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27 Oakdale, PA Woman


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I’m looking for

  • Men
  • Ages 26–32
  • Located anywhere
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex

My details

Last online
Yesterday – 10:08pm
5′ 0″ (1.52m)
Body Type
Mostly anything
Aries, but it doesn’t matter
Working on university
Less than $20,000
Likes dogs and likes cats
English (Fluently), German (Okay)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I like guys who know what they want. Is it so much to ask?

I have been an on and off member on OKC for about four years. My activity on here has dipped to a new low. Nonetheless, I've been holding onto this profile because words is all I have to offer. Not a single person would consider me worth a second glance without this wall of text. That's all I am.

Why don't I just walk around carrying a billboard that states all of my thoughts and interests if that's all it takes to capture your attention? So you felt compelled to message me only because of my intellect? Just wait here while I impart all my wisdom until I turn you on. Or maybe it's my taste in music. That must be it. Let me introduce you to my Last.FM account and wait for the aural Viagra to kick in, baby.

"Hot damn, check out the musical preferences on that one!"
-No one ever.

Personality and musical preference is important to me, but I also don't go out of my way to make myself as palatable to look at as I can for my health. Pretending that it is beneath your notice is very insulting. By the way, how the fuck did you conceive that it's a good idea to compare me to other women?

"I like you because at least you don't look like a perfect Barbie doll!"

Yet the archetype is so buried inside your subconscious that you can't help but start making comparisons every time you look at me. Fuck that noise. I long to be ideal, not just someone who you feel comfortable taking home because I don't remind you of the popular girl who rejected you in high school. I guess in that manner I'm not as unique as you think I am. You think I'm an enigma, but there are so many women out there who are better versions of myself.

i've made the choice to practice celibacy until I lose a considerable amount of weight because confidence reasons. Some men out there say they prefer larger women, but I think it's all bullshit and don't trust them. You can tell me as much as you'd like that you aren't going to weight-shame, but that doesn't mean I'm going to cave in to allowing you to see me naked because you said one thing and most likely mean another.

I'd estimate that up to half you guys don't even know what a bigger chick looks like. Bigger than what, exactly, 110 pounds? Hahahahaha, and au contraire to what galleries on The Chive would you lead you to believe about a woman's anatomy, there ARE more than two fat stores on a woman's body. Sorry, but one of us had to say it. If you are actually okay with this, you aren't half bad.

Maybe you want to humiliate me or are curious, but haha, yeah...that's not going to fly with me.

Not until you have actually met me in the physical sense will I stop believing that you're only attracted to the idea of me. There's a reason why I've failed to hold onto a guy for longer than two months. I have trouble making the jump from acquaintance to friendship with other people. I'm only admired from afar by people who claim to enjoy my points of view but argue that my perception is skewered. I'm insecure but that's the way you like me. It's like it's part of who I am to people.

You think it's funny that I see a hambeast when I look in the mirror. You think it's sexy that I'm a masochist. You think my makeup's neat (it's not even good). You've never met any girls who like black metal. And because of these reasons I'm supposed to drop my fucking internet panties for you and waste even more of my life waiting for you to come by. All I'm saying is wait until you've met me in person before you decide to become all infatuated with me and shit.

At the end of the day, I still like romance, affection, and being told I'm pretty just like the other girls do. I don't know when people got it twisted that just because I like necrophilia jokes, dark music, creepy things, and HP Lovecraft that I can't be a hopeless romantic as well. I do lack faith in humanity, because I know how unfair members of this species can be toward others.

By the way, my "personality" stats are way off. I have answered all questions in complete honesty, and I moderately trust the matching algorithm here as opposed to "other sites" but I actually have a lot to give. No-one I personally know thinks that I'm unkind and I can actually be very loving. I'm just not competing in the Miss America pageant.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Currently working in the food industry and hoping to continue educating myself in communications/journalism/similar soon enough. I'm not sure how much longer I can ride it out here before I find myself in prison...

I have a general idea what I want to do. I'd like to be a magazine columnist, but I think it'd be very fun to get into radio. My third option is to become a language translator.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Writing, blah blah blah, negativity, and masking my pain with humor. My not so hidden talent is my ability to deflate an erection from a mile away. "Gooorl, you funneh!"
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Like, for real? "Where's your sister?!?!?!"

Or dating site answer? People don't. Shut the fuck up about my makeup, it doesn't count.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Clive Barker.

My favorite writer and inspiration is HP Lovecraft.

Movies: I'm obsessed with Evil Dead.
Hellraiser I&II, Bram Stoker's Dracula, Nightbreed, Candyman, The Crow, American History X, Evil Dead 2, Let the Right One In, The Craft, Wakewood, Lake Mungo, Lord of Illusions, Death Becomes Her, Superstar, Little Nicky.

Speaking of movies, I'd be happy if I never got to watch Talladega Nights or Dude Where's My Car? again, but I can't really bond with other people over movies so I don't care.

TV: King of the Hill,
My Name is Earl,
The Nanny,
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia,
King of the Hill,
Metal Mania,
120 Minutes,
King of the Hill,
King of the Hill,
American Horror Story before it became too stupid this season,
King of the Hill.
Twin Peaks!!!

Currently watching: The X-Files.

Music: Lots and lots of "devil music".
Opera IX,
Carach Angren,
In Tenebris,
Carpathian Forest,
Anorexia Nervosa,
Ov Hell,
Gloomy Grim,
Hecate Enthroned,
Darkened Nocturn Slaughtercult,
Nocturnal Depression,
Bishop of Hexen,
Children of Bodom,
Dawn of Ashes,
Judas Iscariot,
Iron Maiden,
Black Sabbath,
Judas Priest,
Iced Earth,
Ava Inferi,
Ego Likeness,
The Birthday Massacre,
Older AFI,
L'Ame Immortelle,
Nera Nature,
Satanic Warmaster,
Sear Bliss,
Velvet Acid Christ,
Suicide Commando,
I like some new wave too.

Food: Steak, blue-rare. Also, Jack Links. Meat and dairy are a staple in my diet.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
I've spent almost an entire year in social isolation. I've realized I don't really *need* anything, but my existence is hollower than ever without any friendship, affection, excitement, variety, hope, or pleasure.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

I wish I were half as spellbinding in person as I am over the internet.

What the fuck is wrong with me?
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Crying, vomiting on myself, masturbating myself with broken glass playing Robot Unicorn Attack. All at once.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I feel ugly.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You're scary.

You don't live on the other side of the planet and have serious plans to rescue me from Jokedale.

You have an attention span of two months or longer.