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MarchofthePawns

28 Philadelphia, PA Man

Man

I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 20–35
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Today – 3:58pm
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
Black
Height
5′ 7″ (1.70m)
Body type
Thin
Diet
Mostly anything
Smokes
No
Drinks
Rarely
Drugs
Never
Religion
Christianity, and somewhat serious about it
Sign
Scorpio, but it doesn’t matter
Education
Graduated from university
Job
Administration
Income
$30,000–$40,000
Status
Single
Type
Mostly monogamous
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids
Pets
Likes cats
Speaks
English (Fluently), Spanish (Poorly)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Music is a requirement for me here. It helps me think.

Hi ladies! NEW TO THE WORLD OF ONLINE DATING!? THE JADED REALIST'S RULES OF SURVIVAL FOR WOMEN(In random order):

1) Start thinking of this like some online bar/nightclub. But you probably ain't getting drinks for free. Well one crazy soul or two might. Check the end of this section.

On the plus side. Can you figure this out? If no, goodbye.

2) Horny. motherfuckers. don't. read. Stop writing "Read my profile etc". Penises can't see words!

On that note, I sincerely hope you're more than a pretty pair of eyes and/or legs! :) * crosses fingers*.

3) "Prince Charming" is either dead or gay. Maybe she is both. Sorry for your loss.

4) Like something in a guy's profile? FUCK QUICKMATCH! Send him a message dammit! We like being chased too! It means you care! It saves everyone time and money. Jumping through hoops is for mostly show dogs and dolphins. YOU HAVE THE POWER HERE! USE IT! WHAT/WHO DO YOU WANT!?

side note: Yes, I secretly notice the people who will view me a few times for whatever reason. But you will never say anything. What the hel!? C'mon. It's ok. I do bite. but I won't break skin or take your earlobes. Promise! (Unless you're into that kinda stuff. Tee hee.)

5) Are you unhappy with the messages you receive? Then YOUR profile sucks. Look at the profiles of other "Girls who like guys". Check 10-15 of them. If your profile looks eerily similar to more than 7, then you'll understand.

Suggestion: Immediately break the "1000 words achievement" ASAP. IT HELPS A LOT! EXAMPLES INCLUDE: WHO ARE YOU? WHAT DO YOU WANT IN LIFE? WHY ARE YOU HERE? DO YOU LIKE CAKE? SERIOUSLY I LIKE CAKE! ETC.

STORIES ARE INFINITELY BETTER THAN RANDOM ADJECTIVES!


6) Please do not introduce yourself by name if it is a part of your SN already. Redundant much. DO NOT USE YOUR FULL NAME AS A SCREEN NAME. GOOGLE IS THE ENEMY!

7) Checking the casual sex box here is the absolute WORST IDEA EVER! I do not understand why a few women do it. (see #1-10)

8) Never state in your profile "I'm only here because my friends made me do it". Seriously? Your "FRIENDS MADE" you do this? CLEARLY THEY ARE NOT GOOD FRIENDS!

9) Why do 90% of the screen names here contain numbers or the words sexy, love or taco? Sexylovetac0? damn. Ummm...

10) Am I seeing mad crazy eyes up in this bitch!? SHIT! SEXY, YET CRAZY.

Bonus Point: Any profile that starts off with you telling me how bad your exes treated you etc translates into "I want to subtlety torture the next guy for the shit the last guy(s) did to me". Get yo self together. It'll save everyone emotional torture.

IN CONCLUSION: TO THOSE BRAVE(OR INSANE?) WOMEN WHO HAVE THE WILLPOWER TO STAY HERE AFTER READING THIS:

I SERIOUSLY SALUTE YOU AND WISH YOU GOOD LUCK FINDING A GOOD MAN(or woman) HERE! YOU'LL NEED IT AND A STRONG SHOT OF LIQUOR.)

YOU GOTTA SEND A MESSAGE THOUGH IF YA WANT THAT SHOT.! None for you!


*Cynical rant complete...for now.......*
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Sadly, I'm contributing to society at the moment because:

A) Maybe I hate doing nothing for long periods of time?
B) Maybe I'm just a bit masochistic and/or insane?
C) Maybe I like to feel needed sometimes?
D) I have to cuz I'm poor and cuz I can't survive in prison. (Plus drug dealers stand around all day. I get to sit down and sneak in a nap.)
E) My coworkers are hilarious 70% of the time.
F) Or all of the above?

(The answer really depends on the day.)

Maybe someday, I'll be really rich and travel. Should anyone conquer the world, I call dibs on Brazil, Japan or Canada!

Also creating a nest egg and saving for my "retirement"? Or saving for something fun like Vegas 2016!

Doing random DVD/TV marathons. Suggestions welcome!

