I'm often asked to give advice on how to best approach folks on dating sites like OKC.  Today I received a great example of an initial good approach gone quickly wrong...  and I'll break it down for you. 

The reply:

if only we all had the guts.

to set out for the horizon like that....im telling you if i could position myself in such a way with mobile income.....Id be doing the same thing....and i was...from about Feb. of this year to Sept. when i was between jobs....it was one of the coolest times...i must have stayed with 7 different old friends dotted around the midwest....not sure how to prove it but you wont see many people that march to their own beat like me....furthermore something about your adventurous side is sexually appetizing and if youd like to casually sample a cool young dick while around C-ville....im the guy.

Positive points in this reply:  The guy started off his message really really well. He clearly showed me he read my profile.  He showed me he's of similar mind.  And I actually appreciated that he found me sexy for my adventurous side - I can dig that. Up until this point in the message I was thinking to myself 'Wow, this guys sounds interesting, it might be fun to get to know him..'

Where it went really wrong:  It will come as no surprise that it's the offer of 'casually sampling cool young dick' that quickly changed my impression of this guy.  And not because I'm opposed to a casual encounter, but had he paid attention to my profile beyond our mutual interest in mobility - he would have known I'm not *looking* for it. It's actually the approach, and the abrupt change of tone and context of the message.  He went from cool and interesting to skeevy perv in seconds. 

You see guys, what a lot of you miss - is that you stand a far greater chance of actually getting further interest if you keep your dick in your pants for just a few moments longer. Us women, we're sexually driven (some of us even more than you are).. and many of us do crave sexual connections, and are even open to casual ones.  But many of us want some sort of connection FIRST. 

Had this guy just left it at 'sexually appetizing' - he would have actually stood a chance with me, at least in furthering the conversation.   He would have left me with feeling seen as an adventurous peer and complimented as sexy. That was really enough for me to know he's open to some flirty interaction if I wanted it. 

Instead, he ended his message by cheapening the approach by wiping his dick out too soon.  Oh well, if his purpose in contacting me was just to get laid and not get to know each other - at least he didn't waste too much of my time. 

... if only we all had the tact. 

A frequent question I get is 'what is your bra size?'.  And within moments of opening a conversation, none the less. 

Come on guys.. aren't there more interesting things to talk about? Unless you're planning to buy me lingerie, this is a completely useless piece of information. Especially when I have pictures that clearly show my rack in proportion to the rest of my body.  Isn't how a woman is shaped, how she carries herself and her overall proportions more relevant than some silly number?  (Not to mention.. I assure you, there are far more interesting things about me than my boobs.. and if you don't see them.. well..  don't waste my time.)

 

And honestly, do you really know the difference between a 36DD and 42B?  Do you realize that a 36DD, 38D, 40C and 42B are essentially the same size?  That there's really nothing 'bigger' about a DD than a D or a C?   (By the way.. those are my actual sizes above..  take your pick as to which turns you on more. )

 

Can you honestly tell me that knowing that in one particular band size that a woman can be a DD gives you a woodie?  

 

If so, then move right along.. we're really operating in different universes. (But if you buy me lingerie, nothing too frilly, ok?)

 

 

 

I'm once again involved with organizing a Burning Man camp for nomadic spirits. We're a pretty low key camp, without much infrastructure. But it's a camp for those who are nomadic, were nomadic, want to be nomadic or just think nomads are cool.

It's a place where we're really at home on the playa, because we bring our homes (or idea of home) there!

If you're interested in more info, check out:
http://www.technomadia.com/resources/campnomadia/

If you want to join our camp:
http://campnomadia.ning.com

See you on the playa!
- Cherie

For the past several months, I've been in the San Francisco Bay Area. The longest time we've put down the landing gear in one location for a while. It's been wonderful being in community and making new friends and having time to develop ongoing relationships.

But wanderlust is calling.

In the coming couple of weeks , we will be getting in motion again - traveling south and then eastward towards St. Louis by May. We'll be back in the Bay Area come late summer in time for Burning Man however.

It feels a bit strange to start switching into that gear and saying 'bye for now' to friends and not able to commit time to meeting new folks who contact me here. I have just changed my location to our first destination in our upcoming travel plans - Los Angeles, which we aim to be in by late March.

I look forward to being in motion again, and will carry with me the love of my various communities.

Ever since I was a kid, my father used to tell me:

"I'd rather see you sell your body on the streets than use a Mac."


Thankfully, my father has evolved and he supports me in my recent divergent path. No, I'm not selling my body on the streets - but I did just get a MacBook Pro and stood in line for a 3G iPhone.


And I really couldn't be happier with my choices. These machines are a thing of absolute beauty, and bring me much delightful joy. And isn't that what life is about anyway?


