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27 Oceanside, CA Man


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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 20–27
  • Located anywhere
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Today – 9:16am
5′ 5″ (1.65m)
Body type
Strictly anything
Christianity, and very serious about it
Graduated from university
Rather not say
Strictly monogamous
Doesn’t have kids, but might want them
Likes dogs and likes cats
English (Fluently), Russian (Poorly)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
(!)Read Before Continuing(!)

Any and all opinions generated as a result of reading the contents of this profile, its individual components, or any combination thereof is the sole responsibility of the individual reader, their perspective, and/or any drugs, prescription or otherwise, of which said reader may or may not be under the influence. By continuing to read the profile written below this statement, you, the reader, agree to release the individual represented thereby from all liability for any damages or discomfiture, real or imagined, experienced by you or any parties observing with or near you. Side Effects of reading this profile may include: Irritability, facial spasms, irregular breathing, cynicism, uncontrollable eye-rolling, feelings of depression, feelings of comparative superiority, and/or the occasional halfhearted chuckle. If symptoms persist longer than one hour, close your browser and consult a psychiatrist. No purchase necessary. See stores for details.


Right, so, formalities and questionably binding legal agreements aside, here are some thoughts about the modern act of dating:

Most people, I've found, go about dating the same way people with gambling addictions go about trying to strike it rich. They go in with what they think is a good understanding of how the game is played, flaunting what they believe are their best assets in order to get other people to play, and hoping that their poker face is better than the competition's. Success and failure are based largely in how well you can bluff, how good you are at calling someone else on doing the same, and being reasonably cautious of people claiming that it's their 'first time.' Almost everyone who plays goes in with unrealistic hopes and expectations, and almost all of them lose out in the end. But when the winners do win, they tend to win big. And that gets everyone else drunk on possibilities. The hope that maybe just one more hand will do it. You'll throw down your cards, and they'll throw down theirs, and won't you just know it, the two of you'll make a winning hand. Most people aren't lucky, though. They end up losing a lot more than they win. And even when they think they're on a roll, a lot of the time their winning streak ends without warning, and then they're back to where they started, looking confused for some reason. After a while they figure out that most people game the game. The ones that lie and cheat seem like the most successful, and the ones that don't start to get jaded. If they lose bad then they might stay away for a while, but there's still that need, that dream of winning the big one that brings them back every time.

I get that a lot of people get a kick out of it, but there's something about watching a bunch of people piss their lives away playing games. I don't see the appeal. It's not that I know a better way of going about it, I'm just not much of a gambler. I get agitated with the games, and they get frustrated that I don't seem to want to play.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Doing my best to enjoy it, working on my career, whittling time away on my hobbies, and being gnawed at by the growing suspicion that bachelorhood isn't all it's cracked up to be.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
I write a little. It's a hobby. People say I'm not horrible. I've yet to make anyone's eyes bleed or cause any serious emotional or psychological damages that I know of. (See above disclaimer)
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I would like to think that it's the silky smoothness of my voice. Being, however, that my voice is very likely neither silky nor smooth, this is probably not the case.

Maybe that I'm short for my height? It's not all that bad, you know. Public transportation has always been relatively comfortable. I rarely have to duck, and I fit very nicely in most overhead storage.

Hm. How about that I'm a solid 6.5 out of 10 as reviewed by a panel of anonymous sorority sisters and one dude with a lisp who I think just snuck in?

I suppose if I had to give an answer, then the first thing anyone is guaranteed to notice about me is that I'm there.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Books: Dune, White Fang, Call of the Wild, The King Killer Chronicles (so far), Robinson Crusoe, The Count of Monte Cristo, Ender's Game, Starship Troopers, The Song of Ice and Fire series (until George R.R. Martin kills off all of his remotely likable characters), The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (except for the last book), Hard Luck Hank, The Hobbit (the rest of the series was only okay), the Hunger Games, Confessions of a D-List Supervillian, etc.

Movies: Lucky Number Slevin, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, City of Ember, V for Vendetta, Wreck it Ralph, Zombieland, Stranger than Fiction, The Man of La Mancha, Die Hard. This is a sample of the sorts of things I like in movies. Movies like these, in general.

Shows: Firefly, Archer, Full Metal Alchemist: Brotherhood, How I Met Your Mother (ended poorly, but the early stuff was good.), A Game of Thrones, The Walking Dead, and the first two seasons of Misfits (British).

Music: Anything but rap or country. Those two genres make my skin crawl. Ironically, I can sing Kenny Rogers' version of "The Gambler" pretty well. Old/classic rock and roll is preferred, but I listen to a lot of different music. "Eclectic" (seems to be a word people like to throw around on here...). That said, my absolute favorite song is Sweet Child O' Mine by Guns n' Roses.

