor is it some religious observance. I was just tired of it all. I'm not an asshole about it though. If you drink, it is fine by me, as long as your aren't destructive towards other people. Just know I won't be super excited to escort you to your favorite watering hole for a couple bowls of loud-mouth soup. Unless there is karaoke, and even then I can get anxious and want to jet.

I find this online dating thing equal parts frustrating and nerve-wracking. I am also not comfortable with trying to "sell myself" as a suitable date/boyfriend. I am also more likely to rate a profile highly than send a message, due to timidness.

And that leads to this: I am a very independent person. For the longest time, I did not seek out relationships with women, partially because I lacked the self-confidence necessary for such a venture, but also because I did not want to define myself by who I was with. I am driven by my own desires and goals and that can often come off as aloofness or selfishness or whatever. I'm not against sharing my life with someone. I think it is something I would like and be good at. But I can get obsessed with a task, a hobby, or a goal and that will often blind me to some things that are key in making a relationship work. I think the best person for me would be someone who is equally independent and passionate about their own life and would like a companion with whom they can sometimes share their emotions, triumphs, and failures.

So yea, so much for selling myself.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
If you need a movie buddy, I'm your person. I love getting new movie suggestions and turning people on to things they haven't seen before. If the idea of an all-day/night movie marathon sounds like an ideal way to spend a Saturday, we should talk. I've been to several and it is one of my favorite pastimes. Forget baseball.

If you like to laugh and be silly all the time, I'm pretty awesome to be around.

Also, if you hate this website as much as I do, we should begin plotting its demise.