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25 Chicago, IL Man


I’m looking for

  • Men
  • Ages 21–36
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Apr 22
5′ 11″ (1.80m)
Body type
Mostly anything
Pisces, and it’s fun to think about
Graduated from university
Likes dogs and likes cats
English, French (Poorly)

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My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I was voted "Most Likely to Open an Erotic Bakery" in high school. Time will tell.

I'm very passionate about movies, tv, and theater. I'm a bitter cynic but a total sap deep down. I constantly joke around and tend to like most people. I love people with whom I can talk to about everything from the Oscar race for best picture to the impressionist movement in art to whether or not God is a lesbian. (She is.)

I'm basically a mix of Hannah from Girls, Aunders from Workaholics, and Pam from Archer. If this sounds appealing, you should probably up the dosage on your antidepressants and/or ask me out.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Carpe Scrotum; Grab life by theballs.

Looking for full-time marketing work. I lost my last job to go to the Emmys. So very worth it.

Just trying to figure my life out and eventually join my best friend in L.A. working in TV/film.

Or porn.

I'm working to become the person I've always wanted to be. Whoever the hell that is.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Singing, counseling friends, and inserting pop culture references into conversations.

Sometimes I like to watch this to remind myself that I used to be talented.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Lame answer: Eyes, self-deprecating sense of humor

Saucy answer: Latin dance hall ass

Honest answer: Adorable displays of vulgarity and a passing resemblance to Eli Manning, a wet ferret or Little Foot from the Land Before Time, depending on how much effort I've put into my appearance on any given day.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Books- Grapes of Wrath, The Joy of Lesbian Sex

Movies- Ghost World, Boogie Nights, Kill Bill, In The Loop, Melancholia, The Hours, Black Swan, Addams Family Values, The Opposite of Sex, Whip It, Pulp Fiction, American Beauty, Little Children, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Amelie, Romy and Michele's High School Reunion,

Shows- Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Breaking Bad, Orange is the New Black, Hannibal, Archer, Game of Thrones, Parks and Recreation, Workaholics, United States of Tara, Girls

RIP- Futurama, Sopranos, Strangers With Candy, Pushing Daisies

Music- St. Vincent, Fiona Apple, Frank Ocean, Classic Rock, Broadway Musicals, Regina Spektor, Lana del Rey, Pink Martini, ELO, ABBA, Lily Allen, Florence + the Machines, etc.

Food- Mexican food that might give me indigestion (read: diarrhea) and cheap Asian food that might give me a tapeworm (read: diarrhea).
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
A little bit of Oliver in my life.
A little bit of Aaron by my side.
A little bit of Ethan's all I need.
A little bit of Tristan's all I see.
A little bit of Simon in the sun.
A little bit of Harry all night long.
A little bit of Jonathan, here I am.
A little bit of you makes me your man.

I know that's eight things. Bitch, don't kill my vibe.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
"Dog food lid" backwards is "Dildo of God." Try it as a meditation chant.

Ways to better myself both personally and professionally. Whether or not all dogs go to heaven 2. The meaning of life. Burt Reynolds' mustache. Whether the geopolitical climate is right for another Alvin and the Chipmunks squeakquel. Brainstorming nicknames for my genitals.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Bluffin' with my muffin.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I can do the splits, due largely in part to a semi-traumatic trampoline accident when I was six. Worth it.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
I'm looking for a sweet, funny, preferably sexy guy who's a little bit crazy, a little bit romantic, loves art in its many forms, gives amazing back-rubs, and has no qualms about discussing kinky sex at Olive Garden.