What step is next! More a mantra, than a question. I have failed at
almost, not all, but most everything with long term orientation.
Employment is remarkably similar, with all the similar elusive
qualities, to socialization and "normal" functioning. Perpetually
outside of the box. With strange responses to situations and
discussion, I carefully navigate social function. Going through the
motions. Like leaving work and blinking in the driveway. No
recollection of the trip in between. Minutes or hours lost? The
constant nagging of learned social protocol. When can I smoke
another joint? Friends, just like the movies. Am I the only one
like this? Smile, nod, agree, shake hands, greet, bid farewell.
What is this all really about? Are the rest of you really "normal"?
Logic points me towards nothing . "Something is not right with me".
I'm "that" guy. How many different jobs in in how many years? Hey
at least I'm well rounded right? At least I strive. Diversity in
employment like the single page biography of Louise L'Amour. This,
that, and around the world. It's not that I want instability, I
just burn out, develop disdain, or like more recently, get fired.
It will all work itself out, I hear them say sometimes. There is a
bigger picture clear to me now. What is next! More a statement,
than a question.