Attempting to hit all 22 Stephen Starr restaurants in Philly. 13.5/22 as of Jun 2014.

And foolishly attempting to write an interesting, engaging OKCupid profile and failing miserably...*In a galaxy far far away....a single tear falls off someone's face.*
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
I have Foot-in-mouth syndrome - getting strange looks from people and/or making people laugh when they least expect it.

I'm a half decent tipper.

and I'm amazed at how I can listen to songs on repeat, then wonder why I have that damn song struck in my head.

(Putting things in parenthesis for some reason.)

Getting my fries evenly covered in ketchup.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My eyelashes are probably better than yours. Blindness has some benefits.

Also " if the eyes are the window to the soul". then my face is like a giant neon sign that says "READ ME"!

And maybe I'm really S-M-R-T too?

Did I mention I'm a fan of dark humor?

And I'm kinda randomly self depreciating at times. I save my self esteem for special occasions (when I'm drinking and I'm horny.)

I'm clearly cynical sometimes duh. I'm an optimist DEEP DEEP down.

I've been told a few times I have nice arm hair. Seriously that is my best damn feature?

And I tend to bite my nails when I'm nervous.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Maybe I'll fill this out in detail someday. Like this profile ever lacks length.

Notes:
Science Fiction/Fantasy is awesome. Character development is a must have in anything. Explosions and witty dialogue as well. Basically, as long as I don't need a tissue when it's over. OK bring it! (That includes novels. I'm sensitive like that.)

I hate romantic comedies and gory horror movies. DISNEY CAN BURN!

Music: Are you listening to my link? If you are, yes I listen to music from random places regularly. Mainstream hip hop got stupid.

Food: Where? How much? Does it have cheese? When does it expire?
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
0. The general concepts listed in Maslow's hierarchy of needs! AND:

1. Shiny things

2. An awesome manager and coworkers that I respect. Bonus: Coworkers who can count to 20! Someday!

*3. A whip, holy water, a cross, an axe, a Bible, the ability to power walk like a BOSS! And a bag of Fritos. Bonus points if you get this reference to.....

4. My fingers & excellent hand eye coordination

5. A random thing that makes no sense whatsoever like bubblewrap or Fabreze.

6. And something boring like a mouth guard.

* Alternate #3 Those truly random and beautiful moments where life creates an amazing opportunity out of nowhere for me.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Feminism vs. Chivalry. It seems like I'm going to suffer quite a bit in life for not having a vagina? Yay!

What/How/When/Where/Why/Who.....the.........F**K!?

a Chris Rock skit I like (Viewer discretion is advised!)

Louis C.K. on dating in general

Damn Iggy Azalea is oddly attractive.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
busy lurking in the shadows attempting to save the world! For me no Friday night is ever typical!

So, maybe, I'm fighting evil by the moonlight? Or helping little old ladies with bingo night?

or at FIGHT CLUB sharpening my skills!

Relaxing at some strip club then wondering are these her actual boobs in my mouth!? (Hopefully them boobs are real. Cuz motor boating is fun!)

Or someday maybe.....we could find a place and see real stars in the night sky?
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I ADMIT NOTHING! (because no one ever does or ever will!)

Things I will not tell you:

No one I know will ever get carded in order to see an R rated movie. In 30 years I'll get over it.

Dammit, I need a car to use an online dating site too? And I thought it sucked not having a car when I needed to find a job. Damn why? Why does not having a car screw me over!?

Seriously, I would not want my wedding day to be "the best day of my life". Why? Because that means from the day after the wedding until the day I die, my marriage would automatically suck horribly.

I honestly never expected to hate being an adult this much. But after playing the old NES, ADULTHOOD TRULY SUCKS!

So yeah what are the chances of you getting naked and covered in something sweet? NOM NOM NOM


Actually, I'll admit I should admit something. But have no clue what to say.

Yup. I wasted money on A list. I'm clearly too stupid to live. Ah well.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
(insert your answers then copy and paste! Then hit send! Easy right.)

DEFINITELY message me if you like _______. Or you need an __________ to act as a __________. If I get to ________ sometimes, I'm down with that!

You are a(n) _______ and a(n)_______, ______ , ________, ______ person who likes _______, and _______, and _______.

And you're here for ___________. Because I'm clearly here for _________!

You can teach me how to _______ or ________ or __________________.

You would like to go __________________?

YOU ARE NOT A _______, OR ________ , OR A(N) ________. Because everyone hates ________________.

You understand that when I call you a _______ and a(n) _________ while you're ________________ , that these are terms of endearment.

Or message me if you can cosplay as Daenerys Targaryen SOMEDAY. I'm mildly infatuated with her. Damn, she's so incredibly beautiful.

Finally, something cheesy just because sometimes everyone needs a happy ending: Click if you so wish.