Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Making America great!
That guy in the Notebook...yeah.
If you don't have a sense of humor we won't get along.
If you need rescuing and don't have your shit together we won't get
If you come at me sideways poo pooing the patriachial hierarchy of
the history of the world in one breath and demand I recycle in the
next we won't get along. No one can save the world by collecting
ideas from a walnut farm.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Teaching Gorillas how to ride unicycles.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
getting the shopping cart with the one wheel that won't spin
properly at the Walmart.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
The Flaming lips
I've been on a Tamale kick recently.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
that damn doll in the movie The Conjuring! I can't get it out of my
Why I get tired of making my own sandwiches so quickly. If things
get domestic and you can't season a chicken I'm calling your mom.
I'm willing to make you snacks 50/50 before you getall defensive
with that feminist vibe.
Why I'm still a 99% match with a woman named assfacethecat on this
site. I mean I have answered a few questions but I have also had
elementary statistics. I swear it is the dismal tide.
Why Mormons believe the magic happens with the magic underwear
Why I had to cuss out a homeless woman to keep her from assaulting
me with a baloney sandwich after I told her I had no change and
only a debit card.
Why anyone would dare to put 'baby in the corner.'
Why women have such a problem facing the prospect of dating a man
with only one nightstand. FYI: I have TWO nightstands ladies, I
appreciate symmetry too I guess. No more one night stands with this
guy. If you need a place to rest your stuff upon or your books. I
have TWO NIGHTSTANDS! So NO MORE ONE NIGHTSTANDS! I will take you
to IKEA if you need to see all the nightstands.
Why women put in their profiles 'I will never settle for less than
I deserve.' That certainly establishes a benchmark to reference but
it is also ambiguous. For instance, don't EVER touch my french
fries. If I share them with you, then at that moment, you will know
where you truly stand in the reciprocity department. FYI: if I
share Bacon with you you should expect a ring to arrive shortly
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
you wont pinch me, I hate to be pinched.
you like holding hands in graveyards because it can be scary
You don't hang out in graveyards and find that scary
You're chasing that neon rainbow, living that honky-tonk dream (its
just an expression, I'm not a fan of country music) but can put on
a pair of heels and charm a room
You smell nice and groom often
You must love cats! I don't care if you 'like dogs' but you must
You received high marks for plays well with others in your
formative years of schooling
You're a nun who is on the run from a murderous doomsday cult and
the shit just got real
You're a murderous doomsday cult member and have found an alien
body dressed as a nun
You have never taken a class on twerking
You don't chew ice or with your mouth open because that causes my
You have some means of supporting yourself other than waiting on
scripts from CVS pharmacy
You have never collected beanie babies in a meaningful way
You don't sleep with your dog
You have never killed someone
No one has ever killed you
You have all your fingers and toes and can count them to
You have never had sex in front of a live audience of more than
You know how to spell like the longest word in the dictionary and
you know what word that is and can beat anyone at scrabble
You are willing to steal monopoly money to win
You've never received a camel cash dollar instead of real currency
while dancing naked to ted nugent's cat scratch fever
You don't have a husband
You aren't evil in the literal and classic sense
You've never killed anybody
You look at the appendages of gummy bears before you eat them and
wonder if it can feel
You have ever won a nobel prize
You want to move to Paris because you keep dreaming about
You wonder if Forrest Gump's kid could run as fast as Forest
You have never considered using a semi truck as way to let off some
steam toward those who have made you mad
*eventually clothes will come off or they wont, maybe there will be
dinner,maybe not, maybe you'll abandon the date, jump in your car
and then run straight on into an oncoming train full of gummy bears
so you don't really die or anything scary like that or maybe you'll
try to beat me at a staring contest and you'll lose because I find
you the most beautiful woman I have ever seen!
Definitely message me if everything looks like a giant cupcake to
P.S. please don't pee in front of me on the first date. This
P.S.S.S- BE honest. I've had more than one existential revelation
in my life and have watched the sun rise and set on opposite sides
of the world, have run headlong into the dark to pull others to the
light, I have seen how far down the rabbit hole goes and caught
glimpses behind 'the veil' and am cosmically connected and attuned,
and yet still not a mystic or an ordained minister. Life is a
mysterious unfolding which i love. I hope you love yours too. I
hope youre in a good place as well. Im not in the 'fixing others'
business anymore but if you get my attention and I like you and
youre nice to me and i think youll be an outstanding positive
influence in my life to share this crazy adventure with **and
you're in a good place** if i just so happen to fall in love with
you then I will spend my life building altars and temples and
starting new religions in your name. It will probably be in Don
Quixote kinda way but at least chivalry won't be dead. Right?
Who are you looking for?
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