So now, I must find a new home for my previous decked out technomadic mobile gear - a Dell D820 laptop that is just over a year old with the remaining 3 year gold next business day onsite support. If anyone knows of anyone who is in the market for a high end 15.4" laptop with 1900x1200 resolution at a great price - pass them my way :)



In the meantime, I may just have to fulfill my father's expectations and sell my body on the street to pay for the MBP. *giggle*

I have escaped my house in Florida. While it hasn't sold, life is just to short to wait around. Chris and I are back on the road, and heading to St. Louis. In the next week or so, we'll be picking up our new travel trailer outfitted just for us - and be heading west towards Burning Man.


Life is grand!

I got the following unsolicited e-mail from some guy here who I think I clicked on QuickMatch. He sounded like someone on a similar path as me (giving up the 'normal life' and nomading).

This is the message he sent me:

"I don't do ANYTHING with gays, dike's, fags, bi's, queers, fairy's, cross dressers, trannies, pedophiles, or serial killers. They are all the same to me. BYE"


Not exactly the response I would expect from someone looking for a woman to join him in giving up normal life and traveling full time (which would take a fairly open minded person). Here's a line from his profile where he claims to be kind:

"I am a very smart man, confident, sure of myself and what I want. I'm a very friendly, talkative fellow, who is always kind to those around him."


Eeeks.. this kind of bigotry, especially when unsolicited (it's not like I wrote him or anything), just boggles my mind.

The days are drawing nearer to when Chris and I will be setting back off on the road to technomadism. There's lots of stuff to get done tho...


Just a general list:

- Sell my 2006 Prius

- Sell the Tab - our uber cute teardrop (pictures in my profile) 16' camper with solar panel conversion that we lived out of for 7 months. (We're having a 17' Oliver custom built right now for our next adventure.)

- Sell the last of the major items from my house - most of the big stuff is gone. All that is left is the tempurpedic mattress set and our gorgeous teak corner bookshelf unit (which unfortunately, takes a very specific type of space - worst case, we sell it with the house since most folks think it is built in anyway).

- Sell lots of littler stuff - I've been switching my concentration to selling a lot of my exes old stuff. Everything from philosophy books to vintage video games to laser discs to unique VHS 80s concerts. If any of these sorts of things strike your fancy, let me know - most of them are listed on my Amazon storefront at: http://www.amazon.com/gp/shops/index.html?ie=UTF8&sellerID=A1AAMPLQLTPXEG - I offer 10% off listed price for direct sales.

- Spend time with people. I want to take advantage of being in Central Florida as much as possible and see people.



Oliver has given us a tentative target date of July 25 for pick-up in TN. Our goal is to get to St. Louis a week or so before that and hang out with Chris' family up that way, and be closer to Oliver for when we get the call and go down to pick her up. And then we'll get her set up in St. Louis and make a mad dash for San Francisco to pick up our stuff to go to Burning Man at the end of August. I greatly look forward to post-Burning Man (well, not the part about cleaning out all of the dust from our brand new home) - to a more relaxed 'living' pace.


Our exact exodus from Florida date has not been set yet - and will depend upon the logistics surrounding the sale of the Prius and Tab. But my best guess is sometime the week after the Fourth of July weekend.

I'm always a bit mystified when I talk with guys who I've met online, particularly here on OKC, and they tell me how I'm one of the only ones who took the time to respond. So many of my male friends (and even my partner) tell me how they'll make dozens of quality introductions to people they find interesting - to have hardly any responses.

I really can't see how not responding to e-mails someone received here really does anyone any good on a site like this. For each e-mail a well intentioned guy writes and doesn't get a response back, adds a point of frustration and lost hope - until eventually he quits logging in. And thus reduces the number of really great guys around here, leaving just the guys without a clue. And that great guy might have been a match for you, had he only been encouraged, not discouraged from, writing people.


Sure, there are spammers and true losers who send out form letters and such that should be ignored ... but someone who takes the time to write a message, especially a personalized message? Does it really take that much effort to write back a Thank You? Heck, does it really take that much effort to strike up just a touch of a conversation for a message or two?


So next time you receive an e-mail from someone you might not be interested in romantically, try something new and respond. Maybe he'll have that little bit of extra encouragement to keep trying instead of robbing sites like this of quality, respectful members.

I got a reply from someone today that said this in the beginning:

"Upfront I'll say that I'm looking about for connections who are clearly slender, so that continues to be my obsession. But you're too great not to say Hi to."


I find myself oddly perplexed that he has seen past my 'clearly non slender' state to find me at least interesting enough to say hi to. Not sure if I should be flattered or not by that statement. It's an odd mix of feeling insulted and then told 'but you have a nice personality'.

Does this approach typically work for men?

*giggle*