Food: I can eat almost anything - a result of my mothers earlier culinary experimentation as she learned to feed her growing brood. She's a great cook now. Going home for holidays doesn't come with the risk of food poisoning anymore, but those early years forced me to develop a sturdy dietary constitution in order to survive. I love Italian, Chinese is a staple, and I generally like the things I cook myself. I would like to eat healthier foods, if possible, but the ingredients are usually a lot more expensive. I do what I can.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
*The Countdown*

NUMBER 6: Coffee!

Once, long ago, in the mists of prerecorded History (pre-college) there was a time when I did not use coffee to propel myself through the day. I remember this, though dimly. The wonders of coffee are many, I know, but I cannot shake the feeling that before the advent of this organic propellant, there was something else. A sort of happiness that stemmed from some other source of energy. I cannot remember what this was, but sometimes, as I stare ahead at the coming work week with jittery, caffeine powered omniscience, I think it may have been a thing called "sleep."


I heard once that some people have an innate sense of direction. I am not one of those people. For Christmas a couple years ago my father bought me one of those Garmin GPS things for my car - I call her Sheila - but before this I was left to my own devices. A trip anywhere that I hadn't driven at least a dozen times before was guaranteed to get me lost, and not just, "oops I took a wrong turn" lost, but "I'm reasonably sure they shouldn't be speaking this language here/Did I cross a timezone?/What year is it?!" lost.

NUMBER 4: Literature!

I have to have something to read. Don't get me wrong, there have been dry spells where I went without for a while, but when this happens there is always a relapse. I go a year without a good book, and the next thing you know I've walled myself in with a stack of dusty tomes, reading with bloodshot eyes, and muttering to myself. Any attempt to excavate me from my papery tomb results in me, like Moses at Mount Sinai, raining suggested reading down on any poor, unwary fool who comes within throwing distance.

NUMBER 3: Procrastination!

I know this one might seem a bit strange, but this has become such a central pillar of who I am that I think, should I actually attempt to be proactive, the fabric of space and time would sunder. A black hole would take my place, and all of reality would be consumed by its gaping maw.

NUMBER 2: Family!

My family moved a lot during mine and my siblings' formative years. Because of this, we filled for each other a good number of the rolls often filled by extra-familial acquaintances. We were bullies, and we were rivals. We were confidants and co-conspirators, instigators and arbiters. We were good influences and we were bad, and in the end, through the stalwart efforts of two determined and amazing parents who decided with saintly patience not to smother us in our sleep, we were the best friends we'd ever have.


NUMBER 1: Faith!

I find it hard to believe that anyone can make it through the day without faith in a benign God. Knowing that I am a tiny speck hurtling through a hostile universe on an insignificantly larger tiny speck without the assurance that comes with the love of an almighty God would very certainly take the pleasure out of damn near anything. And even though my fellow man tries desperately to shake my faith with such spectacles as Black Friday shankings and Honey Boo Boo children, I maintain that belief is a choice, and I chose 8 lb. 6 oz. baby Jesus. 'Murica.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Why people do some of the stupid things we do. Why I've personally done some of the stupid things I've done. How I could or if I even should attempt to not repeat those stupid things. What I could possibly do with my life other than my current, half-baked plans. How great or how terrible that last book/movie/episode/thing-I-did-on-a-whim was.

Also, I sometimes think about what sort of old man I want to be. Sometimes I think "crazy old prospector on a senile quest for undiscovered gold in his back yard" and other times I think "crazy old man with the scary house and the unreasonably large but very likely arthritic dog." It varies.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Riding the Earth around the Sun.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My role model is Alonso Quixano.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.'ve actually read this whole thing, and for some strange reason you still feel compelled to do so. In that case, knock yourself out champ.

Now, if *I* send *you* a message that is awkward, uncomfortable, nauseating to the point of immediate physical illness, or otherwise off-putting, then I apologize. I picked up my meager arsenal of social skills somewhat ad hoc, so I'm not all that good at holding or even starting meaningful conversations with people I don't know. Please feel free to cut off the conversation at any time you feel uncomfortable or otherwise unenthused.

I might "like" you. As in I may press the "like" button, but then never send a message. This might come across as timid or at least confusing, so I'll go ahead and explain, since I've been asked about it a few times. I press like if, after reading through your whole profile, I end up feeling like you're pretty great all around. However, I typically won't send a message if, even though I enjoyed what you had to say, I don't really have much to say about it. It happens. I also won't send anything your way if, while reading your essays, questions, and general information I come across anything that indicates that you wouldn't want me to: "Near Me" when I'm not; Age Ranges I'm outside of; Height Requirements I'll never measure up to (*ba-doom-pish*); etc. You are welcome.

In closing, I'm probably only going to send one message at a time. If I don't get a response, then I'm not going to hold it against you, I promise, so please don't feel obligated to answer. At that point I'm just going to assume that you have a firm grasp on what you're looking for, and you've identified that it's not here. You afford me the same courtesy, and we'll all get along just fine.

I hope this profile at least made you crack a smile, and best of luck out there.